Adrielne's Box of Thoughts

Meditation - day one.

2011-12-05T23:34:00.001+01:00

But maybe a word of explanation before I begin.

My friend got me into the habit of calming my mind when needed when I was depressed, and it helped. And now that I'm dealing with some "did I pick the right major" and "what is the point of life" issues, I decided it's a habit worth keeping for longer than a few days.
She's being very supportive about it and told me she will help me figure out a way to calm my mind - because whenever I finally let go of thoughts, some wild idea appears in my head, getting me back to first base as clearing my mind goes.

Oh, and for the record, a disclaimer before I get attacked by the possible wild haters: this is in no way religion-related. The said friend isn't religious and I am, but "my" Christianity is more of a prayer than a meditation type deal (which I don't find right - listening and speaking should be just about evenly distributed, even when talking to God - or a god, or just yourself - don't you think?).

But moving on... She isn't in any way a spiritual coach and she doesn't "qualify" as a guru in her opinion, but I'm a difficult person as starting to trust someone goes. So she might not be a guru by your standards, but to me she is.

A guru (Sanskrit: गुरु) is one who is regarded as having great knowledge, wisdom, and authority in a certain area, and who uses it to guide others (teacher). Other forms of manifestation of this principle can include parents, school teachers, non-human objects (books) and even one's own intellectual discipline, if the aforementioned are in a guidance role. [[ from Wikipedia ]]

Basically, what we are going to do is each day for the first week, I will get either a quote or an idea or an article or something to think about. I'll get it at six in the morning, which is when I'm to wake up, check my email and start meditating... For an hour. And then another thirty minutes to an hour before I go to sleep.

Compared to ashrams in India, that's not much at all. And seeing as it's supposed to be shock therapy of clearing my mind of negative things, I'm all for it.

And since she isn't a theist, I'll be safe from any influences from other religions to make me even more unsure of what I believe in. Because in the last few years, my spirituality has been at least slightly messed up to say the least.

But enough of this for today, I still have an hour of meditation to do. Toodles!

Warning: high levels of angst.

2011-11-18T23:24:00.001+01:00

You are a horrible child.

The words rang out in her head like the echo of a ringing bell. They burned her thoughts as if they’d been fired from a flamethrower – emptying her of all other thoughts but that one.

She was the cancer in the life of her mother, the thing that made her upset or angry or regretful... She was the reason her mom was unhappy. She was supposed to bring joy and love into her life, but she failed.

Parents expect many things of their children – some expect them to get straight A’s in school, others want their kids to be the most liked or sporty, but all parents want to be happy with the children they have. All hopes, dreams, plans – all of that sums up to a feeling of pride and happiness, and wherever that comes from, it’s good.

And she failed at that. The only thing she was really supposed to be.

If they were shouted out in an angry tone during an argument, she would have assumed they were just an emotional overreaction... But the words had been said in a measured tone, one that could be used by a person saying something that was bad, but couldn’t be helped. In the same tone cancer patients talked about their disease. And it wasn’t the first time she was hearing them.

You are heartless.

She wasn’t sure if those words didn’t hurt more. But they couldn’t hurt more, could they? What could be worse than finding out you disappointed the single person on this Earth that loved you the most?

And what does the word “heartless” even mean, she thought. Does it mean that I’m emotionless, like a stone, just looking at everything but never experiencing? That can’t be true, I have felt joy, love, sadness, pride, pain... Or did I really? Maybe it was just my brain pretending to be receiving information about all those things, to make me fit in? That would make my whole emotional life a lie. I cannot really be happy or sad if I don’t have a heart... But if I cannot be sad, why am I crying? Is even this moment fake? It could be, how am I to know, I was never a person who would be considered emotionally normal... Would anyone think about all this when their supposed heart had just been broken? Wouldn’t the emotions make it impossible to think?

She looked over at the essay that she had been writing earlier. If she really was heartless – and she assumed that was true, after all a parent was the person that knew their child best – she should probably stop pretending to feel something and go back to her homework. After all, she only had three more hours until it had to be sent in.

The battle of Legnano in 1176 was one of the final and most crucial points in the conflict between the Pope and the Emperor.

The flamethrower of dark thoughts in her mind didn’t let her focus on History. She thought it was rather an open tank of liquid nitrogen, imagining her mind to be a room like one from Andersen’s Snow Queen’s castle.

She was just as heartless as the Snow Queen. Only she didn’t try and ruin the lives of others.

Or did she?

Isn’t that just what she did with her mother’s life? The life of the one person she loved – well, until she found out she wasn’t capable of love – unconditionally and wholly? The person, who sacrificed so much over the years to make her daughter’s life much easier and better than her own had been? To allow for her daughter to take any class or course she wanted, spend time as she wished within reasonable bounds and travel wherever and as often as their financial situation allowed?

She wondered if the Snow Queen had been a terrible daughter. Had she been born to a family of Snow Emperors, or did she come from a loving and caring home, but grew up to be so heartless and cold, despite everyone’s best efforts?

The essay before her eyes seemed to quiver a bit. She realized it was because of the tears that were filling up her eyes. She was surprised – she couldn’t remember the last time she cried. That was surely another sign of her heartlessness. She never cried at movies and she didn’t like tears in general – to her, they were just salty and wet signs of weakness.

Why was she crying? Was her body rejecting her soul – if she even had one – because of its heartlessness? Was it refusing to morph into an ice cold shell?

She looked at the bar of chocolate that was laying on the edge of her desk. “If you feel bad, just eat some chocolate. It makes everything better,” her friend had once said. She picked it up and tore the wrapper, but her stomach twisted and she almost felt sick when the smell of nougat and cocoa reached her nose. She felt as if she was going to be sick if she as much as took a bite of anything.

But she needed the endorphins, to focus on the final stages of the New Roman Empire’s conflict with the papacy...

She thought about the promise she had made to two good friends – one of them was dead now and the other was far away and she hadn’t talked to him in a long time. Those two moments, when she came out to the two people she trusted and they immediately made her promise to never do it again... They had made her feel so weak, so vulnerable, but it was nice to see someone care and not judge her for what she did.

But she had to be able to focus enough to write.

She looked down at her wrist and saw that her nails had already made a red mark on the ivory skin. Suddenly, she was furious at herself - she had promised to never do it again. She felt sick of her weakness, her vulnerability, her angst. Even to herself, she sounded like a horribly self-pitying character from a bad young adult story. It made her feel sick, and not just metaphorically.

She went to the bathroom and splashed some cold water on her face, but the feeling of dizziness and nausea didn’t go away. Breathing deeply through her nose was no help, either – her stomach gave a lurch and she just barely made it to the toilet bowl. Silently dry-heaving, but feeling as if her stomach was about to fall out through her mouth, she leaned on the toilet, thinking how pitiful she was now.

If all the people that thought she was so strong could see her now... They wouldn’t believe her eyes. Or they would, and would turn their backs on her – or worse, pity her.

She couldn’t stand pity. She had to be strong, brave, always happy. And she was, thanks to the fact that she suppressed every bad feeling that she supposed she may have felt. Or she just never experienced them...

Tired of herself, her attitude and the whole situation, she went back to her room. Most people would feel heartbroken, as if their very self had been torn into little pieces – but she didn’t.

In the greater picture, she told herself, this situation didn’t matter. The world would keep turning whether she had a heart or not, as long as she wouldn’t commit genocide or in some other way harm lots of people. So it really didn’t matter at all.

Perhaps it was because of that, or maybe it was not, but she felt both whole and incredibly insignificant. It gave her a sense of calmness – it really didn’t matter.

She didn’t know how it had happened or what part of her brain directed her physical actions during the time she thought all that, but when she looked down, a few drops of blood were rolling down her thumb. She was surprised and examined it more closely, tasting the liquid to make sure it wasn’t something that had dripped on – and only then she felt a stinging sensation.

Turning her hand over to examine her palm, she noticed three long gashes running across her forearm. She realized that she was holding a Swiss army knife in the other hand.

Only two thoughts were in her mind: how did this happen and why did I break the promise, the only promise I’d ever made that I was so sure I would keep?

I’m sorry, she whispered, thinking about her mother, whom she had failed, and her friends, whom she had given her word, and her family, who would probably miss her. I’m sorry for failing you all.

I love you.

A Letter to Clear My Head

2011-10-10T22:16:00.001+02:00

I've heard that writing letters to people for whom you have conflicting emotions is essential to maintain a clean environment of your inner psyche. (Okay, I shamelessly copied that from a newspaper I read someplace, but the point is carried across). So I'm going to give it a go.

I'm not going to call this person by their real name, since it would not only make it too obvious to them that it is them I am talking about (it's quite clear anyways, but unless I use a name it's clear only to them), and that wouldn't be a very good idea.

So, here's to clearing a room in my psyche's house. *drumroll* Ta-da!

Dear K,

I'm writing to you because... Well, to be honest, I don't really know. You confuse me, and I need a way to figure out what I want/need/have from you and what I don't in order to decide what changes need to be made. I'll need time to make them, but I hope I manage to do at least some of what I'll decide before you go back.

Frankly, you messed up a corner of my mind that I thought was a thing of the past. In just a few months, I'd managed to squirrel away a whole plethora of feelings, deciding - based on advice from a much more emotionally intelligent friend of mine - that they were the fleeting kind, something we "grow out of". But then you said what you said and did what you did, messing that up.

Or rather, bringing some very important issues up again.

Because frankly, I don't find it to be very healthy for me not to know who I am as a person - and don't tell me that's not at least partly what my problem is here. It's not just you leaving, it's also me not realizing you're that important. Because... Well, you are important. And maybe the "that" in the last sentence is right now an overstatement, who knows how much our relations could grow in the next... What do we have left, five days?

But maybe we'll stay in touch and continue building on what we had going on here... If that offer is still up in the air, that is. Because I know my reaction probably wasn't the best of them all, but that's because you surprised me. Or... Maybe that's not the right word. Maybe I just didn't expect to realistically consider the answer to your question, I guess I assumed my answer would be "no" without actually giving the matter any thought.

Don't blame me or feel as if that was a way of me saying I don't care about you, you know that I have the capacities of a very stupid creature as emotional analysis goes. And this letter, even this is costing me a lot of conscious introvert-ing, which - unlike the subconscious kind - isn't just piling up not thought-through emotions inside until they explode in a bright flurry of confusion, like it happened that one day.

So basically, what I'm saying, is: let's keep in touch and see where we go. I can't make any promises, but I can say that I now realize my feelings - or whatever they are - aren't just momentary and that you're in some way important to me. Important enough to want to keep you at least as a friend.

Thanks for hearing me out, even though you're very unlikely to ever find this,

Adrielne.

Just something I wrote on Tumblr today.

2011-09-11T12:18:00.001+02:00

Sorry if it's not sensitive of me to say...

…but I am absolutely sick of all the 9/11 posts. And yes, I know it’s an unpopular opinion, but I also know I’m not alone.

I KNOW it was a tragedy, and I DO know people who lost their loved ones and I DO feel sorry for them all and pray for them, but… Seriously, there’s a difference between remembrance and fanaticism. And keep in mind, this event happened TEN YEARS AGO. Posting a shitton of pictures of the Twin Towers is NOT going to help anyone. If it helps you in some therapeutic way, how about printing them out and posting them on your walls?

Seriously, Americans… Shit happens in history. You have ANY idea how many people were killed on practically EVERY street in my city just during WWII? About much more than in the terrorist attacks of 2011. Do you know how many people die every day because of bombings and protests and terrorist-related stuff in the Middle East and/or Africa? Why don’t you post pictures of that every day, to remember?

You have a tendency to blow stuff like this way out of proportion. I’m not saying the attacks weren’t a tragic event and that you should forget and never mention it, but… Fuck, it’s been 10 years. 120 months. I’d think you could just mention it once in the news or something and hold a memorial service, but then you go and make a second “Boston Massacre” out of it. Five people died in that event and you go and call it a massacre - my historical feelings are hurt, because at the same time when you hear about the Holocaust or underground movements from WWII in Europe, you’re saying “well, history needs its’ sacrifices”.

Your propaganda goes so far that HALF of the main half-hour news service in Poland was devoted to the 9/11 attack. No other event in the year got as much attention.

But of course you’ll call me not understanding, hating etc etc etc. So I guess I’ll just stick to meme and/or non-American Tumblrs until the havoc of “patriotism” dies down and everyone goes back to being their normal, less annoying selves. But I can’t promise that I won’t start unfollowing everything that goes on about 9/11 in any way more than MENTIONS. Not like you care, I’m just saying.

Being a Practicing (insert faith here)

2011-08-26T23:24:00.002+02:00

I'm a practicing Catholic (well, my views slightly differ from those of the Church, but let's not get into that now), and my take on it is this.

Catholicism is about Jesus - His death, resurrection etc. bringing us the chance to live forever (after death, as a soul in Heaven). So the most important thing for us to do in our religious life is to get closer to God so we can go to Heaven ASAP once we kick the bucket in the mortal world. Right? And the way to do that is through sacraments. Eucharist (and Confession) is what I'm talking about here. Communion is the closest you can physically get to God while still on Earth.

Hm. Let's say you're happily in love. You WANT to see your partner as often as possible, right? Because you love them. And you want to spend every bit of your time with them and share your whole lives. Well, you love God, right? So assuming that's true, you want to share your whole life with Him - and the best way to do that is the one offered by Church, through Communion at Mass. And since Sunday is a holy day, God would appreciate you coming over then, if you don't have time for it in other days of the week, too. It's like... When you visit the grandparents or parents - they love you no matter what, but if you visit, they get to care for you and it makes them happy.

Some say that if you don't practice, you're not REALLY a Catholic. And I must say, I sort of agree. There's a million light years between believing in a god and identifying that as the Catholic God, and being a true Catholic. It's not a thing of "going by the book" and going to Mass, it's... Well, when you have this feeling that you SHOULD be at Mass every Sunday or you're missing something from your week - like what you'd have if you didn't get to visit that love of your life we talked about earlier - then you know that your relationship with God is much closer.

PRACTICING A FAITH. It means going to the respective place of prayer at intervals dictated by the rules of the faith, it means feeling a relationship with the deity the faith assumes belief in, it should also mean wanting to improve your religious life by trying to do MORE than you're doing with your faith.

I consider myself to be a practicing Catholic because I go to Mass every week (because I feel the need to and it gives me an hour of complete calming-down, helps me think through my problems etc, not because someone tells me to), I try to pray/meditate every day (not always in prayer itself - for the most part, it's more like a one-sided conversation, asking for help or advice or thanking for what I have, but I do use the rosary often, about once or twice a week if I have the time). I'm open to talk about my faith or any faith, as you can see by the length of this comment, but I don't make a point of expressing it everywhere I go (so no "Love Jesus or die" t-shirts, no bumper stickers, no blog posts trying to convert people - but if someone asks, I do try my best to give an answer, like here).

BEING CATHOLIC. To be Catholic, you have to be baptized, but being baptized does not mean you're Catholic. A bunch of my atheist/agnostic friends were baptized as children, but they no longer consider themselves as part of the faith. I think that to be Catholic, you have to believe and try to participate in sacraments.

I know a few people who have recently converted to catholicism, who don't go to Mass weekly YET, because they're working on understanding where the need to go should come from. And I think they're "better" Catholics than those, who go to Mass weekly just to be there, to show people they ARE in Church. And by "better" I mean making more of an effort to broaden their horizons in faith. Being Catholic means working on your faith in the way you see fit (the Church says you should work on it in a certain way - and they give you a list - but I think it's too personal a thing to make rules about).

I'm not sure how much that made sense - I personally don't think I'm all that great at expressing my views... But I'm willing to talk more about this, if you want to :)

Did I Just Grow Up Or...?

2011-07-27T21:06:00.001+02:00

Sorry for leaving you with all that pessimism of the last post for so many long days... But I was so busy I couldn't sit down and write out a coherent, deep post. Even now as I'm sitting here, I'm not sure I'll finish this entry tonight.

because in the time I've been away from you all (once again, I apologize), I've done quite a lot of thinking. But that was caused by the many things that happened in that number of days.

But the main part that made me realize what I'm about to write... Well, a certain guy turned out to be an idiot. Well, to be honest, so did I. Part of me was really hoping that it would work out, but another part was constantly shouting for alarm. I guess I knew all along that something was wrong... Which was why I stayed pretty pessimistic about it.

Yeah, yeah, I'm being very teenage-dramatic about it. But the worse and emo-ful part is to follow: I realized that I want a boyfriend. Someone to hug or to spend time with. But not all soppy-ass like the regular girls. I was thinking more of a "partner in crime" type relationship. Someone completely crazy. Actually, more of a best friend with the "hug and kiss" option than an actual romantic partner.

I know it might not be a revelation for many, because most people are conscious of wanting to be in a relationship before they're eighteen and a half. Hell, I know girls - and guys! - who know exactly what they want their boyfriend or girlfriend to be like. And it's not just the obvious, like "cute" and "charming" and "caring" and stuff, but more down-to-earth things: "able to cook well", "likes to keep things orderly because I tend to make a mess and I want an even balance"... Stuff I haven't even thought about.

But when I first lost touch with the guy I talked about earlier and later spent a whole two days with a couple (who weren't sickeningly sweet, just regular-level sweet), I realized that I might just have grown out of my "no permanent guy" shell.

Or at least part of me has. Because there's still a "forever bro" part from when the guy friends were around - I'd help them chat up girls, give them flirting advice and always be the best friend. Until they set me up with quite the disastrous guy, who made me be even more sure that relationships aren't really my thing. And that part of me is still very much here, but it knows that it might not hang around forever. Because maybe someday, I won't stick to staring at hot guys (or stealing their hats like I did today), but I might go up and talk.

And that's what I'll try to do next time. Because if the relationship-wanting part of me is right, then I might just meet a guy I'll want to get to know better. And if it's not, the other part will be happy that I'm finally meeting new potential "bros". It's really a win-win situation, right?

Endogenous Morphine and How Not to Use It.

2011-05-12T17:24:00.000+02:00

I remember... It was the day of my last volleyball game of the season, sixth grade. I was in the bathroom, brushing my hair up into a ponytail, when he walked in. My father. Holding what seemed to be my journal. He had a very angry expression on his face and started screaming at me - how I write lies in there, lies that my mother's family tells me. I had always been a child with quite the imagination and I did write a few imaginary stories there, but he had no right to read them or judge me for writing as I wished.

I remember pushing my way past him out of the bathroom and locking myself in my room. I cried for a very long time - not only did he disrespect my privacy, but he would make me late for the game. The game! I had to get ready, fast. But I couldn't go like this, all crying and sad...

I remembered something about happiness hormones and adrenaline that I read in some magazine or saw on television: they were activated when we were hurt, physically. Endogenous morphine, it was called. Numbing both physical and emotional pain since the evolution of humankind. And I could use something to numb my feelings at that moment. I also remembered hearing about children, who would cut themselves when they were unhappy and how it made them feel better, for a little bit of time. And all I needed was three hours, I could be miserable again after that.

So I took a pair of manicure scissors and put the tip on my left arm. I felt calmed now that I had a purpose. Just as I was about to press down and pull across, I thought of how stupid I was - anyone would be able to see the cuts there. Instead of putting the scissors away, I moved them to my calf, below the sock line. No one would notice the marks.

That was the first time I cut myself.

I'm not writing this to say that I'm proud of it - oh no, I'm very far from that. I know it was a very cowardly thing to do. Instead of facing my emotions and dealing with them in my mind, I used my body to fake a feeling of "allrightness". And I knew all of that, even then.

Unfortunately, It wasn't the last time I did it.

The first time I cut my arms was about two years later, when my parents were getting divorced. My father kept insisting that he has the right to see me, I kept saying no - and I didn't want to see him. I hated him. And I couldn't deal with all the negative emotions I had inside.

Again, I knew that what I was doing was wrong, but the little bit of endorphins that I remembered from the previous time was argument enough. Since it was a cold summer, I wore mostly long-sleeved shirts, so instead of cutting my legs like last time, I tried my hands.

The skin is much thinner and more delicate on the arms than it is on the calves. It's much easier to cut it, but it also stings more. And the cuts are redder and more visible. They don't vanish the day after, like the ones on my leg did, but stay for a few days. When you run a finger over them, it feels as if they were protruding from the skin - small ridges that constantly rubbed against shirt sleeves, prickling at each contact with the not-at-all-soft cloth.

I'm not saying this to manifest some form of style and I don't want your (or anyone's) pity. So far, I have only resorted to hurting myself a total of five times. I don't want to glorify what I did in any way - but I think you could tell that from the way I wrote about it.

I'm just saying how scarily logical it seems - once the idea of cutting myself pops into my mind, I am feeling low enough to think it's a good one. It's all too easy to take something with an edge that is at least a little bit sharp...

But it's not worth the regret later. Or the feeling of not being able to deal with something. That leads to hopelessness and that - to more self-cutting. I imagine that this turns into an infinite loop until soon a person feels so hopeless, so alone with their problems, that they can't escape the habit.

THAT'S NOT TRUE.

When you want to change something in your life, all you need to do is think about what you want to change and how to go about it. There is a way out of every situation and all you must do is find it. I'm not saying it's an easy task, but the alternative is to do nothing but be miserable. And that IS worse.

My aim isn't to moralize. I'm not over all my problems yet - in fact, recently there have been many more of them than I can handle - but I know that if someone stood next to me when I was at my worst and told me that there is a way out, I'd have tried it. I was just too much of an "I'm fine, nothing's wrong" person to admit it. I still am, which is why I would never say any of this out loud. Even posting it on my blog takes a lot - some people that visit this page know me in real life.

All I can do once I click "publish post" is hope that they don't judge me or ask questions. Because I don't want to talk about this. I am dealing with everything. Or trying to, at least.

(Im)Perfectness - To All the Girls Out There.

2011-05-01T17:15:00.000+02:00

Not even a few days ago, my friend - who is absolutely GORGEOUS - admitted to me

that she starves herself or forces herself to vomit to keep her body shape

the way it is. And I realized how many girls struggle with the way they look,

with meeting some nonsensical social standards of some sort.

This is to all of you who have issues with your looks or know someone who does

and to all others who are willing to listen to my super-long pep talk.

This is only a start of what I want to say on the subject of looks,

hence the tagging of this post. I think this is an important issue,

especially with so many girls feeling forced to look a certain way.

Pardon my not-best wording and not-smoothest style, but this is an issue

that I tend to get quite emotional about, especially in the current situation.

A lot of people talk about how looks don't matter, how it's not important if you're a size XS or XL, but what you're like inside. And it's all great and fine, but most of these people have picture-perfect bodies, ideal hair, smooth makeup and are the photoshopped heroes of Vogue and Elle covers.

So how are we, whose waists are larger than 25 inches, to see ourselves as perfect and beautiful just the way we are?

Well, everyone has insecurities. Even those great stars of show business, who we think are perfect and could never have ANY issues with the way they look. It might seem like a small thing compared to the problems you and I have, but

Megan and her too big thumbs. Fuu-

Megan Fox, in an interview for Cosmopolitan, said:

“I’m very confident in how I project my personality, but in terms of how I look, I’m completely, hysterically insecure. I’m self-loathing, introverted and neurotic.”

The picture on the right shows the girl we're talking about. How can she be insecure about the way she looks? She has a beautiful body, pretty hair, a nice face (both before and after the plastic surgery she got, but I much preferred her natural looks - her choice, though). Her legs are perfect, I don't think I need to comment on her bum, she has B/C cups, proportional to her body, large and gorgeous eyes, a straight nose, pretty hands and oh my, the tattoos she has are wonderful. And her overall figure is just perfect.

To many people, someone much less popular would still be an image pretty close to perfection. Hell, anyone who has a pair of eyes, a nose and a mouth already has a fully formed face - and even if they don't, they're still beautiful in their different-ness. And there ARE people (like me) who appreciate that. Because beauty isn't skin-deep.

But going back to Megan... We established that she's gorgeous. And what do we hear from critics? That her thumbs are too large. Her freaking THUMBS. Who cares if she has bigger thumbs than I do? If they didn't pick on her thumbs, they'd probably find a bump on her knee that they didn't like.

Because people are just that picky. They'll take something and accuse it of imperfection. Which is actually making said thing perfect. We don't love people for their good sides, but for their faults - we don't want to be surrounded by perfect people, but by ones who have faults and insecurities like we do, so they can relate to us, making them perfect friends. We want to look up to people who are imperfect, so we know we have a chance to be like them one day.

No one wants a PERFECT looking person. Because what is "perfect looks"? Everyone answers that differently - to one, a perfect-looking woman is skinny as a stick. To another, she's rather curvy. One will pick a short redhead with a fair complexion and freckles and another - a tall, cinnamon-skinned woman with black hair and dark eyes.

That's why we are ALL perfect in the way we look - but only if we feel good in our bodies. I've seen people you'd never think you'd see on a runway, who were modeling at local fashion events. I saw a woman whom you could safely call overweight win a beauty contest because she walked like any top model would -with pride - while those skinny fifteen-year-olds were ashamed of every single fat cell on their body.

All you need to be perfect in the way you look is some confidence. That can come from two places - yourself, an inner "I love myself the way I am", or your friends, boyfriends, girlfriends and family, who will tell you that you look beautiful. So do yourself a favor - get some clothes you think look nice on you, put on some makeup (or don't, if you like your natural self better), wear your favorite shoes and go out. Take a walk through the park, go grab a coffee with friends, just get out of the house. And smile at people. And imagine you're a superstar, incognito on vacation. You KNOW you look like a million dollars and people WILL see you that way.

And if they don't - they're not good enough.

Lady Gaga - "Born This Way"

My mama told me when I was young

We're all born superstars

She rolled my hair and put my lipstick on

In the glass of her boudoir

There's nothin' wrong with lovin' who you are

She said, 'cause He made you perfect, babe

So hold your head up, girl, and you'll go far,

Listen to me when I say

I'm beautiful in my way

'Cause God makes no mistakes

I'm on the right track, baby

I was born this way.

Don't hide yourself in regret

Just yourself and you're set

I'm on the right track, baby

I was born this way, born this way.

I normally don't call on Lady Gaga to be a voice of reason in my blog posts, but this song - and a set of nice heels and a dress - made me realize that I, despite being not the skinniest people around, despite my many other insecurities, can also be considered beautiful. I didn't have doubts about it before - I knew I wasn't ugly, deformed or hated for my looks - but this was just the extra confidence boost I needed.

A few weeks ago when I told my friend I was fat, she looked at me and told me to shut up and eat my last slice of pizza. I'm a size 36/38, but I'm a huge fan of bikini bellies - flat tummies that look so nice and tan in the summer at the beach. I have never dieted (unless we count "okay, fine, I won't eat sweets until prom to fit in that dress" as dieting, which I won't), I have never stuck to an exercise routine other than "whenever I feel like it, I do a hundred sit-ups, some leg-ups and a bit of belly dance stuff", I have never thrown up to be skinnier or skipped meals.

What I have done is pulled my stomach in for a few hours at a time or worn slimming underclothes. I've refused to look at myself in the mirror when I reached size 40. And I didn't like the lack of confidence and self-acceptance one bit.

So I told myself: I'll get my weight down to 55 kilos (just about 120 pounds). Slowly, healthily, but that will be my long-term goal and I'll get there. And that goal is still somewhere in my mind, but I choose the means of getting there depending on what's going on. Right now, my priority is looking nice in a swimsuit in the summer, so I'm doing belly exercises, getting ready to get my bike out of the garage and bike everywhere I need to go instead of taking public transport... And I might even take up running once finals end. In the winter, I focus more on my thighs and arms for skiing and eat a bit less as I don't spend time as actively as when it's warm.

My knees - they're shaped weirdly. And there's fat above them. It's a genetic thing, but if I toned my legs, it might go away... Or just be more visible.
My lower belly - I'm not proportional. The lower parts of my belly have more fat tissue than the upper ones, around my diaphragm.
My crooked fingers - from years of piano playing and multiple sports injuries. Can't do much about it, but at least my fingers are long and I have a nice nail shape.
My feet - there's a huge gap between my big toe and the rest, my toenails are weird and I have lots of scars on them from blisters from too-early-started pointe class.
My boobs - celebrities always look like their breasts are close together, they have the whole cleavage thing going on. I know, I know, a massive push-up, silicon and Photoshop, but still...

If you're having issues with accepting the way your breasts look, I'd suggest checking out this site, which is a (non-porn, advisory only) gallery of natural female and male boobs in all shapes and sizes.

My teeth - someone jokingly said you could land an aircraft on them. And it's true. That and they're sort of yellowish and will never be pure white. Another genetic thing.
My eyebrows - they're generally too bushy and all over the place, so I have to take care of them once or twice a week. And of course, they can never come out identical...
My butt - I look fine in jeans that are sort of tighter, but in skirts, I sometimes tend to feel a bit too big. I guess it must just be one of those "Do I look fat?" "Oh shut up" things, but... Meh.

There's more to my issues with the way I look, but I don't think there's a point in listing it all - I just want you to know that if you're having issues with the way your body looks or the way people see your body, you're not alone. EVERYONE has those things that they don't like about themselves and we can all be still confident in ourselves despite that. Pick a style you look good in, change what you want to change in your looks (just don't overdo it).

But remember - the only person you're changing for is yourself. You're perfect just the way you are and you will be perfect in whatever way you choose to be, just pick the most comfortable form of your own perfection.

Wonderful Tonight - by Eric Clapton

It's late in the evening; she's wondering what clothes to wear.
She puts on her make-up and brushes her long blonde hair.
And then she asks me, "Do I look all right?"
And I say, "Yes, you look wonderful tonight."

There's always at least a few people out there who love you just the way you are. Do you think that this lady from the song was as perfect as she's described? No, but she was perfect to the man who's singing this. Just like your partner, despite his faults, looks absolutely perfect to you when he (or she) makes that face. Or when he or she stands in the door that way. Or when he or she does that thing... You know best what I mean. He (she) is perfect to you. And that's all that matters, right? Well, they see you the same way, silly!

And if you don't have that one and only yet (like myself), your best friends love you. And if you don't have those (like I didn't for about ten years of my life because I kept pushing people away), you'll find them one day. And that one and only, too. And they'll feel that way about you. But for now, you just need to hold on to yourself and your confidence and be patient.

Because if there's a guy out there for me - and I know there is, even if he's not a prince charming in shining armor and doesn't have a white horse or even a whitewashed donkey, even if he'll sell his armor and helmet for food and walk all the way to this fucking castle of loneliness I'm in right now and even if he'll have no idea how to pick a lock or climb the wall to rescue me but will hopelessly wait while I sneak out or climb down myself - there's also someone for you. Someone, who will love you, care for you and adore the ground you walk on, just the way you are.

And I want to tell you something... You personally. You, sitting there in front of that computer or reading this on your laptop or cell phone, I can't tell which it is, I can only see so much of you through the screen. Don't listen to all those people who are going to tell you that you're fat, ugly, deformed, weird, plain, average, crooked or any other bad thing.

Because guess what?

YOU'RE GORGEOUS AND I LOVE YOU.

You're the most beautiful person I saw today, both inside and out. You are confident, you stand tall no matter what your height is, you have your own style that you wear proudly, no matter if it's brand-name labels or stuff you made yourself or bought at secondhand stores, or even handed down from other family members (I have so much of that myself - probably the majority of my wardrobe is hand-me-downs), you're rocking that look!

Your smile is beautiful, your eyes simply shine in the light and your skin is gleaming. Not creepy vampire stalker glitter, but that gleam that only people who know their true worth have. When you walk, your hair sways perfectly and when you're thinking, you have this face expression that is just so adorable and sweet and charming.

And if you ever want to talk, whether I've seen you recently or not at all, no matter if I know you or not, comment or message me here or on MSN (adrielne@hotmail.com) or tweet me (Adrielne01). Whatever your problem is, I'll listen and help - whether what you need is advice, aid, a cyber-hug or just a friendly ear. And remember, YOU are the only one in control.

No BEDA Here...

2011-04-02T19:24:00.001+02:00

I'm going to try doing BEDA this year.

The catch? It will be on my other blog, www.elneraptor.blogspot.com, since I tend to post a lot more there than here. It'd be too difficult to have something thoughtful to say every day for the entire month leading up to the finals, so I'll just post things weekly, if possible. But don't hold me to my word.

Anyways, this was just a quick post to let you know about the goal :) Go over to the Elne blog if you want to stay up to date!

On Fear.

2011-02-25T12:54:00.003+01:00

I'm not a person who gets scared too easily - or at least I like to think so. In horror movies, the only thing that makes me curl up into a ball (but continue watching) are kids. Those freaky, psychopath kids, especially ones between the age of three and fifteen. I'm not scared to walk around the house when it's dark, I never believed in monsters in my closet, being around people who are (or claim to be) in contact with ghosts and spirits doesn't make my skin crawl...

Some people say I don't get scared at all. Ever. But what I do is I hide my fears and vulnerabilities. I'm too proud to admit it when something is wrong, I don't like being the weak one who can't get on with life. But I do get scared.

Probably, my biggest fear is loneliness. If you like Nietzsche (I don't, not really), you'd say this is an effect of my childhood - what with being brought up in a broken family - but I disagree. I'm not scared of BEING alone or LIVING alone or spending my life alone. I'm scared of the FEELING of loneliness. Or actually, of giving in to that feeling. If that makes any sense to you.

What's the difference? Same as between being alone and being lonely. You can live alone and be happy - drink milk or juice out of the carton, put your favorite music on, sing while showering and not have anyone comment on it... You can be happy when alone. But lonely... That's another story. It's when you WANT to spend time with others, but there aren't any people to spend your time with. They might just not be around at the time, they may have other appointments or they might just not exist, it doesn't matter - because at the moment, you're lonely.

Everyone gets lonely once in a while. When you look at pictures from a few years ago, when you were with friends - and you realize that you didn't keep in touch "forever", as you promised each other. When you have a problem you don't know how to solve and you don't think anyone can help you. When you realize that you're getting old and you haven't found that person yet (that's not my case, but a few middle-aged people I know seem to be having the "single life" problem...).

Or when you meet someone new. Someone, who is smart and intelligent and well-mannered. You didn't plan on getting to know them - it was all accidental - but then you see them again. And another time. In the company of your friends. And then you talk to the person, sometimes with others, sometimes alone. And you realize that - were you a romantic one like some of your friends - you'd be imagining yourself growing old together with them.

But then you realize that it's not going to happen. Because you're too messed up a person for it to work out. And your current situation is more weird than most people could imagine.

At the same time, you're not a person to dwell on your problems, so you stop thinking about what others in your place would think. Not like you usually analyze things like this anyways. So you dismiss the thoughts of fears and attachment and you move on with life.

...Yeah, that's the very deep and thought-through post for today. But as to lighten the mood, what movies have you seen recently? I went to the cinema and saw "Love and Other Drugs", and let me tell you - it was a FAILURE! An odd connection of pseudo-drama, stupidly directed romance, cheap humor and softcore porn... I want to see something good now. Any advice on what to choose?

A Word About the Interwebs.

2011-01-26T15:55:00.000+01:00

Today is going to be a bit more serious than it usually is around here - and that's because an issue has been brought to my attention. It appears that some people think I condone one hundred percent trust as meeting people on the web goes. The message a fellow Internet user sent me also contained a few very unkind words about the state of my intelligence and a sentence or two about my mother and her upbringing. Overall, the whole letter was lengthy, but few fragments could ever be quoted publicly.

I appreciate the care someone took in explaining to me that I'm an idiot for trusting people I don't know in real life. I can also understand how this person could have been motivated by not wanting to have something bad happen to a fellow Internet user... But I disagree. And since this is something I can't explain in one sentence, please just hear me out - and this entry will be posted on all of my blogs.

There are two major ideas going around: one is that the Internet is a big bad place full of creeps and psychopath pedophiles just waiting for a kid to log on and talk to them. The other is that the likelihood of finding a person who poses real danger to us is very small, so it can be omitted when debating the filter for our personal information.

Because it got a bit serious 'round here.

The first mindset - the "heavy filter" - has its pros and cons. For one thing, it is a sure-fire way to protect you from any creeps. You just don't talk to ANYONE that you don't know in real life and you sometimes even take the time to make sure if the person you're talking to really IS the person they say they are. Just in case someone is impersonating your friend to find and stalk you. And if that's what you feel comfortable doing, that's okay. There is a zero to null chance of someone posing a threat (unless they have psychopath tendencies in real life, but that's just a wrong friend choice and not the Internet's fault), but on the negative side, you miss out on many potentially great friendships.

The second mindset - the "zero filter" - poses a very real threat for you. Not only does revealing personal information make identity theft much easier, but it might also be a bit too convenient to find you. Having the name of the city you live in - assuming it's something really big, like New York - isn't something to worry about, but if you pair that up with a close-up of your apartment building that shows the address and if you reveal your phone number and some more info, you might be an easy catch for impersonation. Not to mention the fact that there ARE creeps out there who DO look for people like that.

Most of us don't fit in either of those boxes and neither do I. During my time on the web, I went from the first mindset to the second and finally stopped somewhere in the middle, finding a happy medium between what I now consider paranoia and idiotic naivety.

For all those who are concerned about my usage of the Internet and the amount of data I share, I will now explain my views on the subject.

Fact one: I talk to people I haven't met in real life on the Internet.
...but I don't go meeting them in real life, making for assault opportunities for them. And really, there isn't even a WAY for me to meet these people. They live either in Great Britain or in the States, which is a two-hour or an eight-hour flight respectively. And way-more-money-than-I-can-spend-now away. But even if they weren't, I still wouldn't be too quick to make the decision of meeting them in person, and even if, it would be preceded by video calls and making arrangements for a friend to come along and for us to meet in a public area, like a shopping mall or something.

Sometimes, it really IS this easy.

Fact two: All these people belong to one forum.
And www.harrypotterfanfiction.com, of which I've been a part of for over a year, is special. The forum is meant for fans of the series, who write or read fanfics and is VERY STRICTLY moderated. Everything has to be kept 12+, including personal messages between users (as I found out not long ago). The community isn't like a normal forum, with profanities and meanness, but more like... A group of friends centered around a common goal of writing. And Harry Potter? It brings people together.

Fact three: I don't reveal personal information before I'm pretty sure they're trustworthy.
I know that it's now unusually easy to find out personal information about people just from Google. Countless times, I've googled my name (not for the thrill of seeing how many results I get, but for checking how high on the stalkable scale I am) and I was always surprised by the number of results. Then again, if I spend over three months talking to someone for hours a day, I think I can say I'm pretty certain of their intentions.

So putting that all together, I don't trust random strangers on the web from chat services and websites that have millions of anonymous users, but the ones whose stories I read and with whom I first talk on the site, without revealing any information about myself. I don't rush to give out my full name or any other personal data.

But as to not cause any confusion - since I DO admit to giving out SOME personal information, like my full name, the name of the city I live in or (only to a select few) my phone number - here's a list of things to remember when talking to strangers on the web:

- Do not start a conversation with giving out personal info. A screen name and a few hobbies is enough to start a conversation, age and location are not required. Actually, it's a good idea not to include personal info in the first few weeks of talking to the person.

- Talk to people from sites you trust. It's good if you first browse the person's profile, blog, comments or posts before talking to them, to get a sense of what they're like and whether you want to spend time talking to them for an extended time.

- It's always better to say a few words too little than a few words too much. Keep that in mind when talking about work, school and family so you don't find yourself revealing personal information without saying it flat-out.

- Don't get overly paranoid, but watch the conversation subject. If someone asks about your favorite movies, it's probably not going to hurt if you tell them a few titles and discuss the acting or soundtracks, but you might want to say "stop" when the conversation becomes too personal for your liking.

- If you have spent a long time talking to someone online and you want to meet them in real life, first try a video chat. If everything seems okay, you may consider (and I repeat, CONSIDER) the possibility of MAYBE meeting them, but you should talk to some smarter people about it first.

Never reveal too much personal info, m'kay?

There are probably many more safety in the Internet hints and tips I could give you, but if you're old and mature enough you know them all by intuition and won't go making stupid mistakes. And if you're not, well, either google Internet safety and read a few articles about it or ask someone older and more mature than yourself about it.

But really, if you're good at thinking logically and you think about it a bit, you can probably figure it out by yourself.

And please, if you DO feel the need to instruct me on online safety (or if you want to bring my attention to any other matter that you feel is important), do so in kinder and more publishable words so I can address what you say publicly without fearing that my blog may have to be rated 18+ for the use of horrid language (not to mention grammar and punctuation).

Many Things.

2011-01-06T20:48:00.001+01:00

I have a whole gazillion of things I want to tell you today and I have no idea of how to begin, middle and end. I do know how to verb nouns and noun verbs, though - which isn't help at all, but at least it's some form of consolation, compensation and contradictification.

I wish I could just write three parallel blog posts and have you read all three at once, but since I can't do that, we'll have to go by numbered list. Oh, how we all love numbered lists, don't we? Anyways, as to finally get to the point:

1) I lost the blogging challenge.

You all know that, but since I made such a big deal of it, I thought I should address it.

See, the holidays are a really bad time for anything for me. There's too much going on, what with making gifts for my friends, gift-shopping for family, cooking, cleaning, arranging, rearranging, correcting, fixing, decorating, icing, shoveling, polishing and whatever other round-the-house verb there is. I slept for two hours a night and wished for a hole in the space-time continuum that I could squeeze in and that would give me a few good hours of peaceful sleep. A whole day, if posssible, but even fifteen minutes would have been great.

Then there was my ski trip, a nice family affair that ended in me (probably) breaking a finger. I haven't seen a doctor because there's really no need - it was professionally set by an ex-nurse on the spot and a finger brace that our landlord had from when his wife broke her finger was given to me. I know it's broken and I know it will heal in time - no reason to waste a professional's time. It still makes life a bit more difficult, but only for a little while.

Adding in a few more events (including a friend getting into a car crash and another one having a fatal accident when hiking in the mountains over Christmas break), I didn't even have the time to post a "will be back once my life gets more normal" blog, much less an entry that would explain why I took so long and what I was planning for this year.

2) I want to change things around a bit.

Originally, this blog was supposed to be for the non-personal things, but that was a bit (okay, more than a bit) difficult to keep up, what with blogging every day. That is why I am starting yet another blog at http://elneraptor.blogspot.com/ that will contain personal entries and keeping the thought box for more "worldly" things, like reviews, essay-type entries and such, not just random rants.

You might think it's an unnecessary split, but I'd like to keep at least some part of what I do organized and I found that this blog is turning into mild chaos, hence the division. If you'd like to keep up with day-to-day stuff that happens in my life, you can follow the other blog!

So how will the blog look like from now on?

Well, first off, I won't be even trying to post daily. I'll go for weekly for now and see how that works out. This isn't only because of the fact that I lost the blogging challenge, but also because my time will now be divided between two blogs and an extra amount of studying.

Secondly, the themes will be more serious on here. It won't be personal, but will remain very opinionated. You can expect anything from book reviews to my reactions to recent events to picking at the way society or politics work (or rather, don't work).

3) Hope you had a lovely Christmas and I wish you all the best in the New Year!

One can never have enough luck, joy, love, happiness and trust, but I hope that this year that has just started will be much better for you than the previous one and that you fulfill at least some of your dreams and be a happy, optimistic person!

Poland - the Christian Bastion.

2010-12-20T22:42:00.000+01:00

As promised, this week will be all about the holidays and everything that is associated with them, from this side of the Polish border. That means you'll get a series of five entries talking about the reasons, traditions, presents and foods that are associated with the holidays. I always find those tadbits of information very interesting - they're often what really defines a culture.

For a start, I think I need to explain just how important a holiday Christmas is.

Christmas is a time when people remember that 2,000 years ago a mystical invisible old bearded guy living in the sky knocked up some lady with a magic baby in order to save mankind because a few thousand years before that an evil talking snake made some other lady eat an apple, which she wasn't allowed to eat for some reason even though it was in her garden. From: Death Star PR: 10 Totally Justifiable Reasons For Murdering Someone This Christmas

Well, not really. But read for yourselves...

SOCIAL ATTITUDES:

That description of the holidays is the polar opposite of what Christmas is here. The Polish society is in majority religious (almost 20% declare themselves to be very religious, about 70% religious, 8% undecided, 2% atheist). At the same time, ninety-four percent of Poles are Catholic.

That and the largely conservative and tradition-loving attitudes gives for a lot of room for strong feelings about the phrase "mystical invisible old bearded guy living in the sky". Not to mention the "knocked up some lady with magic baby". And the part about the "evil talking snake" making Eve eat the fruit (not apple, the apple is a metaphorical image created by European culture to make the concept easier to comprehend) that she shouldn't have picked "even though it was in her garden" (correction: Eden didn't belong to Eve).

HISTORICAL BASIS:

Christianity and general religiousness was (and still is) a major part of what the country is. The first date kids learn about Poland is the year 996, when the prince Mieszko I was christened in the Catholic faith, bringing the Czech kingdom and his own lands together through marriage with Dobrava, the daughter of the Czech king. The Baptism of Poland is the moment from which we count the history of the country.

Moving on in history, we reach the next vital date everyone should know here: the Battle of Grunwald on July fifteenth, 1410. It was fought by the Kingdom of Poland and the Great Duchy of Lithuania (which were connected through a union at the time), against the Teutonic Order. The Order, a form of religious knights a lot like the Knights Templar claimed to be very religious, devoted to the Virgin Mary and the Catholic faith and saw it as their duty to burn, pillage and destroy the lands belonging to Poland as a way of trying to convince them to turn to Christianity. Even if they already were Christian. But (forgive my strong feelings for the history of my country), who was the more religious, if it was the Polish and Lithuanian forces, who sung a hymn to Mary before battle and who fought honorably?

But let's move on: next big historical date (skipping over a few other important ones): December 27th 1655, the Siege of Jasna Góra. Jasna Góra, as you may know from an older blog entry of mine, is only the most important monastery in Poland and one of the top ten monasteries devoted to Mary in Europe (of course it's behind Louvres and Fatima, but I'm pretty sure it'd make the first five). Anyways, the Swedish army (actually, German mercenaries) attacked the monastery, once again on the basis of "teaching those savages a lesson", while priests (total number: 310) defended the place against over three thousand opponents. It was said that Mary was the one who saved the monastery, appearing on one of its' walls and repelling the cannonballs that were fired in the direction of it.

Now jumping a bit forward again: a while later, Poland disappeared off the face of the map of Europe for a long, long time due to the Partitions of Poland. Basically what happened, is Austria, Russia and Prussia (now Germany) decided that Poland would be nice to take apart and they did so, conveniently using the times when Poland was weakened by wars (fought to protect Europe from, say, the Turks, who were constantly attacking from the southeast border since the Middle Ages, all through the eighteenth century). As all non-independent countries, it didn't like its new status, so people rebelled. Usually, using faith as a reason to keep themselves fighting and add courage.

Then we go to the times of World War II. The Warsaw Uprising, to be exact. Mathematically speaking, the varsovians who faught had NO chance of winning, and for the most part, they knew it. It was a desperate act to pick the way they die, because they could see no chance of surviving the war. Of course, there was always the ray of hope and the idea of regaining independence, but it was a very slim chance, if it could even count as a chance at all. I remember seeing some statistics at one point that said that there was one weapon for every sixty members of the underground. And about twenty to thirty German soldiers on location (that means I'm not counting the ones who came along while the uprising was in progress) per every fighting Pole.

After that come the times of PRL (Polish People's Republic - the time when communists ruled the country and the Soviet Republic was a "great friend" of ours and were "always willing" to help out when the government was in need of support when "western commercialists" and their "wrong propaganda" disturb the peace and quiet of the "rightful" government... Okay, so I exaggerated a bit, but you get the idea), when religion wasn't exactly advised. Obviously, it became a harbor for opposition leaders... And a few years later, Pope John Paul II helped get Poland to the western side of the Iron Curtain. The first fully free election in 1989 was the breakthrough of that.

I'm well aware that this list is far from full and that I'm merely hinting at important events or processes, not giving full detail and delivering information in quite a biased way, but if someone is interested in the (very interesting, if I do say so myself) history of Poland, they can surely find books or websites that will make them much more satisfied with the professional approach of the writer.

This was supposed to be centered around Christmas, but I got a bit off track... Better luck tomorrow!

Last Google search: ballerina tutu yellow baloon
Now playing: "Mury" by Kaczmarski. It's in Polish, but look for a lyrics translation before listening...

Merry Christmas!

2010-12-19T22:06:00.001+01:00

Since it's only a a few days before the true holiday season begins, I made an ElfYourself dance for you... Using Harry Potter characters! I was going to post it here, but I'd either have to host it on YouTube first or upload it from my computer... And in both cases, I'd need to pay $4.99 first to even GET the dance in downloadable format.

Thanks a lot, OfficeMax. You send me a $10 coupon to redeem in a store, when I'm permanently living on the other hemisphere, and you can't let me have a five-dollar video off your site that I made for free.

But then I searched the vastness of YouTube for about two minutes and I found something that can substitute nicely.

Wasn't that just the right amount of completely absurd holiday spirit you needed to get back to the preparations that needed to get done?

Yeah?

Then quit procrastinating and go finish those preparations!

Merry Christmas to all!

Last Google search: Santa costume
Now playing: "Carol of the Bells"

Pet Peeves #64 - Lacking Synonyms.

2010-12-18T21:58:00.000+01:00

Don't you hate it when you're reading a story and all of a sudden you start noticing that each time dialogue is introduced, the author uses "said", "asked" and "replied" as the only dialogue tags, only sometimes dropping in words like "questioned", "shouted" and "retorted", but generally keeping to the very standard and not numerous vocabulary?

No? Really?

Well, it annoys the living daylights out of me. And I know that I'm guilty of doing so, too, but that's usually when I stay up long into the night hours trying to produce something at least half-decent for NaNoWriMo. But even then, I keep my "said-synonyms" list nearby to check

"Said-synonyms list, Adrielne? Seriously?" you probably ask. "A list of synonyms? It's so difficult?"

Well, there are over three hundred and ninety of them.

Accepted
Accosted
Accused
Acknowledeged
Acquiesced
Added
Addressed
Admitted
Admonished
Advised
Advocated
Affirmed
Aggrandized
Agonized
Agreed
Alleged
Allowed
Amended
Announced
Answered
Appealed
Applauded
Approved
Argued
Articulated
Asked
Assented
Asserted
Assigned
Assumed
Assured
Attested
Avowed
Bantered
Bargained
Barked
Bawled
Began
Begged
Bellowed
Beseeched
Bit back
Blubbered
Blurted out
Boasted
Bossed
Breathed
Broadcasted
Butted in
Cackled
Called
Came out with
Cautioned
Chanted
Charmed
Chastised
Cheered
Chimed in
Chirped
Choked
Chortled
Chorused
Chuckled
Cited
Claimed
Clarified
Clucked
Comforted
Commanded
Commended
Commented
Communicated
Complained
Complied
Complimented
Comcluded
Condescended
Confessed
Confided
Conjectured
Consoled
Consulted
Contended
Contested
Tonveyed
Cooed
Corrected
Coughed
Counseled
Cried
Criticized
Croaked
Crooned
Cursed
Debated
Decided
Declared
Defended
Delivered
Demanded
Demured
Denied
Denounced
Dented
Described
Dictated
Did
Directed
Disagreed
Disapproved
Disclosed
Disproved
Disrupted
Divulged
Drawled
Dreamed
Droned

...and those are only the first four letters of the alphabet! Maybe one day I'll post the whole thing, but just copying this took more typing time than I thought it would. Enjoy the lengthy list and await more (possibly) tomorrow!

Question for today: What annoys YOU most about the use of repeated words? Is it also dialogue tags that annoy you, or maybe constantly repeating the character's name? Tell me in a comment!

Last Google search: best fanfic of all time
Now playing:

Oh, a completely unrelated thing: if you like bizarre humor and are against "Twilight" or at least laughing at the fangirlism that surrounds it, you might want to take five minutes to read this fic here: When Edward Cullen Entered Hogwarts and Draco Malfoy Threw a Hissy Fit.

The Gaga Phenomenon - Outfits

2010-12-17T21:50:00.000+01:00

I was thinking of what I could do to "finish off" this week on my blog. I googled Lady Gaga, hoping to find something that would inspire me... And I did! It's a list of twenty-five of Gaga's most outrageous and ridiculous costumes. It's from May of this year, so the meat dress isn't on there, but a few other interesting ones are!

I am Re. Worship me. NOW.

This one was the first that caught my eye. First off, you can't tell me the sunny hairdo doesn't catch your attention. It must have taken hours to make it look that perfectly spaced - congratulations to the stylist!

Then our eyes move down (no, not that far down) and we notice the face mask style painting. My first thought? "The Sims!". You have to admit, the face paint icon DOES come to mind here...

And then we look at her actual clothes. What is this? Because I'd say it's some sort of window treatment turned into a one-piece, quite unsuccessfully and unfortunately. If it was only slightly modified, she'd keep the goddess/hooker look, but it wouldn't be as dramatically badly done.

Then I noticed the next picture - the one that went badly wrong. That previous one, the Goddess Re, at least it's in some way suggestively attractive. But this one? What's good-looking about being decked out in stuffed animal frogs?

Well, other than going to a French cuisine convention...

And maybe if they'd done something to her hair, to make it look more lively than the "I just emerged from a lake, don't expect an updo" situation she has going on... Well. My opinion is, I believe, clear.

Now I don't want you to think I'm being mean or something - these are actually the first thoughts that come to my mind. I'm not censoring them in any way, just writing as they come.

But let's move on to the next picture, because this one made me wonder more than once.

First off, is that a framed lobster on her head or do my eyes deceive me? Obviously, Gaga thinks that something becomes a hat as soon as you put it on your head.

One day, she'll learn how wrong that is... But hopefully, it won't be anytime soon. I'm too curious as to what else she might try to fix to her forehead.

But moving away from the lobster, her hair is yellow. Sunshine yellow. I'm pretty sure that's not entirely normal, but it completes the look quite well...

And said look is... Yep, that's right - translucent plastic.

I don't know why she does this. I mean, I know that she's trying to be as popular as possible, but there are limits. One of them being the limit of being unable to sit down because you're stuck in a nonflexible plastic dress.

"No, Adrielne, it is bendable! Look! *CRACK* Oh snap... Never mind..." is probably what would happen if I said that to the woman herself... And that would be before I commented on her silver moon-shoes-style heels. The whole creation looks like an astronaut from a distant planet in a galaxy far, far away, from a civilization that wears lobsters instead of crowns on their heads...

I could go on and on about her ridiculous dress choices, but you can just go to the original list and see them for yourselves. I think you know what I'd say about them by now...

So wave goodbye to Lady Gaga and tell me about your Christmas traditions as a starting point for next week's theme - I'll be talking about how the holidays are celebrated in my country, but I'd love to compare to what you do!

Last Google search: lobster headdress native
Now playing: "I", cover by Kamil Bednarek

Lyrics Dissected #3 - The Gaga Phenomenon

2010-12-16T22:48:00.000+01:00

I’ve asked three people the same questions:

1) What do you think about Lady Gaga’s singing?
2) What do you think about her songs?
3) What do you think about her looks?
4) What do you think about her style?
5) What do you think about her popularity?

And here are the answers I got from them:

Robert:
1) She’s not entirely the worst singer.
2) I don't really listen to her music, but they're on all the time. I like the Alejandro song because I like that name, but I hate the paparazzi song because I feel that she's sing about a want to be famous... it diminishes those who sing because they have a passion for music.
3) She's not entirely ugly either. I'm not much for blondes, but... I’d "consider" her... I’d maybe even "consider" her twice. And that's saying something.
4) She dresses funny. In a "hey look at me, what will I wear next" kind of way. It's often ridiculous. But I love that she is standing up (in American society) and pushing those boundaries.
5) She's amazingly popular actually. One day no one knew who she was, the next the world was singing her songs. It's crazy how fast fame can spread. But hers is often a fame that can be respected. Pushing boundaries, fighting proudly for human rights, I really think she can influence a change for the better. Fame plus philanthropy?

Becca:
1) Her singing - mediocre. I've heard better-- a lot better. But I've also heard a lot worse as well.
2) Her songs - I'm sorry to say that she should have been a one-hit wonder. The only song I absolutely still love of hers is Just Dance.
3) I haven't seen many of her videos. But if she's going for weird, she's got it down.
4) Her style - I understand that in today's world she's got to stand out a bit. However, she's kind of just... too weird for me.
5) Her popularity - you know, to be completely honest, I don't know just how popular she is around where I live.

I told you about the things I think a singer needs to do to be popular. But Lady Gaga isn’t really a singer. By now, she has become an icon of pop culture. If you see a woman with fake-looking hair and a dress made out of meat, you can be sure it’s her. If you see a woman in very skimpy clothes with sunglasses decorated with lit cigarettes, it’s her. She bases her style and behavior on surprising people with it, on crossing lines.

Is it just me who thinks so? That’s possible. I mean, I wouldn’t know what you guys think, since I only get comments from one person lately. No guilt trips intended, but if you’d like to, the comment box is waiting for you patiently...

But anyways. If you'd be interested in letting me know what YOU think, leave a comment answering the questions: What do you think about Lady Gaga’s singing? What do you think about her songs? What do you think about her looks, her style? Is she popular in your region?

A Haiku.

2010-12-15T23:02:00.002+01:00

I had a bad day
So I'll write you a haiku
And it will be fine :)

The Gaga Phenomenon - part 2

2010-12-14T21:23:00.003+01:00

If you haven't seen it yet, you might want to check out part one of Lyrics Dissected (published yesterday).
Today we'll take a look at the rest of the epically epic song, "Telephone" by Lady Gaga. Buckle up, get in the right mindset and go!

"Telephone" by Lady Gaga

* part two *

Can call all you want,
but there's no one home,
and you're not gonna reach my telephone!

"Ha-ha, you can't call me, I'm not ho-ome!" Adrielne says in a nasal voice, imitating Kindergarten-age arguments and boasting. "You're stupid, and you're stupider, and you're stupider-er!"

Out in the club,
and I'm sippin' that bub,
and you're not gonna reach my telephone!

I love how these past six verses rhyme. See the pattern? It was supposed to be A-A-B-C-C-B, I think, the classic song lyrics setup, but there wasn't anything rhyming with "want". Other than "don't", "jaunt", "aunt", "screen font", "Vermont", "débutante"... Or, she couldn't find a good enough one to go with "home".

Call when you want,
but there's no one home,
and you're not gonna reach my telephone!
Out in the club,
and I'm sippin' that bub,
and you're not gonna reach my telephone!

Yep, it repeats. That's normal in songs. Let's get over the fact that we repeated the Kindergartener fragment and move on.

Beyonce:

Boy, the way you blowin' up my phone
won't make me leave no faster.
Put my coat on faster,
leave my girls no faster.

You have to say, that's some pretty epic rhymes there. And the rhythm. gotta love it. But seriously? This is probably the best part of the song so far.

I shoulda left my phone at home,
'cause this is a disaster!
Callin' like a collector -
sorry, I cannot answer!

My praise was short-lived and it now ran out. Seriously, take a look at this rhymes - "disaster", "collector" and "answer" ARE supposed to rhyme. Read those words normally. Do they? Nope, sorry. Read them in the way Beyonce sings them (ignore how bad you are at impersonating Beyonce).

Not that I don't like you,
I'm just at a party.
And I am sick and tired
of my phone r-ringing.

There's a reason why they invented the "turn phone off" button. You might want to use it when you don't want the phone to ring . Either that or mute it, but that's more difficult technically... Might be beyond you. Sorry, am I taking it a bit too far?

Sometimes I feel like
I live in Grand Central Station.

The fact that a person is trying to talk to you makes you feel as if your permanent place of residence was a train station. Interesting. I'm sure there's a specialist out there somewhere who can help you.

Tonight I'm not takin' no calls,
'cause I'll be dancin'.

'Cause I'll be dancin'
'Cause I'll be dancin'
Tonight I'm not takin' no calls, 'cause I'll be dancin'!

Yeah, yeah, we know.

Stop callin', stop callin',
I don't wanna think anymore!
I left my hand and my heart on the dance floor.
Stop callin', stop callin',
I don't wanna talk anymore!
I left my hand and my heart on the dance floor.

Stop callin', stop callin',
I don't wanna think anymore!
I left my hand and my heart on the dance floor.
Stop callin', stop callin',
I don't wanna talk anymore!
I left my hand and my heart on the dance floor.

I recognize this fragment. It must have been in part one of our analysis... Yep, it was. But apparently, Lady Gaga believes we have short-term memory loss and while that is true, there's no need to advertise it like that!

Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh…
Stop telephonin' me!
Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh…
I'm busy!
Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh…
Stop telephonin' me!
Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh…

Been there, done that, but I tried saying the "Eh eh eh" line again - and once again decided I sound like a retarded chipmunk when I do so.

Can call all you want,
but there's no one home,
you're not gonna reach my telephone!
'Cause I'm out in the club,
and I'm sippin' that bub,
and you're not gonna reach my telephone!

Call when you want,
but there's no one home,
and you're not gonna reach my telephone!
'Cause I'm out in the club,
and I'm sippin' that bub,
and you're not gonna reach my telephone!

Oh no! I have double vision! I knew there was something off about the salad dressing at dinner...

My telephone!
M-m-my telephone!
'Cause I'm out in the club,
and I'm sippin' that bub,
and you're not gonna reach my telephone!

My telephone!
M-m-my telephone!
'Cause I'm out in the club,
and I'm sippin' that bub,
and you're not gonna reach my telephone!

Yep, it was definitely the dressing. I told them that I thought there was something floating on the surface of the olive oil... But no, they said it was just shimmering in the dimmed light...

We're sorry… the number you have reached is not in service at this time.
Please check the number, or try your call again

No thanks. I'll pass on that one. But if any of you would like to, 1-800-GAGA is the number you should try...

Last Google search: Earth axis rotation
Now playing: "Telephone" by Lady Gaga

Lyrics Dissected #1 - The Gaga Phenomenon

2010-12-13T21:43:00.001+01:00

What is it about the singer that makes the twenty-four-year-old Italian American New Yorker so popular? Why is her Wikipedia page longer than that of many historical figures, with over 130 references and translations into over seventy languages?

First, let's see what "normal" singers are popular for: And that is usually their voice - but I doubt that we can talk about voice quality. Gaga doesn't have surprising range or technique and she doesn't sing any songs with meanings deeper than I-won't-say-what (of course, I mean the lake) for us to hear her interpret something in a way that touches us personally. Then there's music quality - hold the tomatoes that you're about to throw at me, but Gaga's songs aren't what I'd call virtuoso level. They have very simple tunes and equally simple rhythm.

So what is it in her songs that makes them reach the tops of all rankings and why do her CDs sell at an alarmingly fast rate?

Let's take a set of her song lyrics and dissect them.

"Telephone" by Lady Gaga

* part one *

Hello, hello, baby;
You called, I can't hear a thing.
I have got no service
in the club, you see, see…

What are we singing about here? Someone having connection issues in the club. But first off, who tries to talk on the phone in the club without leaving the dance floor and secondly, in the music video, she's in jail (not to mention being inappropriately dressed, but that's a problem in most MTV video clips).

Wha-Wha-What did you say?
Oh, you're breaking up on me…
Sorry, I cannot hear you,
I'm kinda busy.

Instead of hanging up, we decide to talk to the poor person, despite having no connection and having already determined that we CANNOT HEAR the other person. Is it just me, or are we being a bit stupid here?

K-kinda busy
K-kinda busy
Sorry, I cannot hear you, I'm kinda busy.

Hun, you just said that. You're repeating yourself. I'm sure there's a way to work on the stuttering, but you need to make more of an effort to think. Because if you don't want to talk to the guy, hang up on him and go have fun in the club (or jail, whatever) and don't waste more of his money.

Just a second,
it's my favorite song they're gonna play
And I cannot text you with
a drink in my hand, eh…

You can talk on the phone.. But you can't take it away from your ear for a minute to send a text. And you're going to continue attempting to talk to the guy despite not being able to hear him in the noisy club (-slash-jail). Aren't we the foamiest beer in the six pack...

You shoulda made some plans with me,
you knew that I was free.
And now you won't stop calling me;
I'm kinda busy.

And by "kinda busy", you mean that you found a new guy and this previous one should stop bothering you, or that you're just being bitchy and playing some game? Either way, if you don't want to talk to him, you just hang up and say that you lost connection when he calls back and you do pick up. But then you wouldn't have made the nine-minute music video of nothing in particular.

Stop callin', stop callin',
I don't wanna think anymore!

Oh, so you admit to thinking at any point between the beginning of this song and now? I thought I'd have noticed such unusual behavior...

I left my hand and my heart on the dance floor.
Stop callin', stop callin',
I don't wanna talk anymore!
I left my hand and my heart on the dance floor.

Someone could step on it was the first thing that came to mind, before realizing that indeed, there was a metaphor in this song! And it makes some sense, but only if you mean that you went to the club to get a one-night-stand. Which was probably the case since she's only "kinda busy" now.

I dare you to try reading that in a casual speaking voice as if those "eh"-s were actual words that needed intonation and regular sentence speaking style. I gave up by the second set of "eh"-s, deciding I sound like an idiot and that we could skip over to the next verse.

... part two coming up soon ...

Last Google search: speech pathology repeating syllables disease name

Now playing: "Telephone" by Lady Gaga (music video)

Desiderata.

2010-12-12T23:09:00.000+01:00

I know that this is already EVERYWHERE across the Internet, but it's been hanging on the wall above my desk for the past two months and I found it to be a huge help in stressful moments. I hope it makes your day better, too!

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

A bit of history behind this:
- The word "Desiderata" comes from Latin desideratum, meaning 'desired thing'.
- It was written in 1927 by Max Ehrmann from Terre Haute, Indiana (dating it back to the 17th century was misinterpretation).
- It was originally written to be used as Christmas wishes.
- In 1959, the poem had been made a part of a prayer book of sorts, which had been created by the rector of St. Paul's Church.
- The poem has been used many times as song lyrics and meditation materials, everyone assuming that the author was untraceable. When the true writer was found, his family recieved compensation.
- There is a bronze statue of the author on a park bench in his hometown.

Last Google search: Terre Haute, Indiana map
Now playing: "Driving Home for Christmas" by Chris Rea. Can't tell you how nostalgic I get listening to that song...

One Thing at a Time.

2010-12-11T20:55:00.000+01:00

How do you change things, I thought to myself (I've lately had an overabundance of time for that due to the introduction of Alcatraz living style into my day-to-day life). Do you just start doing everything differently all of a sudden? Do you make a plan or some type of work schedule? Do you try your hardest and hope for the best?

It took me a while to come up with the answer, even if it does seem painfully obvious now. Go one thing at a time.

When you're on a ship and it starts sinking (cue: Titanic theme, "My Heart Will Go On") - that being an overdone, Adrielne-style metaphor for whatever you want to change, whether it's your diet, study habits or entire life - you don't push people into those life boats all at once, it would make them fall overboard.

What DO you do, then?

Well, the ship has to have evacuation plans beforehand. And people have to at least sort-of know them. They have to find them in an orderly fashion (if possible - if not, in the least dangerous way you can get them to behave). It's also nice if they have life jackets, an extra bonus if one of the lifeboats happens to have a leak.

What that Homer-style metaphor is trying to convey, is that making any sort of changes in your life requires you to do a few things. And after thinking about it for a while, I decided that I can sum it up in only a few key points.

You must be sure of what you want to do.
I think it's better to wait with changing anything until you're certain that what you're doing will be for the best. While there are decisions that must be made instantly, most can take a few days' (or even months') wait, letting you think them through as many times as you need to.

You need to have a plan, or at least an idea of where to start.
It's easy to say "yep, I want to change", but it's more difficult to do so. Making a plan and getting yourself to stick to it would be the perfect idea, and a good method to deal with things like school or work, where you know what is expected of you and all you need to do is put your time into making it work. But with more complex, "real life" problems, you may find yourself in a situation, when you only are sure of the first step you need to take and the rest is impossible to foresee. In those, however difficult working without a plan is, you just sometimes have to take the plunge and make the decision, seeing where it goes from there.

You need to keep cool.
The plan you prepared so carefully proved to be worthless. You have no idea what to do now and how to fix the many mistakes you could have made along the way. This is where all forces in the Universe seem to want you to turn back and decide "Nah, I'll just keep ", but you have to keep trudging along.

Three steps, seems easy. But really? It's not. Don't let that thought discourage you though - if the changes are worth it, you need to make them now. Believe me when I say that it'll only get more difficult later on.

Last Google search: how to make mead
Now playing: "I'm Your Man" by Leonard Cohen.

Some Bad News.

2010-12-10T10:36:00.000+01:00

The situation is bad, men. We're losing our influences over the Using The Computer province, the Free Time islands and the You Can't Tell Me What To Do canal. We've lost too many men over there to keep fighting and had to retreat to Camp Whatever. We even lost I Know Better Anyways pass!

But don't despair, don't despair, the battle was well-fought and many of us - even if they're not here with us to tell the tale now - have earned themselves many discussion points and died an honorable battlefield death.

- Your grades are very low, don't you think?
- No, actually, I think they're pretty good, considering how much stuff I have to keep up with...
- Well, I disagree. I think you spend too much time in front of the computer.
- Looking up facts for my matura presentation and making notes for school. Not to mention helping others with Polish and asking about Math.
- No, you spend too much time on websites not related to school. That facebook, for example...
- ...helps me ask friends to explain Math. And lets me keep in touch with friends, AFTER I finish my homework.
- No! Look at your grades - horrendous! Horrible! Horrifyingly low! You expect to get into ANY college with these?
- It's the maturas that count, not the-
- And you're not doing a THING to prepare for those!
- I am, I'm-
- What's this supposed to be, you're not studying at all, you can't study and get low marks on tests..
- Yes, you can, when you're worrying about the score you'll get because SOMEONE will tell you you're bad at studying and aren't good enough for college!
- You're probably the worst in your class. This is outrageous.
- I'm not, I'm actually second to best. Most people keep failing tests, I get C's.
- I DON'T CARE what grades other people have!
- Well, you just said-
- Stop telling me what I said and didn't say! It's your grades that matter, not someone else's, they could fail the year for all I care!
- Well, maybe you should care a bit more.
- You don't have Internet. Until January. And no going out, anywhere. And go study.

As you can see, the battle was great and the results were... Well, not that great. The Enemy actually rolled up our ADSL cable, the main PSL (procrastination supply lane), and hid it somewhere. We have sent out spies, but so far they bring no news of having located the lost item.

We need a strategy now. If we improve our performance in the School field as our Enemy would like us to, it will seem that they were indeed victorious, but it's also the only way to get the supply lane back. And it would be an advantage to us personally, leaving us less to learn in the new year.

I say we do as the Enemy says, but without them finding out. It will appear as if our habits didn't change at all - we will find alternate supply lanes, like the Bookcase or the Drawing Board. Or the Plot Twists Notebook to make it appear as if we were still getting steady amounts of procrastination in our schedule. But the Conflict Issue will stop being as much of a conflict.

Also, we will do all in our power to make the Enemy see that we're not at any disadvantage as compared to other people. Our GPA is better than the Enemy thinks (their intelligence said 3.2, whereas our information clearly points towards a 4,04). Our logical thinking skills, if combined with some basic knowledge, should yield immediate results.

So men, we will win this war! And our spies will continue posting blog entries, despite the lack of our official presence in Online Country.

*shouts form the crowd of brain cell soldiers at the general's speech*

Last Google search: motivation
Now playing: "Liberian Girl" by Michael Jackson
Offline days left: 20.

The Thin Line Between... #3: Intelligence and Laziness.

2010-12-09T20:33:00.000+01:00

This is going to be partly a rant and I apologize in advance to all those, who've had enough of me complaining about school. But today, we got a list of our grades so far. And let me tell you, it's looking worse than I thought it was!

Since September, I've been trying to get myself to study regularly, even if not too much. To get that one or two hours a day of poring over books into my schedule. But my "oh, I'll just wing it, it'll be easy" side would take over fifteen minutes into the study session and I'd go read a book. Or a rabid blot bunny would unexpectedly attack me, tearing at my brain until I'd finally give in and agree to write the story.

Basically, whenever I sat down to study, a million things started happening to drive me away from it. And I was just too not-stubborn to stay at my desk and keep reading the book I had due the next day.

I assumed I was good enough at logical thinking and creative reasoning skills to pass most tests with a decent grade. And I did, and first it worked great - I used the knowledge I retained in class or the things I remembered from earlier, getting pretty good grades on all my tests. But as time went by, I did more of the passing than the decent grades. Each time I told myself that I'd study more next time if only I got a good grade in this one (bribing fate? Definitely!), but never sticking to that resolution.

At first, I could have said that I was just getting good grades. I was intelligent enough to do that. To figure out what the biggest sea port of Poland is. I live in the country, it's really not that difficult. But now that we need to actually KNOW things, it gets harder.

And that's when we leave Intelligence and cross the thin line onto the vast and empty grounds of Laziness. You can tell almost immediately that you're in another country - the sidewalk ended abruptly at the border, giving way to a footpath in tall grass. But you don't notice this until you're about two miles down and it's really hard to get back...

But you know you have to.

And only then do you see when you crossed the line to Laziness. You get flashbacks of yourself at different moments over the past x months and the only thought in your head seems to be "God, it was so stupid". Or "I have so much work to make up now...".

But you plow through the grass, snow, rubble, dust, volcanic ash or whatever else Lazy Land throws your way. Either that or you turn back, making it even more difficult to make a comeback once you really DO commit to it.

So pardon me while I find a machete and chop my way through the jungle of Laziness towards the top of my private Mount Everest of school...

Last Google search: study schedule
Now playing: "American Honey" by Lady Antebellum.

The Thin Line Between... #2: Blogs

2010-12-08T21:13:00.001+01:00

Good blogs: interesting, fun, with differentiated entries similar in style and form, more text than posted images.

Bad blogs: overly long titles and no significant content.

This will be an example of the latter.

Enjoy.

The Thin Line Between... #1: Photo Galleries

2010-12-07T22:33:00.000+01:00

I was challenged by an offsite friend to talk about something that bothers me in art galleries people post on social networking sites... And to base it on “The Thin Line Between”, a series of essays we read recently that talk about the slight difference between things that are in good taste and ones that are not.

Do you ever look through random photo galleries on social networking sites? Yes? Then you’ll know just what I’m talking about when I say that there are some galleries that, if we took out the photo editing, would be at least questionable in nature on the site.

Because is there any difference other than pressing a few buttons in Picture Manager or GIMP between some of those pictures and (expensive) porno screen shots? I doubt it.

Or how does it work that putting a picture in black and white makes it look more appropriate for all audiences than leaving it in color, like it was taken? If the person, whose picture is being taken, isn’t wholly dressed or is in an obvious pose, is shown in black and white, it doesn’t make the scene any more appropriate, does it?

Now as to move from appropriateness to idiocy, let's take a look at the Facebook gallery of someone, who has more than one hundred pictures up. We can be 90% sure that, if this person is a girl between the age of 12 and 19, that she will have a whole series of pictures of her face, taken with the camera she was holding in her hand, most of them in the same pose.

Clicking "next photo" a gazillion times in a row only to find that the next albums is also like that, only with red curtains in the back and a different shirt on...

Annoying.

There are, of course, people who ARE able to post pictures that are good and catch our attention, but those are rare and usually end up starting photography-themed blogs few people know about and even fewer follow. It's a shame how there are so many incredibly talented photographers who don't catch our attention as much...

But before I start on a fame rant, I'll end for today. And, as always, a few questions for those of you, who'd like to leave a comment (like TheRedAngel, who gets a special mention because she's been leaving me wonderful comments on almost every post!). Do you get annoyed by series of identical pictures in people's photo galleries? What do you think about photography blogs? And do you have any theme suggestions?

Last Google search: umbrellas polka dots
Now playing: "Objection" by Shakira

New World Order!

2010-12-06T15:53:00.001+01:00

No, no, I haven't turned into a baby Hitler and I'm not planning on overthrowing existing governments and putting my own, totalitarian hierarchy based on dread, hunger and invigilation in their place.

However tempting that might have sounded.

What I was GOING to say before I started thinking how I'd look with that trademark moustache and furrowed brows, hanging in pictures in every government office and private home was that I decided to do themed weeks on my blog on occasion.

How will this work in practice?

Monday thru Friday will have entries that are based on a certain theme. Music, holidays, pet peeves, books, food... Whatever you and I choose. And yes, this will be - I hope - more of a way for you to challenge ME to write about a certain subject or to turn something into a theme. I don't want to be the one who has to write her five hundred words a day and force you to read them, no, no! I want this to be a largely interactive thing, based on your ideas and challenges and my trying to meet your requirements. Does that sound fun or what?

Give me themes you'd like to read about! We'll be starting the first themed week tomorrow.

Looking Back At 2010.

2010-12-05T19:56:00.000+01:00

As we approach the end of the year, we can't help but look back on what the twelve months were like. We'd prefer to see that we've become more considerate people, that we achieved our goals, fulfilled our dreams and met the expectations we set for ourselves since the previous New Year's Eve.

It's not that late into December yet, but I'm already looking back. What do I see when I flip through my calendar? There are a lot of darker pages. This year hasn't been kind for my family and friends - three people have left us, two from taking an unsuspected turn for the worse in their battle with serious, long-term illnesses and one in a car accident. There have been many problems, both in the family and in groups of friends, some of them more serious than we've ever seen yet. By now, it won't all go back to how it was before.

But at the same time, I see many, many good things. I've gotten to know a lot of wonderful people and I bonded more with my family and the friends I already had. I completed another year of school with better results than I thought I'd have. I got to once again visit Spain and see the north of the country, a trip I've been looking forward to for the past few years. I've found many new possibilities in my life and I think I finally determined what I want to do after finishing school. I have learned many new pieces on the piano and am starting clarinet again after a six-year break. I've set up this blog and made posting a part of my everyday schedule.

I'm glad to see that the list of positive things seems to be longer than that of the not-so-good ones (or at least I'd like to think it is). This year was much more difficult for me than the previous ones, but I think I have most problems under control or on the way to fixing.

Of course, there are always things I'd like to have done differently and there will always be a part of me that would like to turn back the clock, but I've learned to tune that voice out and be happy with what I have. It might be my optimism toying with my perception - everyone else is saying how bad this year was, especially in the light of recent events.

What are those, you ask?

Well, as you've probably already gathered, I live with my mom. She's the only one who brings in money, working in the Sales Marketing department of a large stationery brand. And on Friday, she decided to quit her job... And did so. It was too stressful and not worth the efforts. I don't want to go into details, but she was on the way down to the pit of despair and anti-depressants, so it's all for the better. Or so I hope. Because as of now, it doesn't look as if she was going to continue with her career in business as she was planning to.

We've been considering a very wide range of options, from her tutoring people in English or Russian through getting a temporary dead-end job or getting a teacher's permit type of thing to teach English in elementary schools to things as far-fetched as starting a bookstore at the main train station or the airport that would carry books in a variety of languages. But right now, we're just taking a break, finding the energy we need to do something and considering our options to pick the best one.

I know 2011 won't go by without problems or doubts, but I have a feeling it's going to be much better than this year.

Last Google search: career opportunities over 40
Now playing: "Gypsy" by Shakira. I'm having a Shakira phase lately...

Haikus and Random Other Stuff.

2010-12-04T12:44:00.001+01:00

„When you don’t have nothing nice to say, stay quiet,” the saying goes. No one likes hearing criticism, especially if the person saying it doesn’t know how to deliver their words and it can discourage people from trying to fix an issue if they’re told about it in the wrong way.

Taking my own advice, I’ll refrain from saying anything other than a short announcement: I now have a new blog! It’s another "post every day" effort, but this time it's in the form of a haiku.

Don't know what a haiku is? Don't worry, I didn't, either, until a few months ago. The shortest way of explaining it is that it's a Japanese poem style based on syllables. There are three verses in a "typical" haiku, the first and last of those five syllables long and the middle one seven syllables. It's really simple to write, especially if you don't want it to rhyme.

They usually talk about beauty or nature, but I've found them to be a great way to write practically anything I want. I could probably turn this whole post into a haiku, even giving it a unique rhythm if I had the time and mind to do it, but for many reasons I don't, so you'll have to do with an example:

This is a haiku.

Five syllables, then seven,

All in three short lines.

Yep, that was actually a poem. If you want to see more, go to www.ha-i-ku.blogspot.com and subscribe! Or, you know, don't. But then you don't get to see the pretty blog.

The fact that I started a new blog does not mean I'll discontinue this one or that this one won't get as much attention. I'm planning to stick to the blog-every-day challenge on BOTH of these now as a way of preparing for Milwordy, which - if all goes well - I'll try to do starting this September. I probably won't finish, but it'll be a nice test to see just how time- and energy-consuming it is.

Oh! I'd have fogotten! There was another announcement!

I'm thinking about starting a new sort of posting style on this blog starting January 1st. I was thinking more interactive themed weeks. One week could be all about music and you'd suggest genres or artists that I'd listen to and talk about. Another could be "Ask Adrielne", in which I'd reply to whatever you might ask. There could also be storytime week, cooking week, favorites week... It sounded like a great idea in my head, how does it look against the backdrop of my thought box?

Do you write haikus or any sort of poetry? What do you think about my idea of themed weeks? Do you have any theme suggestions?

Last Google search: longest ski slope
Now playing: "Whenever, Wherever" by Shakira

Thinking About the Future

2010-12-03T20:23:00.000+01:00

To continue with the self-created theme of life changes that started out yesterday with "Birthday Blues" and me talking about how I'm not sure I'm ready to be an adult, I'll now talk about my plans for the future. Now I won't post a bucket list of any sort here - I find it to be a bit too personal, even the points like "write and publish a book" and "get a million followers on my blog" (just kidding - but it makes my heart grow to see the number of views go past two thousand!) make me feel as if they were telling too much about myself.

So, to make a long rant shorter, I have lately been thinking about what I want to achieve this year, before my next birthday. This is in no way a bucket list, more of a plan, like a schedule. The goals are realistically set and I plan on making a more

1. Finish my novel.

Right now, I have eighty thousand words of what will most prove to be nonsense. And to make it funnier, the file is in a quarantine folder, because I found a trojan on my computer and was stupid enough to attempt deleting it. That caused the file to open, the virus to fully download, the NaNovel to be infected... I hope my antivirus wins this fight. If not, my last full backup was at 45k... And even if the text does get back to me, it will still need editing. Not to mention that I'm only around the halfway point of the plot.

2. Get into the college of my choice.

The Matura exams, which I will take in May, only have to be as good as to get me accepted to college. Or at least the university, since they allow changing colleges once a person is a student of theirs (a word of explanation: a college is focused on one subject, like Math or Philology or Business Studies. A university has many colleges).

3. Record a CD of my own music.

I've already written three songs of my own (not available anywhere yet) and I'm working on a fourth. I think a CD should have about twelve songs for it to be a nice length of about 45-50 minutes of music. I would like it a lot if that CD would then sell, whether digital copies or a regular physical one. Heck, it could even just get published on YouTube as a playlist, recorded with a handheld camera! I just want to get those songs composed, turned into files that make data transfer possible and thrown into the world for people to hear and comment on!

4. Read at least fifty books.

I know that it's not as much of a goal as last year has been, but I'm pretty sure that between the Maturas and starting university (hopefully) in fall, I won't have much reading time. I wouldn't be surprised if these fifty books were all school-related in one way or another - and that wouldn't be too bad, at least I'd finally learn something that's useful from my education's point of view!

5. Give lessons - piano and Matura subjects.

It's not only a good way to earn money, but also a great way to keep the knowledge fresh in my mind, and it's nice to be able to do a crossword without guesswork and to know all the fields without having to google them or look in the hints section, right? Of course, the real reason is the personal satisfaction. I'm only teaching piano to three kids now, but I hope to make that number at least five by the start of the next school year.

6. Learn something new.

Whether it would be modern dance, yodeling or making balloon flowers, I would like to be able to say I learned at least twelve new things, one for each month, at the end of this year of my life. They don't all have to be useful, because however much I'd like to know how to make a soufflet, it would be just as great if I could juggle three or more objects, or toss a grape (or M&M) up in the air and catch it with my mouth, tricks I've been trying to master since I was five years old.

That's just part of the list, which is over sixty points long. I've set quite a few goals for myself this year and I hope to achieve all of them. I find this method of goal-setting better than New Year's resolutions since a birthday is what marks your age and the lists we make at the beginning of the year are "bound to be failed" by the "New Year's resolutions last as long as the perishable food from the party" rule.

But tell me: what do you think about setting goals for yourself? Do you make bucket lists or schedules? How does completing them go? Do you prefer setting little goals or big ones? Leave a comment!

Last Google search: double ear piercing
Now playing: "Back It Up" by Caro Emerald.

Birthday Blues

2010-12-02T17:05:00.000+01:00

Today is my birthday. My eighteenth birthday. And before you run to congratulate me (thank you in advance to all those who as much as thought wishes in a form of mind-to-mind communication), I'd like to be a stick in the mud and tell you why I'm NOT happy to blow out the candles on the cake.

Eighteen = adult.

Well, at least that's what it's like here in Poland. Being eighteen means that I have more rights: I can get a driver's license, I can drink alcohol (legally), I can smoke, I can marry someone without getting parental consent, I can vote in elections, I can run for a Poseł of the Sejm (a deputy of the lower house of the Polish parliament? I'm not sure about this political stuff, I'm basing this off what Wikipedia says). I can probably do a lot of other things I don't even know about.

But I also have more responsibilities. There are a lot of legal ones - including the responsibility to be active in political life (by voting, for example). Of course, there are no consequences of NOT voting, other than the possibility that less than the needed number of votes will be cast and the election will have to be held once more in another time... But it's a society thing. To sum in up in two sentences: you go and vote, you're a person who cares for the country. You don't vote and ignore political life, you're an idiot. I also have to pay taxes now, from all money I earn or get that can't be deducted from my income. There's a lot more, but I'm no good with law stuff...

Those aren't my main worry, though.

It's the not being a kid anymore that's making me frown. To most of you, becoming a legal adult probably isn't that big of a deal, but to me it's finally having officially grown up and having to take full control of your life. I know my family will be here for me no matter what, more than willing to give advice before I make a decision and give me a hug if I fail (accompanied by an "I told you so", of course).

Still, my paranoia continues: I'm too young to be an adult! I don't want all these responsibilities! The world is a big and scary place that isn't meant for nice and friendly people like me! I could actually DIE if I'm not careful!

Okay, that last one was a huge exaggeration, but you get my point: it's scary.

Now that we've covered the complaining bit, on to the fun part - the gifts! I got a pair of skis and a clarinet, both of those things selected by me!

I also got a bouquet of flowers from my mom today. There wouldn't be anything strange in that (other than me being very, very happy - I love flowers of all sorts), but these flowers have a back story to them and an interpretation!

PINK ROSES - came from the town where Grandma's sisters live, where we've visited every weekend. The rose is a symbol of purity, love, elegance and luxury, but it can also defend itself if need be by thorns, concealed among the leaves that no one ever makes note of, always focusing on the flower.

WHITE FREESIA - comes from the flower shop near Grandma's house, which stands next to the playground I spent most of my afternoons as a little kid on. It's a flower commonly given to girls. It symbolizes innocence, happiness, an everyday beauty, but also comfort, laughter and being delicate.

PURPLE ORCHIDS - I don't know where these ones are from, but they symbolize luxury, knowledge, gracefulness, intellect and long age. They're the "elephants of flowers", as my mom so nicely put it.

I was really touched by how much thought had been put into the flower choice and the buying process. I also like the way the roses (elegance, defense, pride etc) are surrounded by the freesia (a lighter, more enthusiastic and light-hearted sort of beauty) and that by orchids (logic, sensibility). I might be reading too much into a handful of plants, but it seems like that is also symbolic - a hint-hint-nudge-nudge-be-like-that-it's-good type of thing this time.

What is your favorite flower? What was the best/worst gift you ever got for your birthday? Any advice for me, entering adult life? Leave a comment!

We're All Snowmen.

2010-12-01T22:41:00.000+01:00

It's now -21*C outside. That, to me, is as good as having a shotgun pointed at me with the evil villain's hand on the trigger, ready to fire, and the hero nowhere in sight.

Well, my hero is in sight. It's my cupful of hot coffee. And so what if it's past ten p.m. and a normal person - after drinking a latte this late at night - wouldn't get to sleep for another few hours? I don't mind not sleeping, I have a book to read for school tomorrow anyways.

For some odd reason, I really don't feel like writing this post. Perhaps it has something to do with my bad mood today. Or maybe with the fact that as of tomorrow, I will no longer be a child. But the blog challenge remains: I must write today, so I will, even if it means a few good hours of staring into space!

It took me over two hours to get to school today.

Okay, so maybe thirty minutes of that time were spent pressing the "snooze" button on my alarm clock and the next ten were spent trying to leave home as soon as possible... But I ran to the bus stop and got there just as the bus arrived, got to the station just in time to hop into the train and thought I'd make it on time, and with about a quarter of an hour to spare, but the train got stuck!

I really don't know what it was, but it suddenly stopped and a voice over the loudspeakers said there was a technical problem and that we'd be delayed by about 20 minutes. So I waited, trying to be patient and understanding.

But it didn't work, as the train - now with the engine (or whatever runs it) turned off because there was something wrong with the power line - was getting colder and colder, and so was I. In fifteen minutes, I was shaking. In twenty, my teeth were rattling and the pleasant voice said we'd be delayed by at least 35 minutes.

Another twenty minutes later, the train moved. We were being pulled by another engine that came to our rescue. But the heating still wasn't on. It took ten minutes to get us to the next station, where we were told to leave the train and find a new one...

And that's where the problem started.

There were two tracks leading up to that station: one of them was now blocked by the broken train (or rather: the broken power line thing) and the other was covered with over a foot of snow. So we had to wait for someone to take the snow off the tracks so trains could pass... And that took a while.

All that time, we're freezing our toes off waiting on the platform. The platform that is outdoors.

Finally, when the next train DID arrive, not all of the people waiting fit inside, since there were crowds upon crowds of commuters, trying to get to the center of the city and to their offices and schools and colleges and whatnot. I did all I could to squeeze myself inside as far as just past the door, but it was impossible.

So I spent another fifteen minutes turning into an icicle. Or a snowman, since it began to snow heavily in the time I was waiting. And of course, I hadn't thought to bring an umbrella.

When I finally got on the train, I was cursing the company that makes the trains, tracks and power lines (they should be able to withstand the weather!), the company that gets the snow off the tracks (they should work faster!) and the crowds that want to get to downtown (they should find different methods of commuting!). The only thing I was happy about? The fact that I managed to steal a thermal mug full of coffee from my friend that morning.

Last Google search: temperature Warsaw
Now playing: "Party in the USA", the Glee! version.

NaNo - Day Thirty!!!

2010-11-30T21:45:00.001+01:00

NaNo day 30...

Word count: somewhere past 20k today, 82 305 overall

NaNo wisdom: Go. Write. Go. Write. Go. Write.

Little. Time. Left. Go. Write. Go. Write. NOW.

Comments: I feel like a writing machine today. I don't

think I've EVER written this much in one day...

When I got to school, I found out that we don't have classes. That few teachers managed to get to school (and even fewer students, if possible - out of nineteen in my class, only three were present). It would be pointless for teachers to conduct normal classes, so we were sent to the computer lab to work on our Matura presentations.

Now I'll have you know that I haven't done a thing towards my own presentation - and this will become fifty percent of my grade for the Literature final I'll be taking in May 2011, and that in turn will decide what college and uni I'll get into. So it's important as heck that I do well on it.

But at the moment, it was more important to do well on NaNo and, despite having crossed the official finish line of fifty thousand words a few days ago, I still have yet to meet my goal of eighty thousand words.

So while I sat in the computer lab for six hours (and the Internet was blocked for some odd reason), I decided to open up a word document. I was originally hoping to get some work done on the essay that I have due tomorrow, but suddenly, a plot idea popped into my head and I wrote it down. And I decided to expand on it.

Six hours later, as I went to Math class (it would still be held, even if only one person showed up - and if no one came, the teacher would probably just email a list of problems to each of us to do before the next lesson, she's that into the subject), I was the proud owner of a word processing file with nearly fifteen thousand words.

My friends decided we should go and finally see the new Potter movie together (I've already seen it twice, but I wouldn't have anything against seeing it a third time). But my mp3 with the new chunk of my NaNovel weighed heavy in my pocket and I talked my way out of going along and went home two write instead.

See picture for the comment that I would say here. It's Bohemian.

I got home and wrote nearly the rest of the needed word count to reach my personal goal for this noveling event. And I say nearly because all in all, I now have 79145 words and I'm planning on hitting 80k before the night ends!

You don't believe that anyone could write 20k in the span of one day? Well, get this! It's my latest (well, as of 79145 words, when I started writing this post) chart!

And if you still don't believe it, look at the screenshot of my yWriter window! I had to cut the picture a bit for it to fit better, but the numbers next to chapter titles speak for themselves...

So I'm super-super-proud of myself for reaching my goal! The lack of excitement in the previous half of this post comes from the fact that while the pictures were uploading, I was still writing, getting to the over-83k word count I have now. I wasn't sure if I would get past 80k and I didn't want to rush the party...

But I'm done! And I'm not planning to look at the story I created for a while now - at least for a month. I'll go back and edit (and finish the plot) in January. For now, I'll give myself a big pat on the back and a chocolate milkshake. I earned it.

Last Google search: chocolate milkshake recipe

Now playing: "Marching On" by OneRepublic

Word of the day (last one!): LILLIPUTIAN \ lil-i-PYOO-shuhn \ , adjective - 1. extremely small; tiny; diminutive; 2. trivial

For Lack of a Better Idea...

2010-11-29T22:37:00.000+01:00

...I've decided to analyze "Twilight". You see, the craze that took over most of the female population of my school last year has returned in the form of accessories and quoting the movies and books at random points in time. I don't get it, to tell you the truth - it's not like the books are actually any good as compared to some other book series (and I'm not talking about just Harry Potter here, I'm talking about practically any series for young adults).

I picked the book up off my shelf (yes, I have a copy of the first and second books, from when I hoped it would turn out to be better than it seemed to be) and started reading it again. Soon enough, an IKEA pencil was in my hand and the margins were covered with notes.

Yep, I actually took the time to make notes on the margins. Aren't I a hardworking individual? ...No, not really, I'm just considering doing a Polish vlog of me reading and commenting on the book, much like the awesome videos Alex Day has done on his YouTube channe l.

Plus, I think it could actually be quite fun to finally have a book I can freely criticize without any consequence of "but that's a great literary work of art, you can't just go and trash it because it doesn't suit your sense of what an interesting book is and what isn't! You can't be one to judge!" that I get in Literature class lately.

And call this stepping down to their level, but I think that this will be a nice exercise for formuating my opinions in a way that can be easily understood by everyone, including some of the more hardcore Twilight fans. Now I really don't want to insult them in any way, but it's the truth. If you have a room fully decked out in ANY series or movie, you're not an entirely normal person. If your sense of style and your actions are determined by what a book character would or would not do, you're nto an entirely normal person. And you probably should contact a specialist soon.

But I digress.

What I really wanted to ask you is how interested would you be in seeing entries about my thoughts on Twilight - or any other fictional work, for that matter. I was considering opening up a "Brain Meets Plot" section of this blog for taking apart really badly written stories that people post across the vastness of the Internet, since I've been seeing more and more absurdity lately... Good idea or bad idea? Leave a comment!

Another thing I wanted to touch on today - is it just me or does nail polish considerably boost self esteem and make you feel more confident? No, readers, you don't have to answer that question if it would make you feel uncomfortable, I'll just tell you that yes, it does.

But it gets weird when someone spills ketchup on your hands in the bus and you can't get it off because it's gooey and sort of sticky (whatever you just thought, stop) and then once you get it off most of the polish comes off the nail (it was cheap!) and you look like a person who leaves makeup on forever until it crusts and falls off... Not nice.

But as not to leave you with that sad image of me, I'll say that after two and a half hours of getting home on the bus (it snowed about 50cm here and the roads were barely passable, even the main streets were covered in snow) when it normally takes about an hour maximum, a nice cup of tea with a warming addition (almost anything works, from raspberry juice, lemon, ginger or honey to whiskey or even vodka if you have nothing else on hand) does wonders to get you back to a healthy normal temperature!

And yet another question (God, am I going crazy with those today - I'll get a gazillion comments that I'll have to reply to! Right?) - do you guys actually listen to the music I link to in the three little lines below this? Or do you just completely ignore it? Because I really do listen to that song while writing. Sometimes, it makes me add things like "wow, is that piece of lyrics stupid" fragment that I later delete and then I think about doing a whole blog about mindless lyrics, but I never feel like it later... Yep, too lazy.

Last Google search: short prom dress
Now playing: "Cooler Than Me" by Mike Posner
Word of the day: IMPETRATE \ IM - pi - treyt \ verb - to entreat, ask for.

Dear Santa!

2010-11-28T21:45:00.000+01:00

~~Dear Obese Trespassing Altruist,~~

This year, I have been a very materialistic little Facebook addict. I have compulsively lazed around, but at least I've helped my mommy with her taxes. And I always say thank you, which makes me seem like I care, and so I deserve lots of blank checks this year!

Please bring all this stuff for me and the people in my life: For my mommy, please bring perfume. For my daddy, please bring a new dead-end job and send a serial killer or a stray bullet his way, if you don't have some free brains around. For my little cousins, please bring a soccer ball so they finally mans up and grow out of Barbie dolls. For my friend's hamster, please bring a homeopathic heartworm remedy. Oh, and for my case worker, please bring some work ethic.

Now about me! Please bring me all of the wizard rock CDs, and front row tickets to Britney Spears, plus backstage passes so I can get airborne Chlamydia! Oh, and please don't forget to bring my Ferrari F430 Spider. But if you can't, just remember that more than anything Santa, what I really really want is just a hug! Oh, and $100,000,000, of course, but that goes without saying, right?

Anyway, I hope you like the cognac I left out for you.

Breathlessly,

Adrielne

PS: Please say Merry Christmas to Mrs. Claus.

PPS: Oh yeah, and remember Crouton? He has been a really selfish dork all year long and doesn't deserve any Christmas presents. So please don�t forget to put ebola in their stocking. Thanks!

~~PPPS~~

I have quite a few things to say to you. Number one, that red waistcoat is getting a bit tight on you if you're the one I saw at the supermarket today. You should consider getting a new one tailored - and make sure it has all the buttons, no one wants to see that t-shirt with dirty words written on it that you wear underneath. Think of the innocent children's minds when you dress like that!

Hm. That rough draft got a bit out of hand... So let's try that again! This time, we'll stay serious, to the point, realistic and generally kind. Santa is an elderly man, we can't keep making him angry at us, he could get a heart attack and not be able to bring our gifts! Or, you know, die, which would be almost as tragic as emptiness under the tree (or in a stocking, depending on what traditions you go by - but that one just sounds a bit wrong).

Dear Santa!

This year I've been very good (just ask That Guy, I can give you his number, he'll agree). And I always say please and thank you and I give up my seat on the bus if an elderly person comes in. So I deserve some presents, don't I? You know, to keep the motivation running strong and all that...

So, to the point!

I would like:

- a b-flat clarinet, complete with a case and a box of at least fifty reeds;

- a black acoustic guitar, already tuned and with a "learn to play" book;

- a pair of ski poles, because mom forgot to buy them for me for my birthday;

- two or three wizard rock CDs (you know which ones I like, I'm sure);

- silk sheets, they're the epitome of luxury and I want to feel rich sometimes;

- two-way tickets to Orlando, Florida for three people;

- ...and a three-night hotel stay in the four-star hotel of your choice;

- a desk lamp, mine is broken;

- some stickers, since I ran out last week;

- a jar of motivation (can be in the form of Nutella);

- expensive makeup that I'd never bother to buy since it costs too much;

- the perfect prom dress (like this one or that one or this one, but without the shoes);

- a travel mug that doesn't spill in my bag;

- money, money, money;

- a pony.

I don't think I'm being too unreasonable there. Actually, I believe my list doesn't go too far beyond what most people ask. And I don't have to get it all for Christmas - some of the stuff can be for No-L day (December 25th) or National Candy Cane Day, National Whiner Day, National Thank-You Note Day (all December 26th), Holy Innocents Day (December 28th), National Chocolate Days (28th and 29th)...

Or we can just go by the song and get me a gift every day for 12 days. But that would need combining gifts and making multiple trips, which would cause confusion, so why not just bring them all over on Christmas Eve?

Your loveliest letter-writer,

Adrielne.

Last Google search: december holidays
Now playing: "Mercy" by Duffy, sung by Patrycja Malinowska in Poland's Got Talent
Word of the day: NAMASTE \ NUHM-uh-stey \ , noun - 1. a conventional Hindu expression on meeting or parting, used by the speaker usually while holding the palms together vertically in front of the bosom.

Milwordy...? Hmm...

2010-11-27T21:24:00.001+01:00

Today, as I was waking up from peaceful slumber at around noon, a completely insane thought came to my mind. What if I tried Milwordy?

Milwordy - a challenge in which the goal is to write a million words over the course of a year. Your year starts whenever you decide to start it and you can write any number of words per day... As long as the cumulative count reaches or passes one million!

Also, you're the one who decides what counts towards the million. It can be all writing, including emails at work, blog posts, shopping lists and notes to self or it can only be narrowed down to novels or poetry. Either way, it's still difficult, but of course narrowing down to just fiction makes the success even greater...

Wouldn't it be awesome if I DID manage to write a million words in a year? The sense of achievement that goes along with that can't be comparable even to NaNo - that's a commitment of 1667 words a day for a month, this would be much more and for a longer period of time.

Also, I'd finally succeed in getting all those stories that sit in my head out on paper - and there are quite a lot of those, only I never have the time to write them. I'd probably also find many random scenes and conversation snippets that fit nowhere, but might come in handt later in my writing, when I'll be missing a character or at a loss for what plot to pursue.

A definite plus is that this event wouldn't be kept just to one novel - the thing that is probably my greatest problem when NaNoing. I'm one of those writers who starts a number of projects and continues writing all of them at once, jumping from story to story and from beginning to middle to end, writing what comes to mind instead of going in chronological order. Or any order, for that matter.

But one of the best things would be how much my writing would be bound to improve. It would be a huge effort, writing all those words, but at the same time it would help me work on the way I describe characters, plots and locations, it would get me to look for new words, as not to spin around in the basic 5000 word circle of doom I've found myself in, and it would make my writing flow more smoothly.

But before I jump into this project like I want to, let's look at the "reality balance" of this. A million words in one year. That's 2740 words per day (well, 2735 if it's on a leap year) - not so bad, especially if I put blogging and noveling together...

And how long are my blogs, on average? I believe they all reach 300 words and some go as far as to over a thousand, but most are around five hundred. If I tried, I could make them longer and go to about eight hundred words each.

I've recently reactivated my blog in Polish ("Kierkowa szuflada", for those who are interested) and the entries there - even if I only write them twice a week for now - are well over a thousand words. If I committed to Milwordy (and if I make it through one year of blogging every day on here), I could try blogging there every day while keeping up the "here" as well. That would give me an extra thousand words to add.

Assuming I can write more than one story at once, I'd probably start Milwordy with the NaNovel that I'm working on now (and I'd continue that on into a sequel, which I've already got pretty much planned out). I would also work on my fantasy novel that I started last NaNo (that could also have a sequel, or even a threequel). Then there's also the ideas I have for a crime drama story in Polish...

Let's not forget NaNoWriMo while we're listing these. If I was doing Milwordy, I'd probably go for 100k on NaNo, just to give me that extra word boost. I'd probably go for one original novel (different than the ones mentioned above, probably absurd humor, maybe about a character doing NaNo and falling into his own plot...) and one fan fic. Ka-ching, the word counter goes up.

And since I mentioned fan fiction... It's not that difficult to write a fic. I have two or three novel-lengths started over on HPFF that I could continue. I could write a few more one-shots or short stories. I could take part in challenges and get plots that I'd only have to build on. If I was lucky, a third of my million could be from that.

But since I have a calculator at hand, let's go about this counting professionally:

1 000 000 / 365 = 2739.726

Rounding up: 2740 words - daily word count

700 words .......... this blog
1000 words .......... Polish blog
300 words .......... sci fi story
200 words .......... fantasy story
140 words .......... other stories
+ 400 words .......... fan fiction
----------------------------------
2740 WORDS TOTAL A DAY - goal achieved!

Just to prove a point, this blog entry is already about nine hundred words long. And suddenly, this goal isn't looking half as unrealistic as it did when I first thought of it... And it doesn't sound half as insane... So maybe...

But before you put me in one of those safety jackets they use in mental hospitals, I should say that it never crossed my mind to try doing Milwordy during the school year, especially now. I need to focus on my final exams, I have to get into a good university, I have to get an education to have some job possibilities if professional writing doesn't work out as well as I'd like it to.

Therefore if I was to do Milwordy (which I will, one day), I would probably start on September first 2011 and end at the end of August of 2012. That will give me a month off at the beginning to get a good start on writing (in Poland, the school term for universities begins in October) and a whole summer at the end if I need more time to catch up. If I play my cards right, it will only take an extra hour or two of my day... And that's not so bad - I'll just spend less time procrastinating.

I'll still give this some thought and I hope for some opinions from you guys. Have you ever tried Milwordy? How did it go? What was easiest and what was most difficult (or what would appear to be so, if you haven't taken part)?

Last Google search: procrastination rehab
Now playing: "Loca" by Shakira, my new favorite song!
Word of the day: OLIO \ OH-lee-oh \ , noun - 1. a mixture of heterogeneous elements; hodgepodge, 2. a dish of many ingredients, 3. a medley or potpourri, as of musical or literary selections; miscellany.

Long Distances.

2010-11-26T11:45:00.000+01:00

One of my best friends is in a long-distance relationship. She is now studying in Sweden and her boyfriend is now in the States on a foreign exchange, but he normally lives in Poland. Their relationship never started out conventionally - they met only once before she left, but they kept in touch throughout the time they spent apart and finally ended up in a close relationship, despite being so far away and only having met once.

I was talking to her on Skype yesterday and - because my own relationship is now temporarly a long-distance one too - asked her how they managed to stay together without much problems for the past two years and how they can be so full of trust for each other.

She said it was simple: she knew him so well that she knew he'd never cheat on her.

"Still," I said. "Isn't it difficult, being so far away, not getting to see each other normally? You can hardly call him and ask him to come over because you want to watch a movie with him!"

And she said they weren't far away at all. That they were actually much closer than most couples. Ten minutes away.

Ten minutes is how long it takes to send him a text, turn her laptop on and open Skype.

I realized that she was right. Their relationship was working much better than many of the ones we see where people don't have time for each other during the week. They spend whole afternoons together, talking late into the night.

He takes her out on romantic dinners, going to a restaurant with his laptop and setting it oppsite him at the table, where she would normally be seated, and makes a reservation for her in a restaurant in the town where she lives.

They watch movies together, through a webcam. And because of their "spiritual connection", as my friend calls it, they can practically feel each others' virtual hugs.

They're admirably awesome.

Last Google search: penguin in africa
Now on the radio: shush, library, remember?
Word of the day: BONANZA \ buh - NAN - zuh \ , noun - 1. a source of great and sudden wealth or luck, 2. a rich mass of ore, as found in mining.

Of Pirates, Candles and Cakes.

2010-11-25T21:31:00.003+01:00

In Poland, eighteen is the legal age for pretty much everything: drinking, driving, gambling, voting in elections... You get an ID and with it, the right to do all of the above things (and probably more, but I can't be bothered to look it up). So it's a big deal, the eighteenth birthday is. That's why I'm having a party.

"Oh great," you're thinking. "She needs as great an excuse as a highly important birthday to have a party..."

Nothing less true!

The last party I had was on Be A Vegetarian Day. My friends and I went to a fast food restaurant that makes sandwiches and ordered one each, with no meat. Well, that was the start of the night... And no, that holiday isn't a big event where I live and none of us are vegetarian, vegan or in any other way non-omnivorous.

Oh, wait, I lied. The last party was on Hug A Redhead Day because the "temporary" dye I put on my hair in July is still showing. So, as you can see, there's lots of reasons to party on any given day and if all else fails, the "but it's SOMEBODY'S birthday!" excuse works just as well.

What I'm saying is that this is a SPECIAL birthday. It requires a SPECIAL celebration, not just the regular going out and spending time with friends stuff.

That's why I'm now busily making food in the kitchen for tomorrow evening. Not only do I have to bake a cake, but I must also make at least five batches of (different!) cookies (that's biscuits to you British people, isn't it? Be patient, I'm learning), four salads, cheesecake, apple pie... And probably some more stuff that I'm forgetting, but that I'll most likely remember just when I'll think I'm all done.

But that just didn't seem special enough, so I made it a themed party.

Now if you consider that I'm turning eighteen, which is legal age for almost everything, and that I'm making the coolest theme party anyone's ever had, what would you think? *meaningful wink*

If you thought "Pirates!", you're right!

Now there are two ways of going about preparing and dressing up for a pirate-themed party for teenage and "grown-up" kids.

One way is to buy a lot of "rum" and find revealing clothes, like a short black skirt paired with thigh-high boots, a white shirt with wide sleeves and a plunging neckline, some pendant (maybe a shark tooth?) to accent it. And don't forget lots of make-up on your face.Because it's totally not cool to just look natural, you have to be covered all over in all sorts of chemical-based stuff that will cause wrinkles (and therefore create the need to buy anti-wrinkle cream and run the economy... Isn't that great?).

That's the average way.

And the awesome way? You look like a REAL pirate. Because seriously, isn't it a bit unpractical to wear high heels and a miniskirt on a pirate ship?

(if you're in the group that answered "no", I can see where you're coming from. Now please take your minds out, wash them with warm water and soap and replace them in your heads. Better?)

A REAL pirate would look more like the picture on the right and that, ladies and gentlemen, is the look the eleven of us are going for. But it's proving to be quite difficult, as none of us have clothes and accessories that even begin to resemble the awesomeness that hides behind the name of captain Jack Sparrow.

My current costume consists of long black pants, a white tunic with wide sleeves, a black belt to put around my waist, a strand of hair covered in beads (well, that will only come tomorrow, I have no intention of recreating the pirate look for school tomorrow) and an assortment of ill-fitted jewelry that I hope looks at least one bit pirate-ish.

Unfortunately, I do not possess a sabre, sword, machete (by the way, have you seen that movie with Jessica Alba with that title? Is it any good or is it just worth watching for her being there?), cutlass or any other sort of weapon suitable for a pirate. I don't own a handgun, either. Or even a broken compass. I feel utterly unprepared for my own party, but I'm also a bit proud of my wardrobe for putting up such a brave fight. I didn't know she had it in her, to not let me get dressed as I should for so long... And I've spent the past hour searching for appropriate clothes!

Anyways, I got to get back to salad-making and costume-picking. Arr to you all!

Oh, a word of wisdom before I leave: it is NOT a good idea to type "pirate costume women" into Google on a library computer if said library has rules that forbid you to view non-12+ material. Just saying.

Because I didn't do that yesterday and I didn't get thrown out of said library. And it wasn't the school library, either. Nope. Never. That does not sound like me at all.

Last Google search: pirate costume women
Now playing: "He's a Pirate" by Hans Zimmer, from Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl
Word of the day: CONSANGUINEOUS \ kon-san(g)-GWIN-ee-us \ , adjective - of the same blood, related by birth, descended from the same parent or ancestor.

The Awkward Moment When...

2010-11-24T17:49:00.000+01:00

I lately go on facebook a lot and spend quite a bit of time there, wasting energy and losing brain cells - don't judge me, it can be fun - and I've recently noticed that there's a whole universe of groups and pages that have names starting with "That awkward moment when...". And some of these are quite ordinary, like:

That awkward moment when someone says "you two should go out"
Yeah, we all have that happen to us at least once in our lives. I've seen and/or experienced this countless times and the answers have gotten quite creative, from the classic 'no, not a good idea' to 'and you should think before you talk', through 'he'd be dead by... now' and many, many more. Not original.

That awkward moment when Julia Gillard takes your job.
That awkward moment when Robert Green asks you to play catch with him.
Now I'm not on top of these types of jokes, so pardon me if these are in some way insulting to someone, but... Well, I'll just skip over as not to insult you with either my ignorance or a comment that I deemed perfectly appropriate, but in the context of the names it turns mean.

That awkward moment at Subway when your sub is being toasted.
That's not an awkward moment, it's actually just like waiting in the line at the supermarket. Unless, of course, you're the only customer and there are always two workers there at least and you're just standing there oddly, not saying anything, trying not to look them in the eye and start a conversation... Then I get a bit paranoid myself.

The awkward moment when Dobby drops a chandelier on your head.
I love the person who started this group and I adore the thousand people who have joined it. And if you've seen Deathly Hallows, you know why I'm saying that, and if not, go see.

There are lots more funny or less funny pages on there and I'm guilty of liking quite a few... But generally, the whole idea of Facebook is a bit foreign to me. I mean, I know how to use it and what it's for, I have no issues with the technical part... But how did THAT site, which really does NOTHING but let you post information about yourself in a public place, become a worldwide hit?

I think I should really see that movie, "The Social Network", shouldn't I?

Last Google search: pirate costume ladies
Now playing: "Nine Million Bicycles" by Katie Melua
Word of the day: HEURISTIC \ hyoo-RIS-tik \ , adjective - 1. serving to indicate or point out, stimulating interest as a means of furthering investigation; 2. encouraging a person to learn, discover, understand or solve problems on his or her own, as by experimenting, evaluating possible answers or solutions, or by trial and error; 3. of, pertaining to, or based on experimentation, evaluation, or trial-and-error methods; 4. demoting a rule of thumb for solving a problem without the exhaustive application of an algorithm. sheesh, that was long!

The Radio Has the Lights Up

2010-11-23T21:00:00.000+01:00

You know that Coca-Cola commercial, with the Christmas tree gleaming in the light coming from the fireplace? And the light-decorated trucks going through the snowy countryside? Miles upon miles of trucks going through the hills? Turning bridges aglow with their own lights? Spreading the joy?

Well, I know that these trucks have been driving across my television screen in almost every commercial break on almost every station I watch (all two of them, about a week ago). And since I'm not to the annoyance stage yet (that rarely happens when Christmas is related), I was put in the mood to do some music searching and playlist making. And here is what I came up with - a top ten list of my all-time favorite holiday songs!

Click on this link if you want to go listen to the whole playlist on my YouTube channel or click on the individual links (in the song titles) to hear each one in the order of your choice!

1. "White Christmas" - oh the calm and happy feeling...
This is the first Christmas song that wasn't a carol that I learned to play on the piano. It's also the first Christmas song I learned the lyrics to in English and I think it's the first one I heard (or at least the first one I remembered) during my first holiday season in the States. And the first I fell in love with. So many firsts that I decided to make this the number one.

2. "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" - what is this, the sixties?
It makes me, once again, go all happily nostalgic, but this time remembering the times I never got to see. The elegant wavy short haircuts for the ladies, a 3/4 length waist-high skirt with a nice white shirt and clasp at the neck... And a full Christmas table of family and friends. What else could a person wish for during the holidays?

3. "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" - it's SO great that it couldn't NOT be here.
That and it makes me smile every time I hear it. I associate it with some very happy times...And both the lyrics and the tune are just so happy. We can practically hear the lights up on trees and the snow falling and smell the vanilla air fresheners in the shopping malls and see the long queue of kids waiting to sit on Santa's lap on the float in the center...

4. "Let It Snow" - another Frank Sinatra classic...
...But I can't help how I just adore the man's voice as holiday songs go. He has that soft, velvety voice that makes me think of the soft needles of a freshly cut Christmas tree and the soft light that spreads throughout the house on Christmas Eve when everyone sits at the table and exchanges gifts. Even if the lyrics are a bit, well, different in theme than a family reunion!

5. "(Walking in a) Winter Wonderland" - so happy and bright!
This is the song that truly gets me in the Christmas mood. If we put it together with some mildly frosty weather, some snow falling gently and preferably a pair of ice skates and one of those small, city-center rinks to go along with those... Well, you've got yourself a positively winter-powered Adrielne, ready to conquer Christmas shopping and able to bake gingerbread men, complete with the cute colorful frosting!

6. "Jingle Bell Rock" - more positive energy!
Another song in which I can hear the fifties ringing. Really, I don't know what it is about that time, but it makes the holidays seem all the more magical. I really like the tune, too, and the way they changed regular "Jingle Bells" a bit and put some new parts in to create this piece.

7. "The Christmas Song" - because it's such a classic.
Oh, I got nostalgic all over again with this - and I thought I was done with that after "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas", when we moved on to cheerful, funny songs! But it's a nice, cozy feeling, as if I had just finished a cup of hot tea with ginger and honey and was snuggled up in comfy clothes and under a blanket, in front of a fireplace, with some soothing music on, a book to read and that someone next to me...

8. "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas" - for the sheer randomness!
Who loves nonsense? WE DO! Besides, who WOULDN'T want a hippopotamus if you only had the chance to get one (not thinking of the difficulties associated with keeping it alive and happy)? I know I'd be the first in line! Why? Well, I want a giraffe for Christmas and they might just give it out as an extra!

9. "It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas" - because it is!
It was sometime around Wednesday last week that I saw the maintenance workers of one of the biggest shopping centers in Warsaw put up lights on the trees in front of the building. My neighbors came home last night with a few good bags of Christmas tree ornaments (they just moved in to their first "own" apartment, so they still haven't accumulated tons of stuff like the rest of us). I myself am trying to remember if I have enough silver ornaments to go with the blue and whether I shouldn't get new lights... And I bought a wreath yesterday.

10. "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree" - a dancey tune!
This is the song to which - if you're walking through the shopping mall - you start stepping in rhythm to, bending your knees more and shifting your shoulders from side to side in an imitation of stage dance. Sometimes, it's accompanied by hand moves. If you're walking along with some friends or with family, it's awesome, but when alone... Awkward stares and raised eyebrows will follow. But who cares, it's the holidays!

What do you think? Agreeing or disagreeing? Or maybe you have some other Christmas favorites you'd like to see added to the Grand Holiday Playlist I hope to construct by Christmas, with ALL the songs I like? Leave a comment!

Last Google search: planter's rum punch
Now playing: "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer", the Ray Charles version, of course!
Word of the day: MITHRIDATE \ MITH-ri-deyt \ , noun - a confection believed to contain an antidote to every poison. so basically, it's a bezoar

Adrielne is Moving!

2010-11-22T17:39:00.001+01:00

Well, not her, really. She's staying right where she is, in front of her computer, writing this blog. And she hopes to stay here for awhile, considering the alternative is trying to find my way out of the broken-the-fourth-wall-now-what predicament she found herself in the day before.

And not the blog, either - it's nice and safe where it is, wouldn't want to disturb any of the stuff that might have hidden behind those books, would we now?

So what's moving? Her books.

Why?

Well, try to imagine this situation:

SETTING:

Bedroom. BED on one wall, PIANO on other, BOOKSHELF in the center of the middle wall. COMPUTER and DESK somewhere off to the side.

CHARACTERS:

OLDER COUSIN sitting at the DESK, playing a Harry Potter game on the COMPUTER, YOUNGER COUSIN jumping on the BED.

OLDER COUSIN
*alarmed voice*
Adrielne, Adrielne, look here, I think Harry just died!

YOUNGER COUSIN
*echoes*
Adrielne, Adrielne, OLDER COUSIN said she thinks Harry died!

ADRIELNE
*from offstage*
Coming, coming!

OLDER COUSIN
Quick, quick! I can't pass this level, those flying blocks won't go straight and I can't Wingardium Leviosa the crates to the platforms!

YOUNGER COUSIN
*still jumping on bed*
Adrielne, quick, she can't pass that level, the flying ducks won't go straight and she can't Wizard the Diosa their crates onto the platforms!

ADRIELNE
*comes ONSTAGE, slightly annoyed*
What's the matter?

OLDER COUSIN
I think I killed Harry Potter!

ADRIELNE
Well, start the level over, try not to kill him this time.
*turns to leave*

YOUNGER COUSIN
*repeating*
She killed Harry Potter, she killed Harry Potter!

ADRIELNE
*sigh*
Can you stop repeating everything? I've got a headache and the noise isn't making me feel better...

YOUNGER COUSIN
Can you stop repeating everything? Can you stop repeating everything?

OLDER COUSIN
*shouts*
Shut up, you're making me lose!

YOUNGER COUSIN
*crying*
She told me to shut up!!!

*wails and comes running at Adrielne*

*the two fall over together, hitting the BOOKCASE, ADRIELNE manages to steady them*

*OLDER COUSIN runs over to help, but only knocks ADRIELNE over again*

*the three topple onto the BOOKCASE again, this time making it fall and they tumble down with it*

YOUNGER COUSIN
Oops...

OLDER COUSIN
*concerned look*

Adrielne... You're... Sort of... Bleeding...

ADRIELNE

*looks at her HAND, contemplates the chunk of GLASS that is now stuck in it*

Yeah, I've noticed. Get me some paper towels?

YOUNGER COUSIN

*panics*

You killed her! You killed her!

OLDER COUSIN

I didn't MEAN to! It just... Happened!

ADRIELNE
All right, you two, calm down, it's just a cut, I only need to clean this up... Stay where you are! Or, better, Let me...

*picks YOUNGER COUSIN up and deposits on bed*

*picks OLDER COUSIN up and deposits on bed*

There. The floor and everything but the bed is lava. Stay here until I come back or you'll burn up. Got it?

OLDER COUSIN
Yessir.

Now cue the lack of paper towels and nothing to put on the cut to make it heal faster... And you've got yourself a me at around 11pm at night in an emergency room, trying to get someone to clean the cut because I'm not sure if I got all the glass out and I wouldn't want to have to get my hand split open again to get the one tiny fleck of glass I missed...

And a few hours of waiting for a doctor to come by. And countless panic attacks whenever the thought of them having to come near me with a needle ran through my mind.

Thankfully, no needles were used in the glass digging and I only got two stitches (I kept telling myself it wasn't really a needle since it was so curly and crooked) and a nice little bit of wraparound bandage with a clasp in the shape of the head of the green Power Ranger (the doctor actually apologized for that).

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why I hate Sunday nights. And why my books are moving. For now into boxes and later... We'll see. Hopefully Santa will bring me a nice new bookcase for Christmas.

Last Google search: green power ranger name
Now playing: "Lady" by Wayne Wade

Adrielne Goes Senile and the Fourth Wall Crumbles Down.

2010-11-21T23:45:00.000+01:00

NaNo day 21...

Word count: sadly, still the same. 27932.

NaNo wisdom: Breaking the fourth wall isn't

bad. It's getting back that's difficult. But who

wants to get back once the words start pouring?

Comments: I am now certifiably insane.

Oh well. It's fun. Deal with it.

Whenever I start a blog post or a conversation with a phrase similar to "I've been thinking...", a red light goes off in my head. And it would be nice if it meant that it's a tiny little LED lamp that flashes somewhere in a far out of sight place, that I can comfortably ignore and keep thinking along idealistic or complanative tracks with no consequence from the rest of my mind.

But it so happens that this light is like the flashing lamps of a firetruck - visible from ten blocks away and accompanied by a cacophonous noise loud as a medley of a dripping faucet in the middle of the night, a car alarm and a symphony orchestra out of tune, all put together in volume, annoying-ness and audibility.

I would still be able to ignore this alarm that goes off, but it's not that easy. Too many things happen all at once that make any reaction absolutely impossible.

Henry comes running downstairs from his library in the memory section of the temperal lobe or his room in the parietal robe (intellect, of course), shouting at me to turn that dratted thing off. And, at best, to stop thinking because I should know by now that it would lead to nothing good.

Francesca runs in from the emotionality region of the frontal lobe, beauty products still smeared across her face, the cucumber slices falling off her eyes and the towel on her head nearly falling off as she knocks it against the low door frame of the living room in the corebellum (I'm surprised it doesn't stop working, what with the chaos that always ensues when more than one of them is there).

Muse - if she's present in or near my mind at the time - also comes by to see what's going on, shooting me a disapproving glare that clearly states "quiet this or I'll be back in Mexico before you can say 'adios, amiga', whether NaNo is over or not". And I'd rather not get on my Muse's bad side at any time of the year, November or not, just in case she meets some handsome, intelligent, intriguing, artistic and funny young man or woman and decides to not come back to me again. And knowing my luck and her charm, she'd find that one perfect person in the world.

And finally, when all the others are already infuriated and ranting at my bodily unidentified presence in my mind, George strides out of his own room, from which I could earlier hear small explosions, cracks or other noises that should worry me (but they don't, out of habit and curiosity as to what he's thought up now), beaming with pride as he's usually the only one who knows what the devil might be going on.

The alarm is still making a racket, but everyone else quiets down as to listen to what I have to say. Henry is breathing heavily from the amount of loud-voiced talking he's done, Francesca is straightening the towel turban on her head, Muse is standing by the door, glaring, and George - well, this is George's type of thing, so he's having a grand old time of seeing how I'll manage to talk my way out of this.

"So..." I begin carefully. It's never a good idea to offend the angry people in your head right from the start, especially after a mind alarm. "Err..."

"Get it out, will you? I have some ancient Egyptian manuscripts to look through!" Henry shouts, already irritated. I cringe as I feel the picture hanging on the fourth wall starting to shake.

"Yes, and I have to go! There's a party in an hour and I'm still not ready!" Francesca cuts him off in the middle of his next sentence, only in very quick Spanish I - with the powers of the mind that my real self doesn't possess, isn't that too bad - can understand. The picture falls off the fourth wall and breaks the glass bowl standing on the table right below it.

"Well, I just wanted to let you guys know that it's now day twenty-one of NaNoWriMo and we've been stuck at twenty-seven thousand words for a week now... We might want to do something about that," I say in a barely audible and shaky whisper, afraid to raise my head.

The alarm immediately dies down and the three people in the room - Muse is already heading out the back door, mumbling something about Egyptian manuscripts giving her a trip idea - are staring at me as if they'd seen a basillisk. Well, not seen it - more like its reflection, they'd be turned to pretty human-shaped rock formations if they'd seen the real thing's eyes...

And while we're at basillisks, did it ever occur to you that if the basillisk had SEEN Moaning Myrtle, she wouldn't have been carried out of the castle, but more likely would have been left there as a statue? And she certainly wouldn't have been carried down on a stretcher, she'd be ROCK, for goodness' sake!

Also, any ideas on whether different people turn into different stones? Because everyone's Patronus is different, so I think this should be, too. Or does it depend on the basilisk? And is it a type of stone we know now or is it some magical one that can be used in some elixir that could make us - oh the irony - live forever? Or impregnate an ancient, goblin-made sword to make it be able to kill Horcruxes, whichever seems more handy at the moment?

End of random Harry Potter digression...

So we're standing in the living room... And there is a knock on the door.

"Who's there?" I shout, hoping and praying it's Muse being unnaturally well-behaved instead of some stray puppy I'd have to take in ("It has nowhere else to gooo!" Francesca would shout, Henry would nod and Geroge would name it something ridiculous, like Pigwidgeon or Ginevra or Bob).

"Abigail Hutchins, a character from your NaNovel! I thought we should talk!" came a female voice from the other side of the door.

"Okaaay..." I replied worriedly. "Talk to me."

"Aren't you going to let me in?!" she shouted. I shook my head violently while the rest nodded. The door opened and there stood Abbie, my character, drenched from the rain and dressed exactly how she was when she finally reunited with her brother in the sixth chapter- still unwritten...

And the fourth wall came a-falling.

"I'll have a cup of coffee, thanks, haven't had my daily caffeine yet," she said and took off her coat, revealing the red shirt she wasn't supposed to have until Artemis gave it to her. It was twenty-fifth century cotton-manufactured polymers, for Merlin's sake!

"Timbeeeeeeeeer!" George shouted as she flopped down on the couch as I felt the rubble that was once a wall spread out across my mind.

Adrielne - now certifiably insane.

Last Google search: asylum rules chocolate and tequila
Now playing: "Crazy" by Gnarls Barkley

Word of the day: ENSPIRIT \en-SPIR-it \ , verb - to infuse life into, enliven.

Cassettes Are Dinosaurs.

2010-11-20T15:58:00.011+01:00

I looked through all the old music I had today. You know, taking out all the old CDs from cardboard boxes, flipping through the titles of those vinyls your parents used to rock out to ages ago, laughing when you find the cassettes that you can't even listen to if you have modern music technology because they just don't come with cassette players anymore...

Whoa. Stop right there. WHAT?!

If there is a means of data storage available - here the cassette - we should be able to use that method even in the times of more modern technology in a convenient way.

That means that while a "play that vinyl!" feature shouldn't be available on an iPod or even the typical radio-plus-cds everyone has just because of the impracticality of making something big enough to fit the big record, cassettes aren't that big - so in any average modern CD-and-radio player thing, there should be a built-in cassette player. Or at least a way to connect your old Walkman (yes, remember, those things they made just after inventing the telegraph... *sigh* no? Nothing?) to the thing.

Why am I picking this subject to rant about when I have so many wonderful others?

Well, my own CD-plus-radio-PLUS-CASSETTE! player died a few weeks ago. This didn't really bother me until now because I tend to listen to music on my computer, but when I realized that my 18th birthday party is coming up (and that means removing the precious computer screen from my house), I need a way to play music.

Awkward silence would not be good.

So I went out today with a pocketful of money (yeah right) and decided to buy the best and prettiest (read: cheap and decent) thing I find. And I found lots of stuff!

There were things made retro-style. There were things that would feel at home in a space station. Or in an old storehouse-turned-hip-hop-dance-off-club. There were lime green boom boxes and animal-shaped speakers. There were flower prints and leopard prints.

I felt as if I was watching a technological fashion show.

Needless to say, I bought nothing - but only because I didn't see a single one with a cassette player. And that's important, some of my favorite 60's, 70's and 80's music is on cassettes and I have no intention of NOT keeping it that way!

Seriously, can you IMAGINE Electric Light Orchestra heard off a CD - even when just listening if you don't know all the words like I do - without the familiar rewind button to press once the whole hour of music is over? I can't .

On an entirely different note, I really like how lots of people are being so positive about the first part of the "Deathly Hallows" movie. I was worried that it wouldn't be taken too well - considering how the films just kept getting worse and worse and by "Half-Blood Prince" they hit something pretty close to rock bottom... But now, the producers have high expectations to live up to in the second part.

And if you're interested in who "lots of people" are, it's not only bloggers and vloggers (the YouTuber italktosnakes, or Kristina Horner; Kayley (owlssayhoot) and Hayley (hayleyghoover) and even Lauren (devilishlypure) who complains, all of fiveawesomegirls). I'm really happy by how their comments and feelings about the movie are practically the same as mine. It's also newspapers - like one of the biggest papers in Poland - publishing articles from one to a few pages long, always with a snippet of the whole essay or review on the first page. And guess what - the majority say that it's the best HP movie so far. *insert fist-pump here*

Yep, in the excitement of the first few days after the film coming out, I couldn't possibly NOT talk about it in a blog post.

Last Google search: cassette player
Now playing: "Don't Bring Me Down" by Electric Light Orchestra - thankfully, my Walkman was still intact...
Word of the day: WEAL \ WEEL \ , noun - 1. well-being, prosperity, or happiness, 2. a raised mark on the surface of the body produced by a blow, 3. (obsolete) the state or body politic

"Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part One"

2010-11-19T10:29:00.108+01:00

Twelve hours ago, Adrielne put on a long, black velvet skirt and a black wrap-around shirt with wide sleeves and decorative black embroidery. She draped a short cloak around her shoulders, grabbed her wand from the piano, put a sack of galleons in her purse and left her home.

She had an undercover Order of the Phoenix mission to complete. Looking not the Gryffindor she normally was, but an undercover Death Eater, resembling Narcissa Black-Malfoy, complete with a Dark Mark on her forearm, she took the bus to the cinema, getting more than a few odd looks at her robes and cloak and wand in hand... But secrecy had stopped being a priority ages ago.

If Death Eaters were to find her, they would anyways. And she'd be ready.

Note: There are no spoilers in this post.

I don't say things like "it was Quirrell who wanted the stone!",

but more like "I liked the way Fluffy was portrayed".

So I don't give away WHAT and HOW happens,

only my general opinions and thoughts.

IT WAS EPIC.

That is seriously all that comes to my mind right now - my completely out of it and sleep-deprived mind, forced to be in school and think after only one hour of sleep during the night - as I think back to the two and a half hours I spent watching the movie.

I won't keep going on about how I loved the whole thing and tell you of the plot points I thought were particularly well done - it would border on spoilers and I strongly advise you to see it, so I don't want to spoil the fun of that - but all I'll say is that I loved the beginning of the movie, the wedding, the manor scene, Dobby, the leaving and returning thing, the forest-sword scene, the Department of Mysteries... I can't think of a whole scene of more than 10 minutes that I did NOT like.

Maybe that's because I didn't re-read the books immediately prior to seeing the movie... But I'll get to that once I DO read the "Deathly Hallows" book again! And now, as to keep myself from accidentally letting something slip, I'll tell you about the two greatest challenges I faced.

1) Getting my costume together.

I didn't think it would be so difficult - well, actually, impossible - to find a sweater vest that looks like the Hogwarts uniform. And a red-and-yellow scarf (I wouldn't even be too picky about differentiating red and maroon or yellow and gold...) and tie. But it was, so I ended up turning into Narcissa instead of the Gryffie (well, Hermione) I was planning on being.

2) Getting to the cinema.

Once I was in full costume, I decided to finally head for the bus stop. But I found out that the last day-bus had left and the nearest night bus is three stops away... So I had to take a cab to the bus stop (it would be too expensive to go to the very cinema by taxi), where I was meeting some friends. And then the night bus. All while wearing my robes, may I mention, and brandishing a magic wand in my hand...

But the first thing was infinitely more difficult and making something that at least resembled a cloak was way more difficult than I anticipated and I thought I'd share my thoughts and experiences in this short how-to tutorial. This time, it's more serious than the "How to chat up a glittering vampire"... but I have no experience with sewing, so this may be idiotic at times.

HOW TO MAKE A CLOAK

A guide for the amateur seamstress,

who pricks her fingers often

and can't string a needle properly.

1. Find an appropriate, loose button-down collared shirt. It needs to be made of thick cloth (velvet or an imitation of it would be preferred) as not to flap too much in the slightest breeze. Dark colors work well (mine was black). Make sure it's at least three sizes bigger than you, if not five (I'm a size 36, the shirt I bought was 44 - three sizes and it wasn't that loose at all once it was done).

2. Find big, sharp scissors for cutting off the sleeves and generally making cuts on the cloth. Also, some small manicure scissors will come in handy. And, of course, you need a few pins for when you try the shirt on to see how to fit it.

3. Start by undoing the stitching that binds the sleeves with the rest of the shirt. Sometimes, there are even three or four rows of stitches, but don't tear them. Take out the bits of string as you go. Take the buttons off the shirt (you might want to keep them for later, buttons are always needed).

4. Now comes the difficult part - you have two gaping holes on the two sides of the shirt and you've got to stitch them closed somehow... Put the cloak-to-be on and use a safety pin to fasten it under the neck and lay it out as you wish. Now, with the help of a friend (or through mind-power marking or super-flexibility), put pins in the cloth to mark how you have to stitch it closed for it to lay smoothly across your shoulders. You'll need to cut some cloth out, but not too much!

5. This is the time to decide what the fit is supposed to be like. You can make the cloak have pointy things on your shoulders (sort of Rita Skeeter style) or you can go for smooth and gentle (Tolkien elves style). Or you can make the cloth go down your shoulders a bit wavy (that's what mine was!). It's really up to you, but make sure to check that both sides are almost-identical.

6. Now comes time for the actual sewing. There are many forms of stitches, but the one I use is simple enough:

1. take the two pieces of fabric you want to stitch together and put the threaded needle through both.
2. pull on the needle until the knot almost reaches the cloth.
3. run the needle through the loop made by the knot, two threads and hole in the cloth that you put the needle through.
4. pull on needle until knot tightens.

It's a simple and durable stitch, which everyone knows and which is actually pretty fast and effortless to sew with (it only took me about half an hour to get the cloak to look like one, once the fitting was done, and I had around 50-70cm on each side to sew together)!

7. Now put the cloak on once again and figure out how you want to make the cloak stay in place. I didn't have enough time, so I used safety pins to attach it to my shirt, but it would be cool to make some sort of lacelike strap or silver chain (an old charm bracelet - minus the charms - could work) across your neckline or a big silver button (but remember to make a buttonhole!). Get creative!

You're done!

Last Google search: blue eyes
Now playing: "The Harry Potter Song" by Hank of VlogBrothers

Word of the day: HALLOW \ HAL-oh \ , verb - 1. to make holy, sanctify, consecrate, 2. to shout or chase with cries of "hallo!"

If I could still be given the right to speak, I'd like to take the time to thank www.dictionary.com for making my day a bit more awesome by giving us such an appropriate word of the day for today. THANK YOU!

Why Adrielne Dislikes German.

2010-11-18T22:15:00.000+01:00

They say that German is an easy language. Creating words is based around putting together nouns and adjectives to form long, segmented words that seem illegible at first sight. Let's take a purely hypothetical word... Say...

Hottentottenstottertrottelmutterbeutelrattenlattengitterkofferattentater.

You think I just rolled a hand around on the keyboard and pasted whatever came up? Nothing more wrong! This could - hypothetically speaking - be a real word! But let me explain it.

[[the following is a tapescript from the Waldemar Malicki sketch on learning German, translated by me]]

If a person knows latin and cases, if they're used to putting words in their correct tenses and cases, he or she can learn German without much difficulty. Or at least that's what all teachers say during the first lesson.

To start, we buy a coursebook. It's a beautiful edition, with a sturdy cover, published in Dortmund and talking about the customs of the Hottentot tribe (auf Deutsch: Hottentotten). The book tells of how kangaroos (Beutelratten) are hunted down and put in cages (Koffer) made of wicker (Lattengitter) to keep them safe. The cages are called "wicker cages" (Lattengitterkoffer), and if they contain a kangaroo, we would call them: Beutelrattenlattengitterkoffer.

One day, the Hottentot tribe catches a murderer (Attentater), who is accused of killing the Hottentot (Hottentotten) mother (Mutter), the mother of someone who stutters and is a bit slow on the uptake (Stottertrottel). This mother, in German, is called Hottentottenstottertrottelmutter, and the person who kills her is a Hottentottenstottertrottelmutterattentatter. Easy enough.

The police catch this murderer and put him - for the time being - in a wicker cage meant for kangaroos (Beutelrattenlattengitterkoffer), but he manages to escape. The search begins immediately. Suddenly, a Hottentot warrior arrives shouting:

"Sir, sir, I caught the killer (Attentatter)!"

"Really? What killer?" the chief of the tribe asks.

"Beutelrattenlattengitterkofferattentater," the warrior replies.

"What? How? The killer who's in the wicker kangaroo cage?" the Hottentot chief inquires.

"He is," the tribesman says, "Hottentottenstottertrottelmutterattentater." (the killer of the Hottentot mother of a stuttering and slow person).

"Oh, of course," the ruler of the tribe says, "You could have said right from the start that you'd caught the Hottentottenstottertrottelmutterbeutelrattenlattengitterkofferattentater!"

On the Passing of Time

2010-11-17T23:13:00.000+01:00

I've been thinking (and any blog that starts with that can never end well, you should all know that by now)... I've been thinking of how time passes differently at different ages.

See, I was talking to my grandma today and we started talking about how we feel time passes slowly when we're kids and faster as we get older. She says that the barriers are eighteen and thirty. After you turn eighteen years old, your life changes and starts passing faster all of a sudden, because a person has to start a serious job or study.

And then at thirty, we realize that we didn't fulfill all of the dreams we were planning to reach and we realize, that we've lived half of our "full life" by then - because let's face it, once we pass sixty years old, we aren't as eager to travel, try new things and act like a young person would...

But my life has been flying by for the past three years. I think that this is shifting with time - when my grandma was younger, she started feeling time passing quicker when she started work at eighteen. But my life sped up when I was in the last year of middle school, when I had to start preparing for the final exams of the school, which decided on the high school I get into. And it's been speeding up ever since. And then some more when I started giving piano concerts.

I like it. I like this high speed of life. It's great to get to live through so many great things - from concerts to trips with friends to visiting new places and meeting new people. I've gone a long way since last year and feel much more grown up now than I did as little as a few months ago. I like the feeling of responsibility - and it's great to be making my own decisions, but I don't want to live too fast.

Our world is of a different mind.

Civilization is speeding up. A while ago it took years for scientists to make new discoveries. Now it's days, hours or even minutes between one breakthrough and the next. Communication is much faster, the economy changes constantly and we have nothing else to do but adjust to this new, quickened pace.

So we go to work and miss out on family life. We try to make that up - and we lose our job or are forced to quit. We don't see our friends from the old school times anymore because there just isn't a free weekend, what with extra English classes for the kids, soccer practice, having to finish up the PowerPoint for the Monday meeting and yardwork that needs to be done.

We miss out on so much in life - but it's by our own choice, in a way. We could change our lives and change our culture, we're just too lazy to. And in effect, we have to keep speeding up. Oh well - someone sometime will step on the brakes. I hope.

Last Google search: prefects badge
Now on the radio: "Tears in Heaven" by Eric Clapton
Word of the day: IDIOGLOSSIA \ id-ee-uh-GLOS-ee-uh \ , noun - a private form of speech invented by one child or by children who are in close contact, as twins. 2. a pathological condition inwhich a person's speech is so severely distorted that it is unintelligible.

My Life is Average.

2010-11-16T23:17:00.000+01:00

Today, I'm writing a blog about a website I visit regularly, which used to feature stories about normal people doing normal things, but then turned into what is judged by the website users as 'awesome', even if half the stories have to be made up. MLIA.

Yes, that website - www.mylifeisaverage.com - really will be the sole subject of today's blog. This is the effect of my procrastination and not feeling like studying or writing my novel (which is the only reason why you haven't seen any more NaNo blogs lately - I've written so painfully little that I don't even want to admit it).

Today, I accidentally brushed my teeth twice in the morning, and was seven minutes late for my psychology class. I had some apple juice afterward, and then I went on the internet. MLIA

That is the post that began a website which is now nearly seven THOUSAND pages long and features over a million stories. Originally, it was meant to be a place for publishing perfectly ordinary things, events that no one really cared about. Things that were average. But then, something happened and the posts that people were making were more about pointing out odd or funny things they found somewhere.

Today, I saw a commerical for that Patch Perfect grass that even grows on cement. I then realized that if I spread it on my roof, my dream of living in a hobbit hole will finally be realized. I'm ordering it tonight. MLIA

Then what I call the "awesome streak" started. There have been a few of those in the history of MLIA, but they always involve some funny stories, some not-so-funny stories and some plain unbelievable ones.

Today, a girl in a computer lab asked me for examples of opposites. I started singing, "You're hot and you're cold, you're yes and you're no...." Three other people joined in, and we repeated it until she wrote all of them down. MLIA

MLIAers are awesome. They like people, who dress in odd costumes. Seeing someone dressed in a Batman suit or wearing a Superman cape while riding a unicycle, ordering food through a drive-thru window out of the cardboard cutout of a car door and juggling stuffed animal baby seals above their heads while balancing a nerf gun on their nose is, to these people, a common occurrence.

The other day, I was walking home from school when a guy in a ninja costume rode by me on a unicycle wearing a sombrero. MLIA

But let's talk about what an MLIAer does in everyday life. He or she is usually a college student, who was a cool little kid, doing lots of fun things. He or she has awesome parents, who don't leave home until they harvest their crops in Farmville. He or she lives in a town where many people go through the drive thru in things that aren't cars.

Today, I was going thru the drive-thru, when I noticed that the old lady in front of me was not in a car, but on her motorized scooter. I can't wait to be old. MLIA

The people who publish stories there are ones who like neat number sequences. They make wishes at 11:11 and turned the tenth of October last month into a celebration. They're planning on spending the eleventh day of November in an even more grand manner - and at eleven seconds and eleven minutes past eleven, they're sure to make the best wish of their lives.

Today, I had a chemistry exam. The exam started at 11:11 and finished at 12:34. I think it went quite well. MLIA.

They also find interesting facts and share them with the world. It's usually quite entertaining reading about funny state laws - even if there are whole websites dedicated to those - and about odd regulations, official letters, street signs, restaurant menus, the bulletin boards in front of churches and so on.

Today I joined a gym. My card says 'Expires 7th June 2109'. If I ever come back as a zombie I can still go swimming at a discounted price. MLIA.

Today I was watching a commercial for shampoo and conditioner. At the end of the commercial, it said it was 0 calories. Um... What? MLIA

Today, I read last year 4,153,237 people got married. I don't want to start any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number? MLIA

Today, I wrote a blog post devoted to the website www.mylifeisaverage.com and pointed out the things people dislike about the site. But I still love it because it never fails to improve my mood when I'm having a bad day and - even though I know most of the stories are likely to be made up - it's nice to think that there ARE some awesome people, who would dress up as a superhero and run through the school grounds. And today, I dressed up as a pirate - it was talk like a pirate day in my group of friends and I wanted to be able to say that MLIA.

Last Google search: mixed drinks with rum
Now playing: "I" (cover by Kamil Bednarek) by Kurt Nilsen
Word of the day: GEST \ JEST \ , noun - 1. a notable deed or exploit, 2. archaic: a metrical romance or history

Missing You...

2010-11-15T15:46:00.001+01:00

FACT ONE: Adrielne follows blogs. FACT TWO: Adrielne reads the blogs she follows. FACT THREE: She talks about herself in third person sometimes. OPINION: That last fact was not important, but oh well.

Anyways.

I follow a blog called owlssayhoot by the awesome Kayley Hyde and her latest entry, Finally Reuniting, really got me thinking.

For the lazybums who won't click on the link and read the just-about-375 words she wrote: Her friends from university were discussing how they're "FINALLY REUNITING" with friends and family after a weekend. And she has best friends scattered around the globe, whom she'd love to see 24/7 (well, maybe not THAT much, but hey, she misses them a lot) and she hasn't seen some for a year... Which changes perspective and a weekend isn't much at all.

And I started thinking about my relationships with friends and family, especially the long-distance ones. And about my past. So a bit of my life story coming up...

I was raised in a very tightly-knit family. I lived with my mom and grandparents and with mom's sister and later her husband (all six of us in a two-room apartment - it was a bit crowded, but nothing too far past average in Poland at the time). My grandma's sisters lived 56km away, but we saw them and their kids and grandkids every weekend. So when I was eight years old, mom and I went to the States to live with dad, who had already moved there... Well, leaving was tough.

But we came back for every summer vacation - the whole two and a half months were spent at home, with family, going from one aunt to another, seeing my cousins, spending time with my grandparents, watching my little cousins, the sweet and lovely daughters of my mom's sister, start growing up. We always made the most out of those two and a half summer months, trying not to think of going back until the day before. And trying to make it through the goodbyes in as good shape as possible.

We also came back every Christmas. My whole family is Catholic, so the holidays are a VERY big thing. Plus, Poland has a lot more tradition and family atmosphere to it than the United States or England, from what I've heard and seen. Many times, I'd skip the last two or three days before Christmas to have more time with my family at home, and every time I got back late (around January 9th) because mom's birthday is on the 7th and we wanted to celebrate it with the whole crowd.

Then, after five years of this going back and forth, we finally moved back to Poland. I was - and am - incredibly happy about finally being able to see all my aunts, uncles and cousins regularly... But at the price of leaving behind the friends I made during that time. ~~Antonia, FB stalking isn't enough, and Greta, stop by on the way to Italy!~~ I miss them a lot - but I wasn't able to stay in the States any longer. And I don't think I would have wanted to... All the same, it was a difficult decision to make.

Having said all of that, I think I can say a lot about leaving, coming back and what happens in between.

And personally, I agree with Kayley.

Not seeing someone for a weekend isn't NEARLY long enough to start missing them. It's when you know that you won't see someone for an extended period of time. I don't know when I might see my best friends from the States again - maybe in a year, maybe in twenty! I don't think a weekend can compare to that in any way.

Then again, the people who shout "finally reunited" are the ones who haven't been in a situation that involves not seeing someone close to them for an extended period of time. They didn't have the moment where they feel physical pain at the thought of having to leave the people they love behind.
And that is probably a good thing, a healthy thing, not having to deal with that.

I know that it made me much more immune to missing someone - it had to, I was only a little kid, how else if not by telling myself to 'man up' would I have dealt with it? - and now it takes a long time away from home for me to actually miss my family and friends.

But going back to our side of the argument, and I'm probably wrong in thinking so, but seeing situations like that makes me see the people involved as very shallow. They might just be having a shallow moment, expressing the joy at seeing their friends after a weekend. But to me, putting an equal sign between that and leaving your loved ones behind for six months... Not right.

And before you tell me that no one is saying the situations are the same, I know they're not. And I'm not saying that what these people do is wrong. They're expressing their emotions and judging by their own experiences of leaving someone behind. And for them, a weekend may really be enough to miss someone. Or they're just using the word without thinking about it. I'm just ranting about nothing in particular, knowing nothing will change, and making myself upset by digging through old and not always happy memories. So I'll stop now.

Last Google search: I want a hippopotamus for Christmas
Now playing: "Not Alone" from A Very Potter Musical, by the StarKid Team (Darren Criss <3!). As a matter of fact, I had to stop writing to sing along. WITH the jumping on the chair for the Harry part. And an appropriate screech for "realiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiize" ^^
Word of the day: DE RIGUEUR \ duh ri-GUR \ , adjective - strictly required, as by etiquette or fashion.

NaNovel - Excerpt #2.

2010-11-14T11:36:00.000+01:00

As to continue the Abigail love, here's the next scene I managed to produce (sometime around November 3rd) with her involved. In my long hours of procrastination I went back and began editing my novel and stumbled upon it - it was originally meant to be deleted since it does nothing to push the plot forward, but hey - it's NaNo and it was fun writing it, so it's staying for now :)

It's clear of all edits - I procrastinated on procrastination and ended up here - and I haven't read past the first sentence, so don't even start on the number of possible mistakes. Just rejoice in the NaNoisms I've committed and feast on Henry's - the Inner Editor's - teeth-grinding and hair-pulling that will ensue when December comes.

Enjoy!

Abigail was holding on for dear life to one of the handles on the back of a chair on the subway, trying to get to work on time by mentally sending curses at the subway driver... If subways had drivers at all. Probably not - with robotic arms and walking, talking robots, she couldn't imagine that someone would have to manually drive something, that went down only one track and only one way. After about two minutes she ran out of her favorite curse and hex set, gathered from passionately reading the Harry Potter series over at least twice every year and began making up her own, but stopped to listen to a particularly interesting conversation between two blondes, looking extraordinarily brainless, sitting down on the seats she was attempting to stand next to.

“I think he loves me” one of them began with a big sigh. The exhaled breath ruffled the pages of the book that was in the hands of the woman seated across from her. The middle-aged reader glared at the blond from above the frames of her cat eye shaped, beaded glasses, as if she was a basilisk ready to strike.

“What could he lo... I mean, that’s great!” the other blond hastily corrected herself, lifting one of her (undoubtedly plucked) eyebrows. The first blonde didn’t notice anything strange about her friend's remark - the stumbling on words and the sarcastic remark both went unnoticed.

“Yeah, Carl is great...” the first one said and drifted off into a world of her imagination.

“Wait... Carl? As in the Carl that has always hated you and looked at you like you’re a kitten he’s about to devour?” the second blonde asked - almost exclaimed - and widened her make up laden eyes in surprise... Or was it horror? Abigail couldn't tell between the two. Too much mascara.

“He doesn’t eat kittens” the first one said, looking at her friend as if the latter was some sort of a crazy person.

“Not the point, Captain Obvious!” the second one said with an exasperated sigh. Abby wondered how in the world the woman didn’t lose her right mind yet with a friend like that. If anyone asked, Abby would probably say the first one was the blonde bimbo and the second was trying to break the all-blondes-are-stupid stereotype. No one asked her, though, so she kept her opinions to herself. Getting out on her station she cursed under her breath: she had less than five minutes to cross two busy streets, get to the thirtieth floor of her office building and race to her cubicle before the clock rang nine.

As could have been easily predicted the moment the alarm clock had rung (if only anyone ever even bothered to predict these things), Abigail was late for work. By the time she got to her cubicle, which she shared with one of her all-time best friends, Stephanie Walker, she had encountered her boss (furious that she dared to be even a split second late, as always), two nasty co-workers, who lived for the sole purpose of making her day worse (one of them tripped her in the hall, resulting in nearly breaking one of the two-inch heels off of her brand new hundred-dollar shoes) and the Man Of Her Dreams, Brian Gordon (who - as usual - didn’t notice her).

“Steph!” Abby hissed in the general direction of her friend, who was already addressing one of the insurance company’s client’s problem, while she jammed her own set of headphones with a microphone attached (the kind that made a person look like a helicopter pilot - well, except for the helicopter and cool shades) on her head, nearly ruining her carefully done French braid before realizing what she was doing and trying again more gently, nearly taking one of her eyes out with the microphone. “Stephie!” she repeated in a more urgent tone. Her friend seemed to be getting more and more angry with the caller.

“Okay, thank you ma’am... No, I’m not trying to push your problem to the back of the list, but you’re going to have to fill out a form... Yes, I can, but you will still need to come to our New York office and sign...” Stephanie was struggling with one of the clients. She shot Abigail a harassed look and sighed. “Yes, ma’am, I am aware that you live over sixty miles away... No, we don’t drive to customers’ homes... No, please, just-“ Stephanie opened her mouth and slammed her head gear on the desk. “She hung up on me! That... That devil of a woman... She just... Argh!”

“It’s okay, Stephie... Don’t be upset... The world needs idiots to level out with the smart ones like us...” Abby tried to soothe her friend.

“You’re right, Abs. I did overreact, but I barely got any sleep last night and everything’s crashing at home. Michael told me he wants to go on contract to Europe for a year and he knows I can’t go with him with my mom in the hospital and Lisa being less than a year old, but he’s so set on going, and my car got stolen and now this... woman... is practically threatening to sue me for not driving out to her farm house somewhere up north in the Adirondacks and delivering her the paperwork...” Stephanie went into rant mode. Abigail knew it was time for her to shut up and listen, so she did.

“...so what am I supposed to do?” Stephanie finished fifteen minutes later. “Abby, are you even listening to me?!”

“Uhh... I missed the bit between ‘I hate this company’ and ‘but does she care if I will be fired’, but I got the rest,” Abby replied.

“You weren’t listening! I’ve been talking for the past fifteen minutes and you didn’t even spare a minute to listen!

"Okay...I'm willing to entertain the possibility that I was, in fact, not focusing my whole and undivided attention on you... But that does NOT mean I wasn’t listening!" Abigail said defensively.

“Oh... Okay,” Stephanie replied, a faraway look spreading across her face. Suddenly, she snapped back to reality. “Look, it’s that awful, terrible, lying, cheating scoundrel, Brenda Johnson!” she added excitedly and plastered a very fake smile on her face.

“Don’t you think you’re a little obsessed with her?” Abigail asked, handing Stephanie a bar of chocolate. The flavor (or the stuff that turned the happiness hormone on) always calmed Abby’s best friend down.

“No...” Stephanie said, her defenses going down with each bite of the delicious stuff..

“You're so obsessed with her!” Abby said again. Steph sighed and appeared to give in.

“Well... I might be a little bit obsessed...” she replied and spun in her office chair dejectedly, eating some more chocolate.

“Yeah, you’re a little bit obsessed with her like the sun is a little bit big,” Abigail summed up, making both her and Stephanie laugh. “Come on, let’s do a skirt day tomorrow!” Abby said. Their skirt days meant coming to work dressed up nicely and going out for the evening. The next day was a Friday, so they wouldn’t have to worry about coming home in time to get a decent amount of sleep.

“Oh I don’t know...” Stephie sighed.

“Remember - a pants-free day is a happy day!” Abigail said, referring to Stephie’s wardrobe, which contained two skirts and about twenty pairs of pants, from jeans through black slacks to sequined bell-bottoms from their high school years. “You’ll get your mind off of Brenda...” Abby said.

“I wish I didn’t have any conscience. It’s so inconvenient. If I didn’t care about doing right and didn’t feel uncomfortable when doing wrong, I’d just kill Johnson and be done with it,” Stephanie said. Abby tried to cover up her laugh with a cough, but failed. Soon the two of them were laughing insanely, getting odd looks from people in neighboring cubicles.

“Are you two planning on accomplishing any work today or are you just going to sit here and either do nothing, insult your coworkers or act like irrevocably and completely insane maniacs?” the head of Customer Service, George Myles, asked, peering into their cubicle. The two women immediately silenced, but Stephanie seemed to be deep in thought.

“A maniac is always completely insane, it goes by definition,” Abby’s friend finally said. Myles’s jaw dropped and he started doing quite a good impersonation of a goldfish that hit its head on the aquarium wall.

“Where’s the water?” Abby asked before she could stop herself. Stephanie immediately caught on to her train of thought and the two burst out laughing again. Myles closed his mouth and furrowed his eyebrows, giving the two of them angry glares. He walked a few paces away from their cubicle, obviously thinking about what to do with them.

“Wow. Somebody’s angry,” Abby said, raising her eyebrows at Myles, who was pacing, head in hands. “Did that girl from Human Resources wear a too short skirt?” she asked, referring to the pretty college student, who worked as an intern in their company. Myles was known for his taste in younger girls and it was quite obvious that he was trying to catch the girl’s attention, which she willingly returned.

“Or maybe it was a few inches too long? You know, elevators are a bit constricting...” Abby piped in before she thought of lowering her voice. “But, you know, we should probably go on low profile today, if we want tomorrow’s skirt day to not crash into overtime hours day.”

“Yeah... But we didn’t even do anything yet. Or anyone, for that matter - unlike lovely Myles over there,” Stephanie added, a faraway, slightly psychotic look on her face. Apparently Myles heard, because he stormed back to their cubicle, flailing his arms like a windmill gone wild.

“I... You... No!” he shouted and left. Abby could swear she could see steam coming out of his ears.

She looked at Stephie with a huge smile on her face. Getting on the man's nerves was a personal hobby of theirs - every chance they got, they experimented how far they could push him before he left in a huff, missing only a long robe to be the walking talking image of Severus Snape. Well, minus the greasy hair and long and crooked nose.

Still smiling to herself, she turned back to her desk and her happy face fell as she read through the long list of waiting calls that had accumulated in the twenty minutes she had lost that morning. She fixed the head gear more comfortably on her ears, rolled her desk chair closer to her desk, adjusted the lean of the back and the height of the arm rests, propped her feet up on the old cardboard box of old calendars and notebooks that the previous employee had left under the desk and never bothered to take home, and pressed "answer" next to the first name of the list.

Immediately, the furious voice of what sounded like na old lady started rattling in her ear about unfair insurance costs, the government being out to get her (she couldn't quite make out whether it was out to get her life, her money or her pet Jack Russel Terrier) and the small print being too small to read even for her fifty-year-old daughter, who was as young as any fish in the sea. Abbie felt lost in the complaints and metaphors already, but the woman kept ranting on and on, not stopping for a breath.

It was going to be a long day.

How To Diagnose an Engagement

2010-11-13T23:17:00.002+01:00

Did your best friend, family member, sworn enemy, acquaintance, multiple personality or imaginary friend get engaged? Try this simple quiz to see if the engagement - by Adrielne's logic, at least - has any chances of succeeding! We promise that the results are 100% certain*!

*as long as they come true.

THESE CHARACTERS...
...X - the person you know, also known as the hypothetical idiot who has no idea what he's getting himself into and isn't aware of the fact that there will be no way out.
...Y - the other one, the fiancee, also known as the hypothetical monster, who will be ripping away at X's happiness bit by bit until all that's left is a pile of smithereens. Because Y can breathe fire when she's angry (yep, assume X is a guy and Y is a girl).

THIS SITUATION...
...you just found out from the happy X that he is engaged and that his fiancee, Y, is a wonderful person - kind, caring, compassionate etc. You're not sure if that's true.

THIS TEST...
...will tell you what type of a woman Y is and whether you should kill your friend now to save him the agony or if you still have chances to get him back - but I'll be honest, I wouldn't count on that second option too much. Don't get your hopes up.

How long does X know Y for?
a) less than two months - go to end of test, solution A.
b) between two months and one year - next question.
c) over one year - go to end of test, solution B.

What does X think about feminism?
a) good idea - go to end of test, solution B
b) bad idea - next question.
c) no opinion - go to end of test, solution B or C (or both).

What does Y think about feminism?
a) good idea - go to end of test, solution B
b) bad idea - next question.
c) no opinion - go to end of test, solution A or C (or both).

Does the couple use pet names?
a) yes, both of them - go to end of test, solution A.
b) yes, X towards Y - go to end of test, solution B.
c) yes, Y towards X - go to end of test, solution C.
d) no - next question.

When you call up X to go to the bar/see a game/...
a) he says no - go to end of test, solution A or B.
b) he says yes, then no - go to end of test, solution B
c) he says yes and goes but worries - go to end of test, solution A.
d) he says yes and has fun - go to end of test, solution D.

SOLUTION A
Y is in the 45% women, who hide most of their faults. X is delusional.
Tell X that he is a fool and that Y isn't as great as he thinks she is. Don't listen to any arguments that start with "but last night..." or "but she can..." and ignore all arguments. Just convince X to wait a few months and see. Because he will, oh he will... And when he comes to you to complain, be compassionate and have a bottle of something at hand. Or some dollar bills and the right address. Whatever suits his mood.

SOLUTION B
Y is in the 35% of women, who keep men under their reign. X is affected.
He knows she's that bad and he still sticks around... Stubborn guy, but will he last for fifty years? Nope. He'll run away, end up in a psychiatric hospital, kill himself or be killed by her. Or he'll turn into a mere shadow of a person, completely succumbing to every of Y's wishes, from taking out the trash to washing the windows to going clothes shopping with her. He will never appear at a sports-themed event, not to mention pregaming, nights out at the bar or bachelor's parties.

SOLUTION C
Y is in the 19,99999999999% of women, who use men for gain. X is blind.
She's with him for the money. He doesn't have money? She's with him for the social status. He doesn't have a social status? She's with him for the house. His house isn't that great? Well then, all that's left is sex. But seriously, if that was a possibility, she'd be better-looking, don't you think?

SOLUTION D (warning: very rare! retake test in a few months to be sure!!!)
Y is in the 0,000000000001% of women, who are reasonable. X is lucky as hell.
CONGRATULATIONS! Your friend has found one of the few reasonable women on this planet. If there's a chance of you getting her, go for it (unless you're all for "bros before hoes", in which case just be happy with his happiness. And ask her if she has friends...).

This is the end of the test. I hope you enjoyed taking it and that you've accepted the gravity of the situation and are going to take the appropriate measures to stop the unstoppable disaster that is about to happen... Or that you're celebrating the very unlikely chance of your friend being happy.

Either way, pardon me as I try once more to find any good sides of my newfound cousin-to-be and mourn my real cousin's horrible life-to-be... *sigh*

Last Google search: Tabitha name meaning.
Now playing: "I'll Make a Man Out of You" from Mulan by (correct me if I'm wrong, this is from memory) Donny Osmond
Word of the day: DEBONAIR \ deb-uh-NAIR \ , adjective - 1. courteous, gracious, having a sophisticated charm; 2.jaunty, carefree, sprightly

NaNoWriMo - Day Twelve!

2010-11-12T21:36:00.003+01:00

NaNo day twelve...

Word count: 6857 today, 24772 overall!

NaNo wisdom: "There is no royal path to good writing;

and such paths do not exist; they would not lead through

neat critical gardens, but through the jungles of self, the

world, and of craft." - Jessamyn West.

Comments: I'm finally back on track! Well, almost. If

I get to 32k today, I'll be on track with my 80k word

count. But at least I made it ahead of the NaNo progress

bars on my stats page! I feel very much accomplished.

I got home at 11am today and thought I wouldn't be able to write a single word for the whole day. You see, I wasn't feeling my best this morning - not just because of the lack of sleep and some amounts of a variety of substances, but mostly because of the cold I caught two nights ago.

And let me tell you, if finding motivation to write on a regular day is difficult, finding motivation to write when you'd rather take some Tylenol and curl up in the corner with a pillow and a warm, fuzzy blanket (and maybe a nice cup of tea with lemon) is practically impossible.

But I did manage to find it! Or rather, I was forced to. See, a friend of mine threatened to not see me until I get to the word count I should be at now, according to the straight line on my NaNolyser graph (note: the graph is from the time when I still had 23225 words):

Right now, I'm at 24772, but as of today, by the straight line, I should have reached 32k. That's still a way away (well, 7228, but it seems like eternity).

You say it's impossible to reach 32k tonight, if it's slowly nearing 10pm already and I'm running a fever? It probably is, but I'm not planning on giving up anytime soon. If I don't write at least a bit more today, I'll only be farther away from my goal tomorrow. Because to reach 80k I have to write not the classical NaNoWriMo 1667 words, but an extra thousand. So the 7228 would by tomorrow be closer to nearly 10k than the just over 7k I have to write today...

And believe me, a goal of over 10k is NOT motivating. It's almost six regular NaNo days! And I'm supposed to stuff it into one word-count-boosting day? No way, Jose! I could never do that!

So as I stumble through the plot, using more and more of the adoptable lines I copied down into my NaNotebook (now with a slightly tattered cover, some missing pages, lots of chaotic plot charts and pages upon pages of either printed out and taped in or copied down adoptables and dares), I try not to think of what may be going through my head at this time in December, when I'll be trying to at least get one read through my novel to pick up the most major plot consistency mistakes and delete the most unnecessary scenes. Well, not delete - mark as "alternate scene" or something.

I've noticed that I'm using Write Or Die more and more lately - I've now gotten to Kamikaze mode and have no problem pressing the "strict" button for the grace period. I have moments when the most normal particle in my mind looks at me and moans "What a state you're in, woman!" over the carcass of my sanity... But most of the time, I'm too preoccupied with thinking up new plot twists to hear.

If you have any words of motivation, NaNo goals, tricks for writing faster or any other thing you'd like to share, leave a comment below!

Last Google search: surrogate mothers laws Poland

Now playing: "You Gotta Be" by Des'ree.

Word of the day: ALCHEMICAL \ al-KEM-ik-uhl \ , adjective - 1. pertaining to the transformationof something common, usually of little value, into a substance of great worth, 2. related to alchemy.

NaNoWriMo - Day Eleven...?

2010-11-11T18:48:00.000+01:00

NaNo day eleven...

Word count: 0 words today, 17915 total.

NaNo wisdom: Parties do not help with writing.

Comments: I suck at this whole writing a novel in

a month thing. I'm constantly behind and telling

myself to write, but no words are coming. Plus the

fact that I only got to bed around 6am didn't help.

I'm having another one of those typical week-two days today. It's getting more and more difficult to stay awake, not to mention writing anything that makes sense. I just sit here, staring at the screen, yawning and thinking where in the world the jewelry I had on last night went to, because it's not anywhere near me.

As for last night - we went to the super-expensive club and at around 2am decided it was no fun anymore (you had to drink at the bar, each person had to buy their own drink and be id-ed every time because putting a "drinking age" stamp on the hands of the people above said age (or stamping the ones below drinking age) is too difficult. The second club - the one we always go to - was, of course, way better and we only left at 5am, when we were sleepy and tired, and when the dance floor was dominated by beer bottles rolling around and slightly (or more than slightly) drunk people.

So the going out part was really the only creative or productive thing I did today and since getting up at past noon I accomplished nothing but writing this blog post, reading about a hundred pages of MLIA and all of TFLN and looking through all of the new facebook pictures and status updates.

It took me four hours to get this much of the blog post typed up. Talk about a bad day...

I also feel as if time was going unnaturally fast - like in the picture of the day above. Seriously, one moment I look at the clock and it's 4pm and the next it's nearing seven... Must be the complete lack of sleep and thinking powers today.

I'll get more sleep tonight, though, and I'll get back to blogging and NaNoing with full force tomorrow. I hope.

Last Google search: harlem club warsaw happy hour

Now playing: "In My Head" by Jason Derulo

Word of the day: WHILOM \ HWAHY-luhm \ , adjective - former, erstwhile; adverb - at one time

NaNoWriMo - Day Ten.

2010-11-10T15:58:00.000+01:00

NaNo day ten...

Word count: 3674 today, 17915 total

NaNo wisdom: Do not write a novel during class.
Not only does it not work to improve your GPA for
the end of the semester, but it also tends to give
severe wristache, especially after about 2.5k. - me.

Comments: I'll still have to type said two and a half
thousand up, but it's like having one leg across the line
of my goal, and I'm done BEFORE leaving for my
night out with friends. A pat on the back is in order!

A third of the journey is now complete. We’ve left the easy waters of “the first few days” and are embarking on “trudging through the middle of the plot”. If our novels were Dora the Explorer, Swiper would be peering out from behind the tall tree and the second place on the map would be just ahead, visible over the top of the next hill.

That and we’d know a few words in Spanish. And we’d all have sung a song with Paco the monkey and shouted “backpack!” at least five times.

Not to say that we haven’t learned anything new or shouted any well-chosen words (probably as far away from “backpack” as one could possibly imagine - even if some of them seem to rhyme, like “I suck” and “oh, go to Hell, Inner Editor, we really don’t need you here”).

Lots of the things we planned in our novels are probably changing. I know mine is - the plot I thought I had as much as two days ago changed dramatically. Suddenly, the climax of the story has been moved to somewhere in the distant word count future, probably to around 35k rather than having the action-packed moment start at 20k already and wrap up by 65k to leave room for a few plot twists towards the end. And my characters changed.

Abigail, the unorganized thing from the excerpt I provided you with, suddenly becomes a carefree and artistic spirit, a matchmaker who finds the perfect guy for her best friend in the club on a girls’ night out, while not even caring to look for someone for herself - she’s as responsible as to know that she has work to do for the next day... What?!

Emma, the traditionally raised Emma, who is accustomed to (if not quite agreeing with) the idea of women having the social function of wives, mothers and housekeepers, suddenly - under the influence of her brother Will and his boyfriend Marco, whom I met yesterday evening around 11pm - turned into a bisexual. She’s going on her first girl-date today and we’re both biting our nails over it, even if for different reasons.

Sajid is stuck in the bunker he ran into around day two and we don’t know what’s going on in his mind or life (or whether he’s still alive anyways) for the next four chapters. Then, he suddenly appears in a big city. Funny how that happens, isn’t it, one moment you’re hiding from terrorists and peace corps in a bunker and the next you’re dressed in a suit and with a briefcase in hand, going about your daily business. It happens all the time to me.

Then we also have Victoire, who is stuck in a fancy restaurant with her husband, who changed names at least five times over the course of the four thousand words where he may be mentioned. Gerard, Georges, Jean-Paul, Francois and Bernard are the incarnations I remember... But none of them fit the character.

Oh, and I would have forgotten - after the second scene of my novel, where he appeared with some foreshadowing and a Cambridge university library to go along, the bespectacled historian named Richard Drake vanished from the plot entirely. And he was - and is - a very important character, with the brains and wit and knowledge and all.

But did I not mention - it's MY turn to cook this week, starting today. Buh-bye, hour of my life every day, from the limited three I have reserved for stuff other than school. Hello, pots and pans and grocery shopping. Word count... See you around midnight, eh? Same place, different time. And it'll probably be quick, rushed and unsatisfying for us both. But it's the only way, you must understand. Just for a week.

But it's gotten late and I have two places I need to be right now (one of them a friend's SSS - Solo Stage Song - vocal competition, the other a club I've never been to yet and only heard of that it's expensive, three times more than the ones I normally go to, so it better be fun)... And I still should type up about a thousand words before that. So hi ho, hi ho, it’s off to write I go!

Last Google search: solar battery powered chainsaw

Now playing: "Whine Up", Kat Deluna feat. Elephant Man.

Word of the day: ULLAGE \ UHL-ij \ , noun - 1. the amount by which the contents fall short of filling a container, 2. the quantity of wine, liquor or the like, remaining in a container that has lost part of its contents, 3. in rocketry, the volume of a loaded tank of liquid propellant in excess of the volume of the propellant

NaNoWriMo - Day Nine!

2010-11-09T07:04:00.002+01:00

NaNo day nine...

Word count: 100, but today is only starting.

Daily wisdom: "You do have a leash, as a writer. You are

holding a dog. The great excitement is to see what happens if

you let the whole thing go. And the dog or the character really

runs about, bites everyone in sight, jumps up trees, falls into

lakes, gets wet and you let that happen." Harold Pinter

Comments: I feel on top of things... But it's only 7am,

so come back later and see how I'll be doing!

My Muse came back last night from Chile, where she ran off to with one of my main male characters. She said she had fun and apologized for not letting me know of this earlier - I'm starting to get worried, she NEVER apologizes. That and my main character never came back with her...

But as to take my mind off of the possible sad event of having to exclude my lovely Artemis from my novel (and leave him at the one-time appearance he made when no one really noticed him in the first scene of my novel)... I've set a new word goal for myself!

Well, it's not really new, but now that I've gotten to the magic psychological barrier of 14k (despite losing about 1000 words yesterday because yWriter decided to delete a backup file and export my novel into a text file in the recycle bin -and my recycle bin is on automatic delete - and then promptly close itself to let me view the exported file... Which didn't exist...), I feel like I can do anything.

ANYTHING!

I could save the world today, I really could, but instead, I'm aiming to get to 16,500 words. It's not that big of a deal, if I managed two thousand something last night, I can do it again - only my homework might suffer. And who cares about homework during NaNo anyways? Not me.

This is part of the get-to-25k-by-Friday-night plan that I've made so many times now. I NEED those 25k to make me feel on top of things at the end of week two as not to have a meltdown and panic attack just before the weekend (when I'll get to 30k if Muse allows and FINALLY start on the exciting part of the plot).

And then 20k next week and 20k the next week and 10k the last two days... And I'll have 80k, that's eighty thousand words. My original NaNo word goal.

I'd be more than amazed if that works out - and very, very proud of myself. But if I stay motivated and keep writing away, I'll be able to reach it!

But before I leave... Did you know that you can determine the temperature by counting the number of chirps made by crickets? I didn't. It's awesome - but why would our Math teacher use that as an argument to get us to finally learn quadratic equations? It's not like crickets can chirp to the second power!

Last Google search: airtight catsuits

Now playing: "I Wanna Be a Billionaire" by Travie McCoy

Word of the day: moue \ MOO \ , noun - a pouting grimace

NaNoWriMo - Day Eight.

2010-11-08T21:18:00.002+01:00

NaNo day eight...

Word count: 702 today, 13001 total. I'm still 335 words
behind schedule, but I just cannot write anymore today.
NaNo wisdom: "It is good to have an end to journey towards;

but it is the journey that matters in the end" - Ursula LeGuin.

Comments: I'm not even going to start on how bad week two
is being to me. 132 yesterday, less than half of what I should have
written today... But at least my procrastination is going great!

I'm seriously considering doing what the picture for today says. My word count is dropping faster than a politician's support ranking bars post-election - and it's not even funny. I don't know what the problem is - I think I have a plot, my characters are as vibrant as ever... I just lost the energy to write them.

I'm pretty sure it has something to do with the start of week two, so I'm going to let myself fall behind a bit and hope that I catch up during the long weekend - the four days off I have between the 11th and the 14th. I HAVE to catch up then.

But for now, instead of telling you how my writing is going, I'll tell you about a creative project I decided to do! That's right, I'm decorating a thermal mug, NaNo-theming it!

*waits for cheers*

Well, if you're not going to be proud of me for that achievement (and let me tell you, it was difficult spacing out the numbers symbolizing the days of NaNo evenly around the cup to cross one off each day! And getting the numbers "10 000", "20 000", "30 000", "40 000" and "50 000" to be bigger and bigger while remaining centered... A nightmare, I tell you!)... I will make a list of the dirty tricks writers use during NaNo!

(note: it has been made while this post was still mid-production and it can be viewed here)

All right, then. I took a break from blogging and wrote five hundred words of a dinner scene. And maybe one of the NaNoWriMo word count tricks was used for that (#21 - give the characters a few bottles of wine and see what happens)... And maybe I did go into detail and gave the reader every thought of my character.

But hey, it's NaNo and I haven't slept in 36 hours. Cut me some slack, will you?

Last Google search: wine french expensive pinot noir chardonnay blanc
Now playing: "You're the Only One" by Maria Mena
Word of the day: DEMOTIC / deh - MO - tic / adj. - of or pertaining to the common people, popular.

Dirty Tricks... For NaNoWriMo!

2010-11-08T21:14:00.001+01:00

These are just the fifty that I could think of off the top of my head - but trust me, there are many, many more!

1. Not using contractions. Just do not use them, even if they should be placed - you should not diminish your word count.

2. Turning short sentences into lengthy and overly descriptive ones by using an abundance of wrods that you later repeat through synonyms and by writing out many, many words that you know will get edited out on the first edit, but you just want to keep writing because you know that if you don't, you will die - and even if the sentence stops making sense in the grammatical way and you know you should put a period here, you just keep going, knowing that you'd feel guilty if you continued this nonsense after such a decisive, defined and final punctuation mark. And then you start again...

3. Using the most formal language any kind sir and noble lady would find to be of the appropriate formality.

4. Titling charactes Lord, Lady, King of , Queen of and using the full titles when talking about them.

5. Adding scenes that ultimately do nothing to move the plot forward: laundry, cleaning, shopping, getting dressed, playing a board game, drinking juice.

6. Introducing a new character whenever the plot runs out of steam.

7. Introducing a character who doesn't know anything about the world he found himself in, so every even very basic object needs to be explained.

8. Introducing a character who contradicts everything - causing multiple pointless discussions throughout the novel.

9. Writing prologues, epilogues, prophecies and chapter notes or summaries.

10. Reflecting on the character's clothing choice.

11. Describing the setting in painfully detailed... Well, detail.

12. Making fun of something - especially if no one gets the joke and the character must explain it.

13. Inviting random relatives to a dinner party with a character present who doesn't know them - introductions!

14. Discussing favorites of any sort - or least favorites. Or just anything that cannot be agreed upon.

15. Completing a newspaper poll or survey.

16. Singing a song or performing a stage play.

17. I- Int- Introd- -duce a cha- cha- character wh- who st- stutters really, really b- bad.

18. Have someone hearing-impaired as to have to repeat things twice, with added ", he shouted, as to let grandma Marge, his mother's second cousin twice removed, but called grandma Marge for short, could hear".

19. Putting commas on either sides of hyphens in hyphenated words, turning seemingly one - word phrases into three. Or lose the hyphens, if you - like me - can't stand badly formatted text. And use "one word phrases" instead.

20. Take your characters out to dinner or generally out of the house for the evening.

21. Give your characters a bottle of wine (or three), get them a bit drunk and see what happens - some secrets will be revealed, some nonsense will happen, some stuttering will take place... And remembering what happened next day will add another paragraph or ten to the word count!

22. Make a character give a speech, as long and boring as possible, so people can comment on it and chat during it.

23. Write chapter titles at the top of every chapter.

24. Make someone recite a poem, read a story out loud or do something that involves telling things and being interrupted.

25. Give characters double names like Sarah Jane, Anna Marie, Peter Bob or Jean Pierre.

26. Dream sequences. Enough said. Same goes for hallucinations.

27. Back story on your characters, settings, the coat rack in the corner... Anything that's not freshly from the assembly line (and even those things have a story - the coal that was used to melt the iron ore from which this car is built came from the Appallachian Mountains, where it was created in the geological era of...)

28. Add quotes or definitions to every chapter. It can be a fun way to introduce comedy or can just serve as a form of foreshadowing, a very important dramatic device.

29. Having a character do something unusual so everyone asks about it and it can be explained at least three times. The goody-two-shoes can key a car. The workaholic can take a month off. Everyone's reaction also needs to be described!

30. Numbers. Not a googol (a one followed by one hundred zeroes), and certainly not a googolplex (a one followed by a googol zeroes), but saying "one hundred and eighty" instead of "180" not only looks better in print, but gives three extra words.

31. Long chapter titles can save your life (or add about two to three hundred words to your story, if chapters are short and many). So "Chapter 1: The Chapter In Which Our Protagonist (AKA, Me) Learns Of His Destiny And Ponders Upon The Ramifications Of Telling The Deities To Stuff It" instead of "Many Meetings" is a good alternative!

32. Get a character drunk or high or have him have a fever - or just go all out and have aliens abduct him, meddle with his brain and send him back to earth with a GPS tracker in his brain - and write about his strange behavior.

33. Everyone does something when talking: traces patterns on tablecloths, plays with the cell phone in their hands, shifts from one foot to the other... Don't forget that!

34. Did you know that a few sex scenes (kissing scenes, blowjob scenes, romantic lakeside date scenes, scenes...) can add as much as a whole novel to your novel? But a single scene like that can get up to five thousand words, if you include the events leading directly up to it, the scene itself and the characters' thoughts, feelings and reactions the morning after.

35. Have a character text or call people and ask them repeatedly if their message got through. Cue Umbridge from AVPS: "Did yah get mah text?" "Yes, I did, Umbridge, in fact, I-" "Then why didn't yah text me back?!"

36. Stick your characters in a car and make them go on a road trip. Through places they haven't visited -they get to sightsee, their GPS gets to give them directions, they get to argue over whether turning a map to have the car going "up" on the map makes sense ("if a map was meant to be read upside down, it would have been printed upside down!" and so on), get directions...

37. Throw in a kid who speaks kiddy-language or who asks "but why, mommy?" questions all the time.

38. Give a character a phrase they use all the time. Or just put in a good old hunter from the lodge. "m'boy" and "y'know?" will add to the word count - and I bet there are many more such expressions...

39. Quote battles. Have whole conversations in movie quotes as forms of challenges your characters are facing.

40. If you're modern, go for truth or dare. If you're grown up and too old for kiddie pary games, think of office dares. If you're in-between, spin the bottle is a good alternative. And if your Hero is a Medieval Knight who's Too Respected and Honorable to play silly games like that with the lowly ones like ourselves, how about giving him a Quest?

41. Niech ktoś mówi w obcym języku - which, in English, is "have someone speak a foreign language".

42. Theoretical discussions on the existence of God, the difference between violet and purple and whether a world of all women would be better than a world of all men. Or down-to-earth arguments over the prettier nail polish, the hotter girl at the bar or the winner of the beer pong tournament. As long as they talk. A lot.

43. Get into your character's head. Give us their thoughts, feelings, sensations, hunches, memories, regrets, joys, revenge plans... Anything that gives us more information on them while keeping the writing going.

44. The eyes aren't the only sense we have. Describe textures, smells, sounds, tastes... Everything we can take in from the surroundings.

45. Letters, emails, messages, online chat... Just try to make them at least in some way important to the plot. Or, you know, just add your Main Character to your class (as the new exchange student from Nicaragua or some other faraway country) and write your homework into your novel. Your teachers will be proud.

46. Add footnotes - your readers HAVE TO understand you, don't they? And if you add a word in a foreign language (like one that you invented, or even one that already exists) as mentioned in #41...

47. "One hundred bottles of ale hanging on the wall..."

48. If you're really behind, have a chapter entitled "Just Like The Chapter Before, But With Pirates!" adn re-write the events of the previous one, but insert pirates at will. "Arr, matey" will be a fun alternative to the usual Victorian-era formalities after eight days of NaNoing and their parrots can be the kind that repeat everything, or change a few details. Don't give the pirates names - instead, use descriptions: "the pirate with the peg leg", "the pirate with the hook on his left hand", "the pirate with the red bandana around his neck", "the pirate with an eyepatch over his right eye"...

49. Have a character participating in NaNo (or another insane quest) - it gives them reason to panic and it gives you a way to vent.

50. And if all else fails, kill off a character.

NaNoWriMo - Day Seven...

2010-11-07T21:48:00.000+01:00

NaNo day 7...

Word count: 132 today, 12299 in all.

Comments: I don't think I've had as bad a day at NaNo,

ever. I've written about ten posts on the forums, I've put

my CDs and DVDs in order, I've cleaned the house... I

have done all I can BUT write my novel. Sad day, it is.

Okay, so the "this is going better than I hoped" rush is officially over. I'm behind. I'm behind by my own standards and by the site standards and none of that is my fault.

Seriously, can you blame me if I had an urgent family issue to take care of and if I lost one of the most important challenges I was on at the moment? And for the sake of this argument, my sanity and reputation, let's ignore the fact that the urgent family matter was baking a cake and that I lost the dare in the early afternoon...

I think I should just turn off the Internet for two hours and FORCE myself to write something. This speed of writing, it won't get me to a win.

Not having reached my goal of 14k by tonight (and no, I will not take my own advice to write for two hours, it's already 10pm and it's only still week one, so too early for forced insomnia in the name of NaNo), I hereby vow to get to 14k by Tuesday night. Since tomorrow I need to study for a test. And I will try my best to reach 30k by the end of next week, since I'm already almost halfway and I'll have two days off (Thursday and Friday) because of a national holiday.

My mind just wandered off for about ten minutes and I just sat here, staring at the screen, not even having the energy to type up this blog post. Can I blame my lack of concentration on the weather or would that be considered a Blatant Lie, seeing what the circumstances are?

And do you have any words of wisdom or motivation that could help get me to write? Share that or any other NaNo-related story (or just anything you would like to share) in a comment below!

Last Google search: cuban cigars thigh
Now playing: "Russian Roulette" by Rihanna.
Word of the day: PALPITATE \ PAL-pi-teyt \ , verb- to pulsate with unusual rapidity from exertion,emotion, disease, etc.; flutter.

Procrastination Goal.

2010-11-06T20:21:00.000+01:00

I've decided to put the "labels" thing on the side bar of my blog, but I think I have well over five hundred tags total, so it will spam the page. Therefore I am hereby embarking on the mission of un-tagging my blog posts, leaving up to three chosen tags on each post. There will be categories. If you will want to see posts from a certain category, you will click on the tag and the appropriate posts will appear.

Savvy?

The catch: it will take a while. I have just under 150 posts to go through, including the unpublished ones I have stashed in my handy-dandy blogger's archive. It will take a while...

But any way to procrastinate is a good one, right?

NaNoWriMo - Day Six.

2010-11-06T15:32:00.001+01:00

NaNo day six...

Word count: 773 so far today, 9673 total, but I'm

going for 11k today, so wish me luck with that!

NaNo wisdom: "Don’t get it right, just get it written." - James

Thurber. I can't say I don't agree with that: 80 000 is a big goal.

Panic attacks: One so far - system crash and some word loss.

Comments: I feel like I'm in the game. The writing spurt I had

on day one isn't with me anymore and living off the pride of being

over six thousand words ahead won't do anymore - I've got to get

my head in the game and start writing regularly again. And I pledged

to get to 14k by Sunday night - we'll see how that goes!

I made the brave move to finally open the "stats" tab on my NaNoWriMo account today. It's something I now regret doing, for it did all but soothe my fears of not finishing my novel on time. On the contrary, my current 9673 words (which is, if I may mention, only four hundred less than I should have at the end of today, and I only started writing one hundred words ago) are making me bite my nails instead of jump for joy.

Last year, all the "stats" tab had was the graph showing the NaNoer's word count each day compared to the number he should have that day if he wants to go by the 1667-a-day-keeps-the-bunnies-away average daily word count. There was also a regional word count graph to show how much the part of the world you belong to has written so far.

But this year, it's changed. For the better, I think, but right now, it's scaring me.

In case you're wondering, my word count did diminish because the power went out when I was mid-sentence and about three thousand unsaved words vanished. But that's no big deal for me, they weren't that good anyways. Besides, I've decided to change the plot a bit and most of them would end up being deleted, so it's a no-harm-done system crash.

But I've learned my lesson and will save the NaNo file regularly, in at least two formats and on at least two electronic devices, plus email it to myself regularly! And I'll print it out in two copies when I'm finished, put each in a separate superspy-style waterproof briefcase (along with a copy of the CD with my novel saved on it) and keep one with me at all times and the other in a bank vault.

Better paranoid than sorry as I always say, right?

But anyways.

When you look at the "Total" column, the bottom left-hand line of it to be precise, it tells you when you'll finish your novel at the rate you're going right now. Most people, whose profiles I visit have November 25th or sometime around that. What does mine say? December second.

Now I know that's because of the system crash and me losing words and the NaNo word count monkey thinking it meant I was regularly going to delete 2700 words from my novel, but... Well, it made me realize just how possible it was that I might lose.

Having panicked, I realized that I had NO CHANCE of losing. NaNoWriMo is a competitive sport and I just don't do losing when there's a competition. Okay, you might laugh, I've recently lost a dare, but that doesn't count, it was hardly my fault and I regret nothing.

But moving lightly along, I'm out of my state of panic now and getting back to work. I've managed to include the word of the day in my novel since day one and the Traveling Shovel of Death already has a planned entrance. There will be ninjas and my main male character is a sort of space pirate if you think about it. The only thing I'm missing is the trebuchet club, mages and a sparkly vampire joke... But I'm sure those will all find their way into the story at some point on their own.

Last Google search: moulin rouge cabaret prices front row

Now on the radio: "Need You Now" by Lady Antebellum.

Word of the day: NACREOUS \ NEY - kree - uhs \, adjective - lustrous, pearly, resembling nacre (mother-of-pearl)

NaNoWriMo - Day Five.

2010-11-05T15:52:00.004+01:00

NaNo day five...

Word count: 2000 today, 11540 overall.

Character deaths: Zero today! And only one in all.

Description-only scenes: Seven, but short and very necessary.

I can't have my readers thinking that Victoire's husband really

does love her, can I now? He's a lying, cheating... Bad person.

Comments: I'm getting into my plot so much that I spend the day

thinking about what to write. I have no ideas for anything creative

but the NaNovel I'm working on. I find this to be a very good alternative

to the usual lack of creativity when it comes to writing on schedule.

Have you, by any chance, seen "Sweeney Todd"? Or know anything about it? Well, if you have (or if you've just heard of what it is), you'll know what I mean when I say that today I feel as if I'd been put through Ms. Lovett's lovely meat pie production process.

- What is that?
- It's priest, have a little priest.
- Is it really good?
- Sir, it's TOO good at least. Then again, they don't commit sins of the flesh, so it's pretty fresh.
- Awful lot of fat.
- Only where it sat.
- Haven't you got poet, or something like that?
- Well, you see, the trouble with poet is how do you know it's deceased? Try the priest! ... Lawyer's rather nice.
- If it's for a price.
- Order something else though to follow since no one should swallow it twice.
- Anything that's lean?
- Well then if you're British and loyal you might enjoy Royal Marine. Anyway it's clean, even though it tastes of wherever it's been...
- Is that friar on the fire?
- Mercy, no, sir, look closer, you'll notice it's grocer!
- Looks thicker - more like vicar...
- No, it has to be grocer, it's GREEN!

Ahh... I remember the times when I knew all the words to the songs from that musical... But I once again digress. I'm getting rather good at that - I blame the NaNo monster, which is the point of this blog post.

You see, Henry, the Inner Editor, is manacled in the dungeon without sunlight or food, for the month of November. I have a working keyboard, a plot and a set of characters. I know what's supposed to happen in my novel, because I spend the entire day planning what I'm going to-

*presses pause*

You heard that? "I spend the entire day" planning my novel. Now that's great for the novel, but not so much for the rest of my life... But we'll let that go during NaNo, because whatever keeps me writing is a good thing. Or so I hope.

I'd love to write more, tell you all about what it was like to NaNo on a night out in the pub and finding a new plot twist from watching fragments of movies that had NOTHING to do with anything I was writing about... But I need to go back to my novel. I believe Richard Drake needs more attention. His character seems to be suffering from underdevelopment.

But stay tuned, an excerpt from the novel is coming up in 4... 3... 2... 1... BLASTOFF!!!!

Last Google search: napoleon era brothels wages

Now on the radio: "Rose", Anita Lipnicka and John Porter

Word of the day: SACCADE - \ sa - KAHD \ , noun 1. the movement of the eye when it makes a sudden change, as in reading; 2. the act of checking a horse quickly with a single strong pull of the reins.

Poetry, Stupidity and Other Things.

2010-11-04T15:43:00.002+01:00

The Literature lesson we had today was probably one of the best we've had in a long time. No, we didn't get free ice cream and play laser tag. Nor did we get to watch a fascinating movie. And we didn't get an hour off because the teacher fell and broke her leg, the poor thing.

I actually like the class, which might be surprising - most people find our sarcastic, ironic and intellectually demanding teacher to be "bad". In the way that she expects too much from students, she actually wants them to say something in class instead of just passively sitting there and (pretending to be) taking notes. And while I tend to be just plain scared of her - especially when she has that "I'm about to ask a question' face - I really like the way she can read any piece of poetry as if she knew exactly how the writer wanted it read. And she's brilliant at interpreting. And at discussion, if only someone was brave enough to have a different point of view on anything literature-related.

I once made the mistake of discussing poetry with her. After half an hour of me trying to say WHY I thought what I thought using my limited knowledge, I found out that not only do I have no idea about good and bad literature, but I also don't know the most basic things about it, so I should first learn and then discuss.

But I got an extra A+ for that class because apparently, I exceeded the educational expectations. While being an idiot who can't tell a sonnet and an ode apart (which is SO not true).

Anyways, today in class we started Polish modernism. And there was this one poem that our teacher hates (she's quite the feminist, that one). The title is "I like it when a woman..." and it shows a woman - for the first time in Polish literature - as not the ideal being, almost angelic, to be viewed as beautiful and praised, but as a human, whose physicality actually exists.

Of course, it was quite a scandalous publication in its' time.

Oh, and then after describing what the poet likes, he finishes with a verse that says something like "and then my mind wanders off back to the hugely important matters, which a woman could never understand". And that's where our teacher is outraged (she's a modern-day feminist).

Anyways, for the first time in two and a half years, my class actually began discussing a piece of literature with their own opinions. And even if we did talk mostly about feminism versus chauvinism, at least something was happening, not just a lecture and notetaking! I was amazed.

But then I started listening to what they were saying and I disagree with pretty much everything. It's sort of sad for people to be as materialistic as to say that nothing is more important than wealth. Especially when said person is supposedly the "intellectual elite", attending one of the top ten high schools in the capital of a prominent (okay, maybe one day it will be) European country.

If they could just be less stupid in their views on the world... Less selfish... But I can't have everything, can I?

Last Google search: how to skin a llama basic
Now on the radio: I'm in the library again, so shush!
Word of the day: no idea yet, will be edited in later.

NaNo Day Two - Looking For a Character.

2010-11-03T16:01:00.001+01:00

NaNo day two...

Word count: 1305 (7999 total)

Character deaths: One. Sorry, Ahmed, I was cheering

for you, but your brother got there first... *tear*

Description-only scenes: Two, the rest is dialogue.

Comments: Not as good a word count today, considering I was at

home for most of the day, but - all things taken into consideration - I

still think it's a pretty good one. And I'm still far, far ahead, so I don't

need to feel pressured into writing. I need to map out the next scene...

The craziness of what NaNo is started getting to me today. My plot idea for the scene I was writing suddenly ran away from me screaming... And I had to think of something quickly, which resulted in one of my main characters dying at the hands of his brother, Sajid. They didn't know each other that well due to a long and difficult family history, but still...

I really don't have much more to say to you, since I only wrote a bit over a thousand words and nothing exciting happened during that time, so I'll go back to NaNoing as to catch up with the writing I did on day one. I was supposed to get to ten thousand by tomorrow night...

Last Google search: popular names Netherlands

Now playing: "I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz.

Word of the day: HYPERBOLIC - using hyperbole, exaggerating

NaNo Day One - Writing on the Road.

2010-11-02T10:49:00.001+01:00

I've decided to blog throughout NaNoWriMo. Every day will have a NaNo post - sometimes the only one, sometimes accompanied by a "normal" post, if I have anything interesting enough to say. So, let's start!

This is a post about yesterday, since I never got to go online once the Internet crashed around 9am... Well, not unless you count the fifteen or so minutes I spent telling everyone I know how I was sad and upset - I lost over a thousand words of what I'd written... But I'll say more of that later.

NaNo day one...

Word count: 6694 (6694 total)!!!

Character deaths: zero so far!

Description-only scenes: five, I believe. *sigh*

Comments: I'm so incredibly proud of that result, I can't even
begin to describe it. It's statistically an I'm-starting-day-five word
count! But I should add more dialogue to the later chapters. Don't
want to describe the desert valley of "somewhere in Iraq" if I don't
know what it'd look like in reality. And whether it would even exist.

As you know, today was the day when people in Poland go to visit the grave sites of their deceased loved ones, friends and acquaintances. I knew I'd be spending the time between 5am and 10pm either on the road, at graveyards or in the homes of family members at countless teas, coffees and lunches.

But since NaNo arrived, I decided it would be a good idea if I took my mom's laptop with me, to write something on the road. I knew it would probably end up being impossible, considering I was going not only with her, but also with my grandma and two cousins, aged 9 and 10.

It was obvious that if my grandma wouldn't be asking me about what I was writing (uhh... it's... complicated) and saying how it's pointless since winning doesn't win me anything anyways, my cousins would be trying to read the English-written novel or generally distracting me from writing.

None of that happened, though. I sat in the front seat with the laptop on my lap and talked to my family while writing. I'm not sure if they even realized I was doing anything but staring across at the road and talking - the keyboard is awesomely quiet.

Anyways, seeing as we spent well over three hours of the day on the road (traffic jams FTW), I was able to get a good six thousand words written before getting home at around 10pm, just when the Internet started working. I tried logging in to the NaNo site, http://www.nanowrimo.org/, but it wouldn't load. Too many Wrimos submitting their word counts, right?

So I decided to use the time while waiting for the site to be working again (it didn't) to write another scene of my novel. Inspired by a family story I heard while eating lunch at my aunt's, I introduced a new and unplanned character, which resulted in producing just under 900 words (and her scene isn't over yet!). I think my family stories could make for a lot more words if I tried hard enough...

I may or may not have mentioned earlier, but I took the NaNo dare of including the Word of the Day from dictionary.com in every day of NaNo. Now because of the Internet crash yesterday, I wasn't able to find out what it was... Do YOU happen to know what it was? Or maybe you know a word you'd like to see used in a novel? Tell me in a comment! But I should be writing, not procrastinating away on my blog, and I'll still be writing a sum-up post about today, so I should probably go get another two thousand words or so written, shouldn't I?

Last Google search: Iraq desert valley landscape

Now playing: "Because You Loved Me" by Celine Dion. I'm in that mood.

Word of the day: I don't know, Internet wasn't working... :/

...And They're Off!

2010-11-01T05:10:00.002+01:00

With each passing year, All Saints' Day seems more and more like a race. A race for the most beautiful candle - resulting in inventions like glass Santa Clauses gleaming with the soft light of the flame within, letter-shaped glowing glass bubbles that are never set in the right way to spell the deceased's name, humungous, horrifyingly colorful (or plain black, even scarier) ones that cast an eerie light across the faces of the gathered family members and friends, making it seem as if the whole grave was ablaze with fires from below...

Then there are flowers. Some people go for the classics, putting a bouquet of nicely trimmed white roses on the grave.

Then comes along another family member, who decides that a mix of oranges, reds and yellows is more appropriate for the colors of the season.

Another friend, most likely an artistic soul, picks a combination of purples and blues, and someone else buys one of the put-on-the-grave potted plants. The resulting festival of colors is more than enough to make the eyes bleed.

Soem families, like my own, pick one person, responsible for a certain grave, changing the "grave setters" around each year so everyone gets a chance to order the flowers and candles they like. Everyone puts in some money and the sum is spent on flowers and candles that - at least in the person's opinion - are elegant enough and fit the spirit of the season.

There are, of course, better and worse styles. Last year, we ended up with orange lilies and a pumpkin. Carved. It was very "country kitsch" style. I didn't like it one bit. Hopefully this year will be better...

We'll see today - it's 5am and I'm about to leave for the graves. I hope to find some good-looking flowers and candles when I get there, since it's my favorite aunt who's picking them this year.

Last Google search: confession sacrament not getting absolution
Now playing: there is such a thing as too early for music, you know...
NaNo days: 30 left, 0 words written (1667 behind)

Halloween, NaNo and Butterflies.

2010-10-31T11:07:00.001+01:00

I was at a Halloween party yesterday.

And yes, I know it's only Halloween today, but it's Sunday - and in a country like Poland, where it's traditional to go to graveyards on November first, starting as early as six am to get to all the places where relatives are buried (I'm leaving at five myself)... Well, partying until the early morning hours and immediately leaving for a cemetery wouldn't be a smart idea.

So most Halloween parties are on the night from the thirtieth to the thirty-first and on the closest Friday and Saturday. Which happened to be last night.

My costume... I'm not even going to start on my costume. It was my friend's design and she was inspired by "Sin City" and a zombie look. And there was only one way that could lead - hooker heels, a corset top and turning a decent enough (and quite nice) black skirt into a scrap of torn cloth. "To make it more zombie," my friend said.

I won't even mention the tons of hair styling products used to make me look as if I'd just climbed out of a grave. When my friend was done getting me dressed and made up, I looked like a cross between Bellatrix Lestrange and a woman working in a place of doubtful provenance.

Fortunately for me, the two other girls that were coming along - herself included - didn't look much better than I did. We all went for the tattered clothes look, with my friend as a vampire and my other friend as a pirate (after a few good years of sailing away from civilization, by the looks of her stockings).

I'll spare you the party story and go on to the subject that's been giving me butterflies in my stomach for a few days now:

NaNoWriMo. It starts in exactly 13 hours and I feel all but prepared, despite all my outlining, character planning, setting envisioning and mapmaking. I just know it's going to be hectic - especially with my goal on getting as close to 80 000 words as possible. But really, I'll just be aiming for around 60-70k. As much as I can past the magic number of fifty thousand will be welcome.

The worst thing about NaNo is that November is probably the worst month it could come in (except for maybe December). I almost always miss the first and second day and fall behind right from the start - so this year, I'll take my mom's laptop with me for the car ride and hope to get at least some of those 1667 words written.

Then I miss the long weekend that comes with November 11th, which is Independence Day in Poland. This year, it's on a Thursday - that means Friday off, which in turn means going to visit our family in the country for four days. No computers allowed, there's farm work to be done.

Finally, there are at least five family events in this time: three birthdays and two anniversaries to attend. Every Sunday is a family dinner of some sort, which makes me lose four whole days.

As you can see, the 1667-a-day word goal is turning into something closer to a 2300-a-day word goal. And that, in turn, with as much homework and studying as I have to do and my freshly reinstated social life to maintain and sports-related things to go to (bowling every other Wednesday, volleyball twice a week)...

Well, I think the butterflies are very much justified and can start feeling at home around my diaphragm.

Last Google search: Hubble telescope satellite crash landing
Now playing: "Just a Lil Bit" by 50 Cent. It's been stuck in my head since yesterday evening...
NaNo days: less than one left.

Bowling Champ Here!

2010-10-30T20:43:00.002+02:00

There are many kinds of sports: those that require balance, those that require the ability to play as a team and think up strategies for besting the opponent and those that require some amount of good aiming.

If I was to be given a million dollars and told to throw a basketball (or any other object) into a hoop (or any other target) a million times, and if for every throw that hits the target I get another dollar, but for every one that misses one dollar would be subtracted, I would probably come close to the twenty hundred thousand mark.

With stats like those, it should be obvious that even the idea of me going bowling is quite a waste of money - well, unless the entertaining value of getting less than three pins down each time would exceed that of fun play.

But, to my great surprise, that was not the case.

I got the highest score, 98 points, in the first game, and second place, with 67 points, in the second one (when the things that block the gutters were turned off).

I’d like to think that luck had nothing to do with it, that it was my amazing skill. And I would be partly right, but as I watched the other guys and girls play, I tried to figure out what they did to make the bowling ball (way too light for my tastes) go in a curved line. Or in a straight line. And I tried to repeat those tricks, with better or worse results - actually, rather better than worse!

My trick?

I didn’t look once at the pins. I wasn’t aiming at anything, so I couldn’t miss it or hit it. I was focusing on making the bowling ball go in a certain path. I know it’s sort of like using obvious reverse psychology, but if that’s what it takes for me to hit the target, so be it.

*whispers* Oh, and yes, I did go bowling with a broken finger. But don't worry, the cast/brace thing comes off in three weeks and besides, the index finger isn't even used in the sport. Not by me at least.

There are, of course, many tricks to improve your aim in any sport. Most of them involve regularly playing said sport until one starts getting better results, but as bowling goes, that's out - it's too expensive to work on regularly.

What are your thoughts on sports that need a good aim? How is yours? Are you able to shoot a basketball into a hoop or is it as impossible for you as it is for me? Tell me in a comment!

Last Google search: zombie hooker corset

Now playing: "Apple Bottom Jeans" by T Pain.
NaNo days: 1 left. Only one day left. *panic*

Fancy-Schmancy Dinner.

2010-10-29T16:42:00.004+02:00

Inspired by a certain character in the novel I’m planning for NaNo and willing to use my last weekend of freedom before the month of literary abandon that November will become, I decided to invite a very good friend of mine over to my house for dinner. I decided it would be very fancy, complete with multiple sets of silverware, at least four courses, candles and good wine. The full deal.

Now if you’re giving me a doubtful look, you are very much mistaken - I’m a good cook, who specializes in fifteen-minute one-pot dishes. I like making up my own recipes (thanks mainly to the “what can I do with what I have if I’m too lazy to go grocery shopping” feeling). I also like trying recipes from other cultures that sound interesting or recreating things that I’ve tried in restaurants and peoples’ homes, both in my country and abroad.

For today, since I’m going elegant, I decided French cuisine would work best. When I think of France I think of Paris - the Eiffel Tower, Arc de Triumph, market stalls, elegant people, long tablecloths, bistros along expensive streets, good expensive wine. It fits my picture of a fancy-schmancy dinner perfectly.

Thanks to Elisabeth Duda’s contribution to the “Europa w kuchni” (“Europe in the Kitchen”) cookbook and to the vastness of the Internet, I was able to come up with a menu that’s both easy enough for me to make, cheap enough for my account to not give me that face again and fast enough to only need a few hours of preparations (two to three hours maximum).

The planned menu:

1. Ratatouille - a vegetable mix from Provance.
2. Onion soup - classic, with cheese on top and bread on the side.
3. Modified boeuf bourguignon - without the twelve-hour wait.
4. Tarte tatin - upside-down apple tart.

My genius plan is to prepare all of these things at once, single-handedly. Sounds impossible? Not for a multitasker. I can pat my head and rub my belly at once, which gives me an advantage over those who cannot. To me, it’s not impossible to stir a soup or sauce in a pot on the oven with one hand and cut up fresh vegetables with the other. A “master of kitchen logistics” award might be in order for that, don’t you think?

I should return to the simmering stew and the marinating meat, but before I go, I need some advice on the wine. White would go better with the vegetables and onion soup, but red is better for the beef. Do you have any suggestions for me as to which specific kinds to choose? Preferably not too expensive and good at the same time, so I’d be more for Spanish ones than cheap-but-sour or good-but-expensive French... Otherwise, I’ll be at the mercy of the store clerk and my horrible memory for names and labels.

Last Google search: Rioja
Now playing: "Don't Unplug Me" by ALL CAPS
NaNo Days: 2 until.

Quoted - A Few Words on Relationships.

2010-10-28T17:36:00.003+02:00

Disclaimer:

The contents of this entry are quoted from a website that had
a quote from the book, "Dave Barry's Complete Guide
to Guys" by Dave Barry. Don't sue me, please.

SHE DRIVES FOR A RELATIONSHIP.

HE'S LOST IN THE TRANSMISSION

By Dave Barry

Contrary to what many women believe, it's fairly easy to develop a long-term, stable, intimate, and mutually fulfilling relationship with a guy. Of course this guy has to be a Labrador retriever. With human guys, it's extremely difficult. This is because guys don't really grasp what women mean by the term relationship.

Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.

And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: "Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?"

And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself, "Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of." And Roger is thinking, "Gosh. Six months."

And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward... I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?

And Roger is thinking... so that means it was... let's see... February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's, which means... lemme check the odometer... Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.

And Elaine is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed--even before I sensed it--that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected.

And Roger is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a goddamn garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.

COMMUNICATIONS GAP

And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry, too. God, I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure.

And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90-day warranty. That's exactly what they're gonna say, the scumballs.

And Elaine is thinking: Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.

And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a goddamn warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it right up their...

"Roger," Elaine says aloud.

"What?" says Roger, startled.

"Please don't torture yourself like this," she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. "Maybe I should never have... Oh God, I feel so..." (She breaks down, sobbing.)

"What?" says Roger.

"I'm such a fool," Elaine sobs. "I mean, I know there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse."

"There's no horse?" says Roger.

"You think I'm a fool, don't you?" Elaine says.

"No!" says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer.

"It's just that... It's that I... I need some time," Elaine says.

(There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.)

"Yes," he says.

A BEFUDDLED BEAU

(Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.) "Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?" she says.

"What way?" says Roger.

"That way about time," says Elaine.

"Oh," says Roger. "Yes."

(Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.)

"Thank you, Roger," she says.

"Thank you," says Roger.

Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it's better if he doesn't think about it. (This is also Roger's policy regarding world hunger. )

IT'S ANALYSIS TIME

The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it, either. Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine's, will pause just before serving, frown, and say: "Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?"

We're not talking about different wavelengths here. We're talking about different planets, in completely different solar systems. Elaine cannot communicate meaningfully with Roger about their relationship any more than she can meaningfully play chess with a duck. Because the sum total of Roger's thinking on this particular topic is as follows:

Huh?

But the point I'm trying to make is that, if you're a woman, and you want to have a successful relationship with a guy, the No. 1 tip to remember is:

1. Never assume that the guy understands that you and he have a relationship.

The guy will not realize this on his own. You have to plant the idea in his brain by constantly making subtle references to it in your everyday conversation, such as:

"Roger, would you mind passing me a Sweet 'n' Low, inasmuch as we have a relationship?"

"Wake up, Roger! There's a prowler in the den and we have a relationship! You and I do, I mean."

"Good News, Roger! The gynecologist says we're going to have our fourth child, which will serve as yet another indication that we have a relationship!"

"Roger, inasmuch as this plane is crashing and we probably have only about a minute to live, I want you to know that we've had a wonderful 53 years of marriage together, which clearly constitutes a relationship."

Never let up, women. Pound away relentlessly at this concept, and eventually it will start to penetrate the guy's brain. Some day he might even start thinking about it on his own. He'll be talking with some other guys about women, and, out of the blue, he'll say, "Elaine and I, we have, ummm... We have, ahhh... We... We have this thing."

And he will sincerely mean it.

The next relationship-enhancement tip is:

2. Do not expect the guy to make a hasty commitment.

By "hasty," I mean, "within your lifetime." Guys are extremely reluctant to make commitments. This is because they never feel ready. "I'm sorry," guys are always telling women, "but I'm just not ready to make a commitment." Guys are in a permanent state of nonreadiness. If guys were turkey breasts, you could put them in a 350 degree oven on July Fourth, and they still wouldn't be done in time for Thanksgiving.

3 Days Before NaNo.

2010-10-28T07:47:00.001+02:00

3 days until...

The last few days of October 2009 were boring ones. I had nothing better to do, so I read a few blogs on a few different sites, watched a few YouTube videos and listened to some wrock. The band called The Parselmouths caught my attention and I started watching Kristina's videos. And found the NaNoWriMo song.

I wish I could say that I immediately went and looked for the site, logged in and began writing. But that's not what happened.

I didn't think I could write a novel in thirty days and I didn't think I had the time to commit to it.I didn't have a plot idea or the will to sit and write a novel... Or did I?

I obviously did, because only as much as a week later, on November fifth, I signed up on the website, www.nanowrimo.org, and immediately began looking through the forums for inspiration for a plot. That first day, I wrote about two thousand words of a science fiction story (with only a mild idea of what the first ten thousand words should contain).

The next days were quite a blur of trying to work out a plot for an intergalactic battle between humans who can develop thought into physical forces (a bit Matrix-like). After having written over twenty thousand words, I gave up on the ultimately plotless novel and started again, with some young adult literature.

The story of Judy Marie Harper, a thirteen-year-old girl who must grow up quickly as her much older brother goes through a divorce and her parents offer no support, seemed like the mediocre novel that sells all over the place today. But it turned out to be quite a failure and after two days fell into my computer's recycle bin.

The third real plot I started (I'm ignoring the ideas I had in between and that I wrote five hundred to a few thousand words on) was a Harry Potter fanfic, telling about the Marauders' first year in Hogwarts. It was first titled "The Beginning", but I decided it was too grand and unclear a title for a story about how the four boys became friends and why Lily hated James so much.

I made the mistake of editing during NaNo because I wanted to post the story on the website I submit my fanfics on, www.harrypotterfanfiction.com, before the noveling event was over. After editing about forty thousand words of the novel, I decided it was pointless - it made my word count drop from said 40k to a sad 25 thousand, making me need to write more in less time. If you're interested, the edited and unfinished novel is here: "Witchlets and Wizardlings".

The rest of NaNo passed very quickly, with me spending hours a day trying to catch up and write half a novel in ten days. I had to write around four thousand words a day to make it to my goal, and two of those days were family holidays. But I did it nonetheless and passed the winning mark, reaching over sixty five thousand words by the time the final submissions were due.

Of course, over half of those rushed-through words were useless (I avoided contractions. It does not look too well in print, does it, when I do not skip words that could be avoided and add pointless content just to make the sentences longer and the word count more full - or rather, make it grow more quickly, as writing without content is much easier than writing with it). That's why in the not-yet-finished product is only around twenty-five thosuand words long.

But this year, it will be different. I have a plot outline (I talked about it in another entry, "A Week Before NaNo". It grew a bit since then, but only in the I'm-going-to-make-it-better-and-more-writable way). I have characters (working on the character creation chart I found here, very helpful and detailed if you're interested, whether a NaNoer or not).

I even have fantasy settings for my plot to take place in and for my characters to learn about. I talked to a few people from the Netherlands about Amsterdam, writing an email to a person from Cambridge and looking for someone from Paris and I've personally been in New York. It all seems to be coming together nicely for me this year.

So please, God, don't let this November be like the last one. And if it is, give me the stubbornness and healthy finger and wrist joints to get to the winning 50k anyway.

Last Google search: "tenth dimension" "outer space"

Now playing: "The NaNoWriMo Song" by Kristina Horner

NaNo days: 3 until. I'm sorting out my characters and having issues with French surnames...